Dear Anusheh,

Your post and the question that you have put forth have brought the inconsistencies that lie behind the 'freedom' that we are always claiming to have achieved.

It angers me to read customs such as these, whether it's in Pakistan, India or whichever part of the world.

I often place myself in the 'world' of these women and think what it must be like to be them. I shudder at the thought of it and ask myself why why why... why are these people not able to come out of the time warp. What is happening in these communities that is holding them from coming out of the darkness? Why are the so called laws that deal with violence against women not being used here?

Anusheh

True, one cannot help but wonder about time, about what being part of one consciousness really means when physical reality can be so overwhelmingly stark. Many years ago a woman (artist) from Pakistan came for one of our workshops. She was a Sindhi and shared her lineage and customs from the family home (in a village) where most of her family still resided. Somewho Nafisa had manged to strike out a space for herself in a city, freewheeling lifestyle (though all under wraps as far as the family was concerned). Some of the customs she mentioned were so unimaginable, that one could only stare at her wonderstruck about how women even in the sub-continent were living in such different time zones.

What i will never forget is when someone asked her how she managed to live with her two selves, especially everytimes she visited her village and had to live within the women's cloister. She responded calmy "For years I have known I am schizophrenic- split irreconciliably- and with no resolution in sight. Perhaps that is why my art is my lifeline, its the only space which sustains my split being."

Dear Anusheh,

How barbaric! Really it seems that people who follow such customs are in the DARKEST of ages. It's just another form of prostitution.

Keeping women uneducated and within the four walls of the house is a way of keeping them within this time warp.

Reminded me of a Knight Shyamalan movie where the elders of a particular community built a wall around their village to prevent the changing times from effecting their community. Within the boundary everything was like the olden days, the way people dressed, behaved. Inorder to make it look authentic the elders would dress up like gremlins whenever any young boy/girl tried to move out of the village, and attack them. In the end one girl manages to climb onto the otherside of the boundary to find a whole new world.

These 'traditional' customs are doing just that. keeping women away from changing with the times. I hope the girls who are fighting against this custom get full support from the government, their families and the larger community.

Jasjit,

How aptly put by Nafisa that she is living like a schizophrenic. Sad but she spoke the truth. Her art atleast gave her that escape.

Dear Anusheh,

How shamefull all this is. Really does make one think about the fragments of time we individually and culturally live in and how disconnected they seem from one another.Or are we really as apart from these cultures as we think we are? If everything is manifested as the desire of collective consciousness - in this case misogyny-then are time warps like these just indicators that all is still not well in the world of masculinity?

Just trying to apply some of the wisdom received from this blog.

Dear Anusheh,

I was quite unaware of these barbaric acts and it is just plain painful to think how women were/are treated as mere objects to be used and traded. Wasnt this also shown in the movie 'pinjar'? That was when for the first time I got to know that things like these existed and continues to be prevelant. What kind of a mindset these people must have to stoop so low! Really really upsetting!

But thanks Anusheh for bringing this issue out in the open and I truly hope that more and more people read about this. Its time this is put an end to.

I pray for the 5 girls struggling to live ...... May God be with them ...

Dear Anusheh,

So much pain!? Its disturbing!

I guess such torture of masses needs the mass itself (or some kind of Information drive) to uproot such deep rooted customs. Maybe one or more of those women themselves would be the means of bringing such customs down.
(don't know if it already has happened)

I just hope these distortions get resolved soon.

Venkatesh - I'm with you my friend. Can see how such distortions (or the other side of our cultures) twist the meaning of Masculinity so wrongly & inflict it wrongly upon the masses.

Dear Jasjit & Chaitali: perhaps indulging in an art (a great means) helped Nafisa live thru her 2 selves. I hope she comes out a winner (isn't she already one?). I hope someone from her clan can see her strength. And I hope this triggers a chain reaction of realizations.

I realize how slow we are (as a society) in coming out of such distrotions & time warps. Perhaps thats because the larger the mass (the victims) the longer to grow out.

But - Hats off to those 5 girls & those supporting them. They are bringer of hope for so many.

Thanks for bringing out such distortions!

Love & best wishes,
Surya.

