(Let my clarify it for those of you who aren’t from the IT background – “if, then, else” is a very commonly used syntax to lead the program to do certain tasks and to perform better.)

If --- so and so condition
Then – do this
Else – do that

Now this clause of IT has become a way of life for modern India. It has become

If – things go well according to ‘my wishes’
Then --- I am happy, everything is fine
Else – I will take measures to be happy.

And the virus is spreading real fast…

That means the "Else" virus will be an outbreak worse than any pandemic, and more contagious than the common cold. The ripples effects can create a washout of all logic, and could be termed as the tsunami of all reason.

Mind you the “else” symptoms are different for different sections of the society. It is inversely proportionate to the tolerance and happiness quotient. Some can be mild and some can be quite harmful.

I will talk about the milder versions later but let me bring to your notice some common violent and harmful symptoms of the “ELSE” outbreak.

The common man –
If – govt. functions properly, we have fulltime electricity, water, safety, and the list goes on and on
Then – everything is gr8
Else -- we take to roads, shout slogans, burn buses, hold dharnas, fill jails, etc etc etc


The govt. –
If – their coiffeurs are full and the seats secure
Then – everything is gr8
Else -- increase taxes, increase prices, and decrease supply,

The other "Else" syndromes, are not too palatable, and somebody or the other has to pay the price. Bottom line is it’s a tough cakewalk to achieve a win win solution and keep everybody ‘happy’ and satisfied.

Media Else -- publish provocative papers, conduct sting operations, engage in yellow journalism

Professional Else – Doctors, lawyers, engineers, bank officials, teachers, nurses, pilots, and every other responsible professional goes on strike

Political Else – Break chairs in parliament, sit on dharna, slander other parties, use religion as a weapon for divide and rule, use caste as a weapon for divide and rule, blah blah blah before elections and after.

Fanatical Else – burn temples, burn mosques, burn churches, arson and religion based riots, attack actresses who dared to enter temples, impose bans on films, theater.

Sundry Else – These are common in common people who belong no-where, and thus unhappy everywhere.

They pick up their cudgels for every front-page article that they can warp. Every cause is their cause. They start showing their symptoms on -- comments made by political leaders, actors, sportsperson, girls’ attire in college, marriage rights of muslim women, children singing gayatri mantra, impose bans on films, theater.

Criminal else –bomb, shoot, kidnap, rape, throw acid, kill, malign, slander, murder.

Personal Else – backbite, malign, plot, stop promotion, use power to make others’ lives miserable, threatening to commit suicide, self-immolation, hunger strike, and emotional blackmail.

It will take me three years if I start writing the rest of symptoms. It’s not a very difficult thing to spot. This is a nation of millions with their arms twisted. Because in order to keep everybody happy and prosperous, somebody needs to twist some body's arm and needs to fight from being arm-twisted.

Many people may feel, I am not the one who has ever arm-twisted anybody. I don’t have the signs of any of the above symptoms. So I am safe from the virus.

Are you really safe? Think again. If you have to fight for your rights, you have to have the “else” virus in you. Think about it….
More in part two……


Princess Baatcheet