Great idea to laugh it all off!
Here's my favourite Santa Singh/Banta Singh takes.

Ek dost ne Santa Singh se poocha," yaar tu hamesha phoren channel kyon dekhta hai?"

Santa Singh," Yaar kuch bijli unki bhi to kharcha hone do."

Why did Santa Singh cut both sides of the capsule before eating it?
To avoid the side affects.

Man," Sardarji where were u born?"
Sardarji ,"Punjab"
Man "Which part?"
Sardarji,"Oy yeh part, part kya karta hai? The whole body was born in Punjab."

Lawyer to Sardar,"Gita pe haath rakh kar kaho."
Sardar,"Oy, Sita par haath rakha to court mey bulaya ab Gita par haath
rakehney ko keh raho ho."

Teacher," akal badi yah bhains?"
Banta Singh:," Sir pehle date of birth to batao."

Why was Santa Singh writing his exam next to the door.
Because it was an entrance exam.

Santa Singh,"I am so proud that my son is in medical college."
Banta Singh,"What is he studying there?"
Santa,"Oy he is not studying but they are studying him."

Santa Singh, "Have you heard odf the Suez Canal?"
Banta,"Oye yes I have."
Santa,"Well my father dug it, you know."
Banta,"Lao Ji. Have you heard of the Dead Sea?"
Santa,'Yes I have."
Banta,"Well my father killed it Ji."

Some of my favourite BLONDE JOKES ...

- Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking and one blonde says to the other: "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says, "Helloooooooo, can you see Florida?"

- A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "And, how often do I have to do that?"

- A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys
would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

- There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side!"

- A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

- A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what, were going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot, you'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know, we're going at night!"

- A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLOOOOOOO," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

- Two blondes were going to Disneyland and they came to a sign that says, DISNEYLAND LEFT, so they turned around and went home.

CHEERS! :)

These made me laugh:)

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
-- Robin Williams

--------------------------------------------

The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes?"

"Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking"

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.
When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from
another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is
your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.

"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease (related to

memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.

"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than
once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the
middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

Sometime back i created an Osho Joke yahoo group :

www.groups.yahoo.com/group/OshoJokes

I posted many good jokes there used by osho in his discourses.

Cheers, Rohit

I really liked the zen jokes sundar!
The blonde jokes make me think about how funny it is that so many women in the West - and now in India - want to be blonde and go streak their hair in that terrible shade of blonde when it has a widespread connotation with dumbness! And for the record, I know two really smart natural blondes. Hmmm... maybe its the 'bottle blondes' who are the dumb ones!

Pope vs Santa Singh

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the sardars had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the sardar community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of
the sardar community. If the sardar won, the sardars could stay. If the Pope won, the sardars would leave.

The sardars realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle Aged man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one
addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would
be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed
three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santa Singh pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out An apple.
The Pope stood up and said, -I give up. This man is too good. The sikhs can stay.
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent
the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God
absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the sikh community had crowded around Santa Singh. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Santa Singh, "First he said to me
that the sikhs had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of sikhs. I let him know that we were staying right here." "Yes, yes,..and
then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know", said Santa Singh, "He took out his lunch, and I took
out mine!"

:)

some great shares here..tx...

maybe, some of you have heard this (newtonian) dynamic;was popular during my college years...

the angle of the dangle is equal to the thrust of the breast upon the chest...

a must know for technical efficiencies at critical moments!!!!!!!

Thanks for the laughs Jasjit, Chaitali, Aachi and Sundar.

ok heres one more. Got this in my email some time back. Its called the "Indian Quiz".

Next time you get asked an annoying Indian question, answer it like this...read on, it's funny!

Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....

Q. You're from India, aren't you? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?

[note: This one we were actually asked in August '93 by a real estate agent when house-hunting in Boston.]

A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started elephant-pooling with our neighbors, to save the air. You see elephants have an "emissions" problem.....

Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing schemes.

Q. Does India have TV?
A. No. We only have cable.

Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.

Q. How come you speak English so well?
A. You see when the British were ruling India, they employed Indians as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English. So the
British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused their servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born speaking English.

A variation to the above is a compliment ---

"You speak very good English."
Response: Thanks. So do you.

Q. Are you a Hindi?
A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.

Q. Do you speak Hindu?
A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.

Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school.