Dear Venkat

Well put. You're absolutely right. Some just serve as violent, crude and in your face reminders that all is not entirely well and that the past is still just around the corner. Given half a chance it will rear its ugly head again.

Surya

Indeed there is a lot of pain in the world. Lets hope that these five girls will make it. Though I know the courts will support them one is more concerned about the five men and their families who will try everything to destroy their lives.

Chaitali

There are many far flung areas where the law jsut doesnt reach. These tribes apply their own rules and their own modes for justice. One of Pakistans biggest challenges is the feudalism that exists and the tribal belt which remains to be out of the governments control.

Hi Shubhz

Glad to hear you're feeling better:)

love to all of you

Wow Anusheh, quite a time warp there? So how come educated women aren't up in arms? Sorry to soundd so ignorant but Pakistan does confuse me. Like there is an Islamic state and all that and yet a red light area like Hira Mandi exists in the heart of Lahore. And from what I'm told, a fairly old & established brothel area which you can just drive through even today? So how come the clergy don't know or don't care etc? And if that's o'k, because its for men, then why are other women controilled by tradition?

Sorry don't know enough so am probably sounding confused

Dear Radhika

What can I say except that these are the contradictions that make up Pakistan. Hira Mandi does indeed exist and flourish right in the heart of Pakistan's cultural capital, Lahore.

Interestingly enough it is all legitimised under the Shia practice of Muta'h (not sure of spelling). As you may know there are two main sects in Islam the Sunnis and the Shias. Muta'h is a practice of temporary marriage which is actually quite empowering as a concept because it acknowledges sexual desire amongst both men and women. Allowing them to enter into temporary contracts of marriage (read sex) to fulfill sexual desire whereas at the same time allowing men and women to draw up their own legal contract. For example the woman can demand that if during Muta'h she becomes pregnant the man will look after the child, either party can also stipulate the duration of the Muta'h (couple of hours to months/years). Its quite an open ended thing. Men can enter into Muta'h and women can initiate it too. It is recognised by law.

However in this case it is simply used to legalise prostitution. Having said that Islamic or not....men continue to lay down laws to suit their own purposes and the clergy I'm afraid are not beyond being just simply men.

Hope this helps clear some of the confusion.

dear Anusheh,
y is that women have to pay for the crimes commited by men.????
i do agree time can never be measured with the regular ticks of seconds but our experience and pain /joy streches into never ending streams of moments ..
what u hav described is shocking !!!
but women sacrificing is prevelant in all communities..a girl wont be allowed to pursue eduaction if there is a brother..
if i could ever travel back in time ..i want to know the reason when this inequality between the sexes started ..........

Hey Anusheh,

Wow! Mutah sounds like a liberal concept and its quite hard to believe that Islam allows it. How contradictory indeed ...

Anusheh,

Reading your article and the comments, the village panchayats in India come into my mind. These panchayats were recognised by the government and given certain autonomous powers so that they could look into administrative and legal matters in the villages. Since many of the villages in India are in remote areas, or where transport and communication is not very developed the Government felt that having the panchayats within the village, represented by memebers of it's own community would serve the purpose of a democratic governance.

But many of these panchayats create their own 'laws' and use the power given to them to exploit the poor, those belonging to 'low' caste. Much of the exploitation is carried out on women. Gang rapes, parading women naked, beheading etc. are punishments that are announced in the court-like hearings in village panchayats.

The police often don't do anything either because they are also a part of the village (patriarchal) concsiousness or they do not find people coming forward as witnesses to such crime.

Dear Anusheh

"how will she even comprehend why her mirror distorts time?" Such a powerful expression !!

These incidents & customs,they shock the conscience and haunt your soul..I mean i feel "is this real ??" Sadly i know it is !!

Where do you think lies the solution ? I mean we can have strong judiciary,stringent enforcements etc but till the time Human beings (unfortunately we are said to be the Supreme Living Beings..i doubt) do not value & respect other human beings its gonna be a tough ask :-(

Donno why but i am reminded of these lines..

