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When Men Are lonely - by Shubhosree Pal
By - 5:24 PM Saturday 10 December 2005
I write this piece in response to a thought provoking comment made by Mr. Lonely bringing out men’s perspective on the issue. It made me think.
It’s true that loneliness dogs girls and guys alike. But do both the sexes go through similar experiences? Yes, may be to a certain extent they do, but beyond a point, men and women are bound to go through different emotional patterns for the simple reason that gender indeed reads as a ‘distinct’ experience in our world. And that’s where I find Mr. Lonely’s comment brings up a pertinent point.
As he rightly points out that a girl without a boyfriend can at least socially take umbrage under ‘homely’ and ‘susheel’ (well-mannered) type. But for men the peer pressure, of not having experienced “it” can be quite ego-wrecking. And since men are not known to weep with each other over a beer, silence or tale-telling are about the only options left. This in turn restricts them from talking about it or sharing it with anybody, which is not quite the case with girls since they always have the space to ‘talk about things’ and while they may invite pity they don’t face ridicule at least. However, it’s just not the ‘manly’ thing to freely admit to friends that they cannot find a girl-friend or have not ‘scored’ so to speak. And this pressure can be quite soul-destroying in a man. It can push guys onto paths of one-night stands, brothels, unsafe sex, drugs, or simply getting sloshed to the gills. Roads to self-destruction are many.
And apparently these roads are more dead-ends than not. The following quote by a 26 years old man from a Masters & Johnson study indicates the syndrome quite well.
“One-night stands was fun at first because there were no demands attached, no one’s expectations to fulfill. But after a year or so I began to realize that something was missing from these encounters – a sense of caring about the person I was making it with, or a feeling that she cared about me.”
So where does this take us? Women who envy men for having the sexual freedom to use one-night stands to fill the ‘gap’ perhaps do not realize how the ‘gap’ widens for men when the novelty of cruising and one-night stands end. Intimacy is a far deeper bond of loving and living one’s sorrows and joys with another. Caring and sharing is a natural need and instinct and without it men and women become quite equal in becoming ‘lonely’. Albeit one half talks and the other remains silent
So is it harder for guys than it is for girls? I don’t think any measure is possible to compare the two. But what we can all agree on is that both have their own crises to deal with, their own emotional vacuum to battle and their own ‘ways’ to be able to walk the thin ice of ‘loneliness’.
Posted By - 5:24 PM Saturday 10 December 2005
Comments
Good one. The Subject is interesting & apeal's to read the full story.
Posted by on December 13, 2005 04:03 PM
I like the flavour of Artile.
Posted by on December 13, 2005 04:10 PM
Thank you Mr. Sunil Kolhi and Mr. Arun Pant for appreciating the article. Hope you will be visitng the blog regularly now. Please feel free to share your views with us on any of the articles.
Cheers!
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SUMANTA SENGUPTAcommented ( 3:55 PM Wednesday 23 July 2008) on
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Good one.