Dear Anusheh,

words fail to express my amazement at your presence of mind and the courageous way in which you tackled a most dangerous situation.

hats off :)

lots of love

Wow Anusheh, what an amazing story and i bow in silence for your courage.

I once experienced a situation, when i was babysitting with my neighbours. Lights were on and curtains open there. When i went home my mother and father had already gone to bed. I had my own bedroom with a balcony. There was a curtain before the balcony door but there was also a little window on the top of the wall next to it. I started to undress and suddenly looked at that window and immediately frooze to death when i saw a face looking at me through it.

I ran to my parent´s bedroom screaming `there is a man looking through the window`. My father immediately came looking but there was already no-one there anymore. His first reaction was that i must have imagined it. I could not convince him at that moment that i told the truth.

Luckily the other morning there were footsteps in our garden that proved there had been someone on the balcony.

I had to deal with two kinds of fears. First the shock of someone staring at me and the second one that my father did not believe me. It made me a little uncertain in that time. I was only 16 then. Strange was that my mother believed me instantly :)

Much love and respect

wow!

Hats off to you Anusheh! ; - )

Cheers, Rohit

Dear Aachi and Rohit

Thank you for your kind words.

Dear Mieke

Thank you for your warmth and friendship and for sharing that story. I think you've made such an important point there. Often a violation can be as (if not more)traumatic than the fact that we are not believed. Strange but one really wonders what makes a parent respond like that. Is it fear and the denial that it brings about?

I know many over the course of my work, who were more traumatised eventually not because they were raped/violated but because their families refused to believe them. It's a strange world we all live in.

lots of love

Hi Anusheh,
I am amazed by the exemplary courage that you have shown more so in writing this story. It must have been really tough for you to put down the horrific event in words.
But I am sure your efforts are well worth it and they would infuse courage amongst the women who have to face these incidents day in and day out. I hope this story of yours can reach out to a lot many people.

anusheh, great story of self-discovery and triumph.

fear is the key.

ramana maharshi used to freeze lions and snakes in their tracks by his mere absolutely fearless looks.

Dear Harbji Thank you.

Dear Chet
Thanks. Writing this story was difficult but not because the recounting is traumatic. Actually because to remember and articulate those emotions was really difficult since one has moved so far ahead since then and since the event actually gave me an inordinate sense of courage and the ability to protect myself. I guess that's the point I'm really trying to make through this story. It could have been the tale of a victim but instead it turned into a story of empowerment for me. I do believe that it can be that way for all women. And I know many for whom it is. :-)

absolutely amazing,your story is indeed exemplary.I was actually amazed and too awe struck to write anything.

Strength, courage and not giving in to a weak mind and fear is what I felt as I read your narration. Thanks for sharing this incident and your feelings at the time with us.

Once a friend of mine and I were traveling by train. It was a night journey and the compartment in which we were was quite deserted. The only other people in the compartment were a couple of men. My friend kept glancing nervuosly towards a man sitting diagonally opposite to us and kept telling me that she was sure that the man drunk and he was staring at us.

She was so scared that the man/men might attack us at night that she did not sleep the whole night.

Strangely I had not even noticed the man or bothered about whether we were the only women in the compartment. But the fear of rape made my friend notice all these. Yes the possibility that I could be raped was there but the element of fear of rape was just not there in my mind and so even after she told me it did not affect me.

I tried to assure my friend and got as far as getting her to climb on to the middle berth but she stayed awake whole night while I slept peacefully on the lower bunk facing the 'potential' rapist.

Yes Harb and Chaitali, it is definitely a case of what you radiate you receive back :)

Dear Anusheh,

A while later my father, mother and i had another talk about what happened that night on the balcony. Because after he had seen the footsteps in the garden he had to admit there had been someone.

He told me that he was shocked in the same way as i was, he hadn´t seen it happen so his first reaction was denial.
My mother told me she had experienced things like that and her first reaction was that it could be possible.

We had a good talk about this and it did not leave any scars afterwards :)

But it was a frightening experience for all three of us.

Thank you Sayan and Chaitali. Truly fear has little to do with what is out there and more to do with who we are and how we percieve things.

Mieke, that's good to know that it was discussed and resolved. I guess it is fear then. I can imagine how distressing it must have been though to have seen someone looking at you like that. Experiences like these can really shake one up especially at that kind of age. I remember that in our old family home in Lahore (City in pakistan) a milkman used to come every morning on his motor bike. My cousin was around twelve then and he exposed himself to her when she went to collect the milk. That incident shook her up really badly, so much so that she wouldnt approach any vendor after that out of sheer fear of another incident taking place.