Q. India is very hot, isn't it?
A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.

Q. Are there any business companies in India ?
A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of self-sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our own food. That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is a lot of hard work.

Q. Indians cannot eat beef, huh?
A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the
population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat.

Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?
A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is why things are so inefficient there.

Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that?
A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the botton of our feet to make it hard so that we can walk.

Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
A. I prefer it to coming naked.

Q. How do you celebrate Thanksgiving day in India?
A. By roasting an American....

HAVE A NICE DAY! :)

Great jokes. Here's another one.

A Sardar, and an American are seated next to each other on a flight
from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a
fun-game. The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines
and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of
fun. He says, I'll ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
you pay me $5, and vice versa.

Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now worked up, says, Okay, if you don't know the
answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, i'll pay you $500.

This gets the sardar's attention and, figuring there will be no end
to this torment, agrees to the game. The American asks the first question, What is the distance from the earth to the moon?

The Sardar doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a
$5 bill and hands it to the American.

Okay, says the American, its Your turn.
So the Sardar asks, What goes up a hill with three legs and comes
down with four legs?

The American thinks about it. No answer.

Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.
No answer! He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and
the Library of Congress. No answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers.
Checks the input. All to no avail!

Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and hands him $500.
The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.
The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardar and asks,

Well, whats the answer?

Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands the American $5,
and goes back to sleep....!

Great one Anusheh, finally one about a Sardar actually outwitting someone else.

Loved yours too Aachi. Very clever!

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato
garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped
him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned
his situation:
Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant
my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because
your mother always loved planting. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be
over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
.............................Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram: "For Heaven's sake, Dad,
don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!"

At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police
officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any
guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what
happened, and asked him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes,
Dad.......................... It's the best I could do for you from
here."

The jokes are really funny. Here is one I heard on the radio.

A husband saw his wife franctically searching the house for something. She looked very disturbed. SO he asked her what was it that she was looking for. THe wife told him that she was looking for some offical document.

He gat very curious and asked her which official document she was looking for.

The wife said that she was couldn't remember where she had kept their marriage registration certificate. On hearing this the husband assured that she must have kept it in a safe place and would find it eventually.

The wife said that she knew that it was in some safe place. So the husband asked then why was she so despearte to find it.

The wife answered "Because I want to see what was the expiry date mentioned on it." :)

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
of one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's {2005}
winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

hilarious shares..

anusheh - you have outdone it all with that last installment xx

Thx Maya, these ones are for you.

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a
preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water
and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is
almost overcome by the smell of booze. But, he still manages to ask the
drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Yes,I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and
asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again but for
a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks
again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the
water again --- but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.
The preacher asked the drunk again, "For the love of God, have you found
Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes,catches his breath and says to the preacher,
"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
______________________________________________
Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.

________________________________________________
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash h! ai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
_________________________________________________

Insults:
1.As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
2. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?
3. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing
4. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
5. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.
6. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
7.Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
8.Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?
9.Keep talking; someday you'll say something intelligent!
10.Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
11.Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
12.Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.
13.He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.
14.He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!
15.You are a man of the world-and you know what a sad shape the world is in.
16.He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!
17.He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?

love
Anusheh

Hi everyone.
Very funny jokes. Specially Anushehe and Aachi jokes are too good.

I have one joke.

The Young Brahmin asked, " Is it true, your daughter has all good qualities and good looks ? "

The old brahmin said, " Haan ! More that that, she is SundaraVati and Padma Vati ! "

" But, can she cook and keep house ? " Asked the young man.

" Oh yes, she is Dharma Vati ! " answer old man.

" Can she sew ? " asked the young man.

" Oh yes . . . . yes, she can not only sew, but she is Kala Vati ! " said the old man.

" What is her education ? " asked the young man.

" She is Vidya Vati ! " said old man.

" And Vedas ? " asked the young man.

" Oh yes yes, she is Veda Vati ! " answer old man.

The young man is very happy to find perfect bride and get married to her. Two days later, he come back with his bride in
town. The old Brahmin is surprised.

He asks, " What happeded, my son ? " Why do you look upset ?

The young man say, " Sir, you tell me ur daughter isa Sundara Vati, Padma Vati, Dharm Vati, Kala Vati, Vidya Vat and Veda Vati ?