"Qaid-e-hayat aur band-e-gham
asl mein dono ek hain
maut se pahle admi
gham se nijaat paaye kyu "
[Life & pain are synonymous, how can one expect salvation before Death]

Dear Prasun

Well you said it yourself. Ultimately until human beings don't learn to value and respect themselves there is little chance of them offering respect to others. I think feudal cultures especially,which thrive on the brutal force of the masculine, refusing to acknowledge that the feminine is actually the source of life itself, are capable of the worst form of denigration of women, no matter where they are in the world.

love

Dear Anusheh,

reading ur post only question came to my mind.

why?!!!

why this gross injustice to women? what was their fault in the original episodes?

as preethi puts it...why should they pay for someone elses fault.

the world is a mixture of dark and light. these instances are defnitely in the darkest.

hope the collective will of change propels these brave women towards brighter light.

love

Hi Guys,

Hey Prasun,

"Life & pain are synonymous, how can one expect salvation before Death" - Very true. Good one.

Dear Anusheh & Everyone here,

Was thinking about Aachi's Questions (I've had the same Question(s)) - "why this gross injustice to women? what was their fault in the original episodes?"

Is it possible that since women of countries like India & Pakistan (esp. the islamic communities) have been silently accepting a lot that has been imposed/inflicted upon them, Men (the likes of those tribesmen - confused abt their masculinity) may have simply started off such customs to keep some kind of 'upper hand' on women and this way it spread like wild fire.

And now its difficult to uproot them simply because the minds of all these people cannot be just cleaned up all at once? [unlike in MIB where they flashed a light in front of a crowd and the crowd would forget what had happened ;-)]

Just some thoughts.

Best Wishes,
Sandeep.

Dear Aachi and Surya

I guess violence is just like that, mindless and not perpetrated because of reason or justification. And of course it is always about power.

hi anusheh, things happen in the world and in fact in the universe itself right from the big bang like the growing of a tree. at any given time somewhere a main branch is taking off from some other branch, somewhere some twigs, some leaves, some flowers some fruits are taking off from their respective predecessor entities and all such happenings seem to be identical to all such other previous happenings though actually they are subtly differet.

likening the beginning of a main branch to dark periods it means there will be many dark periods going on in the world at any given point of time. yet tree as a whole will also be developing in a linear time.

so really, at the end of the day all is well with the world. oppressions are there so that lifeforce in fighting against them (it is the very job of the life-force to fight against obstacles/oppressions) moves the things further, it is in fact the very key to evolution. no problem no solution, no oppression no progress.

Absolutely Harb...and no pain, no gain.

Good Morning Harb

Well said. Light can only ever have meaning in the face of dark and so the dualities of life continue.

SO I wonder if Kaskit means anything and maybe this indicates I should be thinking about taking on a new name. lol

Harb this is the phone number in Amritsar- Bhai Chatur Singh/Jiwan Singh. They do amazing, everything under the sun books and have a dictionary in the Roman script. I told them you would call them directly and give them the mailing address- ph number- 0183- 2547974/2542346.

thank you jasjit i will contact them. i have been reading their name - bhai chatur singh/jiwan singh - right since my boyhood. my father was a manager in a gurdwara for about 40 years and probably he brought some books/magazines published by them regularly.

hi anusheh!

i cant seem to understand that the customs u are tawkin abt exist in the same pakistan i live in as an a level student makin my own descisons and bein consulted on everytin by my parents...
but such tabooos shud be dealt with
and we shud all help and fight all the social injustices..
dunt know how but i strongly feel that we shud
.. newaiz ur article was informative but sad..
thanks !

Dear Sarah

Some of us are just lucky!! I dont think I would have ever focused on such things either if an interest hadnt developed in trying to look at what life was like for the majority of women and not just for the handful of us who live priveleged lives.

There's a lot going on out there which is sad and which needs our attention and focus especially because we are priveleged.

Warm regards

Dear Anusheh
What I read from your article, I believe its the face of human dignity that thrives on gender exploitation.Male has always been the one who takes decisions in these tribes and even in most parts of the world.So its only to please the hunger of sex thriving males that such customs were brought into practice.
Now what I see the solution to overcome these practices lies nowhere else but with the people facing such inhumanities.
Like you mentioned of a girl doing MA is not giving under to this practice and her father is supportive of her in this.So it seducation that has made her take this stand.
So my view is female girls should be educated so that they can fight for their rights and against such evil practices and we as people should support them by generating mass support for them, by writting such articles as you wrote and resoponding them with our views like ,myself and lot of others over here did.