For example it is a well-established fact that women’s sexuality is more likely to be affected by cultural, religious and moral codes of conduct. Men may also surrender to these codes but these restrictions are much more superficial in their minds than in the ways women consider and adhere to them. For example women are less likely to indulge in a social taboo such as pre-marital sex than men living in the same social tradition. Morality hence sinks its roots deeper into women than it does into men. Perhaps because women connect much more deeply to a sense of social and moral responsibility and always tend to consider the larger picture.

We also know that female sexuality is more complex than male sexuality. Starting at the level of the physical and hence the most obvious, women’s erogenous zones are spread quite widely over the body as opposed to men’s genital localization. Women’s sexual satisfaction/arousal also depends on numerous psychological factors; emotions such as love, contentment, feeling safe and adored are important factors in arousal. Sensual adornment is an important part of the love making process and therefore the need for romance, foreplay, displays of affection etc.

Sexual arousal for men as researched, is quite a simple affair. Show men pornography for example and arousal happens within seconds. Not so for women. In clinical trials it has been observed that women are not likely to respond to sexual imagery as frequently or as promptly as men do. For women arousal is a much more complex affair because it involves a wide range of emotions. Men tend to seek sexual stimuli and respond to it almost always with the desire to translate it into a sexual encounter (whether in fantasy or reality). Which is why they are much more likely to buy sex and to watch pornography. Women on the other hand, need much more than a display of muscles to respond sexually. For them sexual attraction pegs itself not only on physical attributes but also on personality, intellect, the possibility of a future together, the possibility of the fulfillment of desires such as child bearing, even the ability to be humorous.

Recent research also claims that women tend to be more flexible in their patterns of sexual arousal. Whereas men tend to be sexually aroused only by their preferred gender (heterosexual men by women and homosexual men by men), sticking firm to their sexual orientation. Female sexual arousal manages to transcend boundaries of gender regardless of personal sexual orientation and so has a bisexual response pattern. The study found that both lesbian and heterosexual women were aroused by pictures of both gender. What this basically implies is that women are capable of experiencing sexuality as a genderless state because they attach an emotional world to it that is expansive and has the ability to penetrate social and moral boundaries without feeling threatened at the level of identity. Men apparently hang on to sexual orientation as a sacred order because having limited sexuality to the act of sex, the nature of sexual desire continues to be a primary factor in determining their sexual identity.

If women’s sexuality is truly encompassing of her emotional and personal world and viewpoints then it must also reflect in the orgasm. Sexologists now believe that most women are not likely to have an orgasm the first couple of times they have sex not because they are ‘cold and frigid’ as they once claimed, but because they have a need to accumulate certain sexual experiences, they need to learn more about their own body and its responses and free themselves from notions of morality, diffidence and any other emotional struggles they may have. In other words the female sexual response unfolds and develops with time precisely because it is deeply rooted in their entire personality and so biology i.e. menstruation is not the trigger, but age and maturation are. Men on the other hand on achieving puberty get thrown directly into the full sexual experience i.e. erection and ejaculation, and personal/emotional development seems to have no link to their ability to "perform" sexually.

In other words, much as men may like to think that the sexual is primarily their domain it is in fact women who have the innate ability to experience it in deep and wide ways and manage to create a much more vibrant and wholesome experience of what they know, experience and express as the sexual. And precisely because they do not limit their sexuality to the act of sex but attach the rich world of emotions to it (thereby allowing themselves diverse ways of expressing their sexuality), they are also able to transcend it with greater ease and comfort. Which is why we have the concept of ‘dirty old men’ but that crisis never really strikes a woman.

Perhaps for men the sexual becomes the final frontier because sex remains to be the only way to connect to another (no matter how temporarily), because the sexual never moves into the larger world of emotions and therefore the lasting sense of fulfillment, security and connectedness that the emotional world reaps is not experienced? Perhaps women are making a huge mistake by redefining concepts of sexual freedom via parameters laid down by men because it will take them away from a holistic experience of their own sexuality? For example thinking that sexual freedom implies one night stands it seems could be detrimental to the very nature of being feminine. I really don’t have the answers, but I think as long as we continue to evolve with a genuine desire to live a more wholesome and meaningful life we should be A-okay.