" Yes, my son - I did " replies old man.

" But Sir - you forgot to tell me she is allready Garbha Vati also!!! "

Thankx

Continuing with the laugh riot ...
-------------------------------------------------
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to wash my car.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my chequebook off the table, and see that there is only one check left

My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my
chequebook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

Q: "How did the Narmada Valley form ?"
Brahmin wrote to a hotel, "Can I stay with my parrot ?"

The hotel owner wrote back: " I have never had to call the polie to get

an unruly parrot out, I have never found towels inside a parrot's

suitcases, I have never found ashes in a heap on the floor after a

parot has stayed in my hotel. I have never had a parrot waking up all

the guests early in the morning by loudly chanting Vedic mantras.
Yes, your parrot is welcome.

PS. If he can vouch for you, I shall also permit you to stay."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Brahmin goes to the countryside. Astonished to see a cow with no

horns, he asks the Yadav, ` Why does this cow have no horns ?'
The Yadav replies, ` Some cows don't have horns because they never get

them, others lost them in fights, and others do not get them because of

some disease. This cow does not have horns because its a horse.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------

A Brahmin and a Rajput share the same compartment in a train. Early in

the morning the Brahmin chants a loud mantra, which angers a Rajput who

is trying to continue sleeping. He asks the Brahmin,
"Hey, Pandoo [ slang for Pandit ], why do you keep shouting ?"
"It keeps elephants away," replied the Brahmin.
"But there are no elephants here for thosands of miles. Besides, no

elephant could ever get into this train," said the Rajput.
"See how effective it IS"

----------------------------------------------------------------------
A: "Someone dropped a coin and a Brahman went digging for it."

Q:"How do they take the census in Kannauj (Lot of Brahmins?) ?"
A:"They roll a ruppee down the street."

Q: How many Brahmins does it take to change a light bulb ? Has not yet

been determined.
A: They are still searching for a Vedic reference to light bulb.

Man says: Did you hear about the New Brahmin sports car?
Woman says: no.
Man: It stops on a coin and picks it up to !!

Q: "What do Brahmins do when they are cold ?"
A: "They sit around a candle!!"
Q: "What do they do when they are really cold ??"
A: "They light it!!"

Q: "How do you recognize a Brahmins house ?"
A: "There is toilet paper hanging on the clothes-line."

Q: What is a Brahmin's idea of open-mindedness ?
A: Dating a Tambram [ Tamil Brahmin Girl ].

-----------------------------------------

Jatt te Baah-man

Banham: tainu pata hai aaj kal loki brain wash kar dendhe nee

Jatt: achha

Baah-man : but I am luck mere naal nahi ho sakdha

Jatt: Kash main vhee lucky hundhaa

Baah-man: @@$#%^%^^

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

--
JATT: "Haan bhai kithon aa rehayan hai?"
BAAH-MAN: "Shehron"

Thguy: "Kee karan gaya si"
BAAH-MAN: "Manji leen gaya si"

JATT: "Kinne di liti"
BAAH-MAN: "500 rupees di"

JATT: "BAAH-MANA...Bund mara aaya hai na, mere naal jand tenu 250 di le

ke denda"

BAAH-MAN feels sad and feels the mistake he has made so he just keep on

walking towards his home and as he enters the second village he meets

this another friend of his so this guy asks him the same question as

the other guy and BAAH-MAN tells him where he was coming from but this

time he tells him he bought the manji for 250 rupees so that guy said,

"Bund mara aaya hai na, mere naal jand tenu 100 di le ke denda" and

this time BAAH-MAN is really mad so keeps on walking.

As he reaches his village he meets another guy from his village and so

he started to talk to him and they both have the same converstion but

this time BAAH-MAN tells him that he had bought the manji for 100 and

just what he didn't expect, that punjabi guy said, "Bund mara aaya hai

na, mere naal janda tenu 50 di le ke denda!" Now BAAH-MAN really gets

feurious and started to walk home.

As he turns into his street he meets yet another JATT from the village

and he both started the converstion;

JATT: "Haan bhai kithon aa rehayan hai?"
BAAH-MAN: "Shehron"

JATT: "Kee karan gaya si"

"Bund maraan gaya si, says mad BAAH-MAN

So JATT replied, "Manji naal leke gaya si !!!!!! BAAH-MANAAH"