Dear Anusheh...I wish that doesn't happen to any woman what u went thru'. Yes, very well written. Especially abt how the divine within, if tapped in anyone can create miracles.

Touching story really. Maybe, you were destined to go thru' that only to Understand and feel the victim's Pain and agony...so that in your life work, you cud do the best possible for them.

Love..Sachin

fear draws the attacker in the same way vacummed space draws air.

anusheh, what happened for you was what in science is called quantum jump, in which you get disconnected from a previous state of being to arrive at a completely new state. you sort of 'die' to an old self to be born to a new one, and that i think was the one which emerged from the situation, or which simultaneously emerged from within you and took control of the situation, and in such a dramatic way so that thenceforth you will not forget it.

in me it happened in some way in my mind in what i described here as my first experience of oneness, in which i had written

"It was not something which had happened to me as say an ordinary incident or even accident would happen to me: a happening, happening to me as something separate from ‘me,’ so that I could simultaneously act as an observer and a participator, so that I could 'note it down' as it happened. It had somehow involved me totally: it had somehow involved even that part of me which was supposed to 'note it down,' was supposed to act as the base on which the mechanism of my memory was to function."

perhaps in the same way even though for a fraction of a second you lost yourself completely, that is, even that part of you which was supposed to not it down...just in your case it happened in what jasjit somewhere called the observable world, in my case, in the mental world.

some ponderings....

Dear Anusheh, I had a similar experience as your cousin the day before i got married. I told my mother and the only thing she could say at that moment was that she was very sorry for me that that had to happen on the day before my marriage. I remember it had an effect on my wedding day, i didn´t feel that i looked like a radiant bride lol

When i look back at the pictures i did, so it was all in my head.

The fear inside has to be overcome and i got the chance when i followed that course i already told you about. After my "experience of oneness" i had to accept my own deep sexuality and i went into the "swamp" and pulled myself out at the last moment with the help of my doctor who did not give me pills but let me talk and talk and asked a few questions that put me on the right track.

I must say i have a husband who is very wise and helped me a lot during this period. When it was over we became friends and still are. And for me this was the "fraction" to much friction :)

Thanks Sachin. Yes, perhaps you're right.

Dear Harbji

I love that paragraph you have written about your oneness experience!

Yes I guess it was a quantum leap of a kind. Because it did change me irreversibly and left me in a bit of stupor for like you rightly say there was a force which took over and just sailed me right through. One which perhaps I would never have otherwise been aware of.

I guess a state of heightened alertness can perhaps do that to one. The senses converge into a peak of alertness and there is no option left but to make a quantum leap. Does that make sense?

Dear Mieke

Sometimes I really wonder whether there is any woman who has not had at least some sort of a sexually violative experience. I dont think I know any who haven't for that matter.

Someone who understands, lets you talk, listens with understanding is all that one really needs perhaps to begin to heal from such experiences. And of course the fear that we all carry within.....there is so much of it. Some handed down through generations, some which has just become gender/social baggage and some that we accumulate along the way. But even though visiting and purging oneself of fears can seem to be a really tedious and close to impossible task, it is so so worth it.

just rambling:-)

I guess it made me creative in many ways :)
It gives me the chance to be in the now and become one with my creations.

Wow Anusheh you have done is what perhaps all women dream of doing but few have the courage to. or maybe like you said we will never go beyond ourselves if not tested. I am so moved and inpired by your story and I wish every girl had a chance to read this and know that rape is something that live in our heads and we all have to option to throw it out. Brilliant and awe-inspiring.

Lots of love to you and good wishes

anushehis, after such profound though often painful experiences whatver one says makes perfect sense, only the explanatins may sometimes be different.

our evolution moves on two tiers. the first one, the deeper one, pushes us through quantum jumps to the next stage, to the newer/higher perceptions, the second then tries to stabilise the things there and cling to them/keep the status quo to the limits of its powers (including powers of its senses).

we have the power over the second but none over the first or the deeper one, rather it has power over us. it takes its directions from the one, from the very beginning of the universe. it is sort of autonomous. it is like rab da bhana, it is to which krishna alludes to when he says to arjuna to do his duty but leave the result to him.

when the time to jump to the next stage has come, the second, the shallow, the status quoist in its effort to keep itself to its prsent stage invokes all its senses to their fullest to use (to keep the present stage/status quo) but the very next moment they fail, or fail it/him/her, only to be - and actually for this very purpose only - taken over by that deeper self/force which pushes it/us to make the quantum jump, to have the new perception. we simply cannot keep the continuity of our senses and yet make the quantum jump or have an entirely new perception.

from the deeper level you are to make the quantum jump the more dangerous situations you will encounter, for as said above, one will have to die to one's present/prevailing self to emerge into a new self,into a new perception.

Dear Harb, may i thank you for the above comment :)

I have learnt so much from your book. I have said it to myself and on blogs: it is gratitude for the wisdom you receive when you are willing to experience.

And indeed we have the power over the second but not over the first.

It is therefore that i say to myself everyday:

Dare to surrender, in gratitude :)
And before the grace.... I go

Thanks again

mieke, lol, you are answering here my comment and i at intentblog yours. seems in some way we are at the same spacetime lol.

Hi Harb, talking about synchronicity lol.

I am going to share my poem about spiritual ecstacy again on intent and here as a reply to yours and anon´s and just because that´s me at the moment in full grateful surrender lol:

(Spiritual) Ecstasy.

It seems i do not need any drugs

to feel whole and truly loved

when i am drowned into your hugs

i feel so special, so beloved

you are so kind and unconditional

i am accepted just by being there

that means that i always feel so special

it makes me feel that i am everywhere

cause always in your embracing arm

there will never be any harm

coming to me of that i´m so sure

that is why i feel so secure

the Lord is my Saviour, i know of no lack

and i am his forever without any backtrack

Good Morning Mieke

Lovely thoughts. Perhaps I shall share some Haikus I have written and maybe try my hand at some poems too. we are posting an open thread so we can all share our creative and extraordinary experiences

Much Love

Dear Harbji

Sorry for not responding earlier but we've been having a hell of a time with electricity here. Yesterday we thought we'd just become a puddle of water lol. Even stopped counting the hours it was gone after a while because the brain had completely shut down:-)

Thank you for that comment it was very interesting and I need to think about it a little before I respond.

Mieke thanks for that sweet poem.

lots of love

Hi Jasjit and Anusheh, and Harb too,

Wow that must really have been a hell of day for you all there, with that heat and then electricity gone.
I remember Harb mentioning this regularly to me in email conversation.

Do you know what causes this to happen so often?

It has happened here to us last year too causing the middle of our country, and especially people depending on computers, organizations etc. quite some loss of data.

Kudos Anusheh

During college days, i too faced a very similar incident. I was with a male friend, walking on the ridge near delhi university, at dusk.

The men who stopped us were three local police hawaldars...but unlike you i was not brave but i was lucky that some elderly walkers came by and saved the day for me.

The only courage i showed was, after the near attack. we did go to to the local police station to file A report but nothing ever happened. Also,(i wish now i had)we never did a proper follow up.

Your courage marvels and inspires me and i shall surely get Nayantara (my daughter)to read your piece and hope she can be more valiant than her mother :)

Mads

thanks. I have to tell you as someone who trained in Taekwondo, that the first thing our Masters told us was that when confronted by an attacker the first thing you should do is RUN. So the important thing at the end of the day was that you managed to get away...doesn't matter how:-)

Hi Anusheh

An amazing piece written by you I can just imagine the courage you have got writing all about it, as i still quiver whenever I have to talk about it. You have always been an inspiration for me and though we had a very brief working relation during sahil days but just wanted to tell you that you made difference in a lot of lives and as I can see it that you are continuing to do so. Best of luck with whatever you are out there to achieve.

Love

Samra

Dear Samra

Thank you for your kind and warm words. Great to see you here:-)I hope you'll continue to blog with us. Where are you now and what are you doing?

love
Anusheh

You are courageous. And truly an inspiration. Thank you, thank you so much for sharing this.

Thanks Idea Smith. Good to see you on the blog!

Hi Anusheh

Well I am working in Sindh, Mainly in Thatta region on providing better livelihood options to the communities and people over here. The hidden agenda is to make women get up and stand for their rights and be included in the decision making community. Its a pretty tough world out there and I realized how protected we are in Islamabad .... Well sorry for blogging so late hopefully I will blog sooner next time.

Take care

Hi Samra

Good to hear from you again. That's amazing how did you land up in Thatta?! It is a really tough world out there. When we did some work in Sindh we realised just how backward everything was, especially the state of women. Lots of luck, and let me know how it goes
love

sad