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Of Memory & Desire (Part I )
By Jasjit Purewal - 10:55 AM Sunday 09 July 2006
The Ancients clearly state that the entire play is between memory and desire. For them karma is simply the centrifugal force whose periphery is defined by your particular combination of memory and desire. The unerring pattern set up in your past lives then creates the ground work on which we lay the foundations of this very life. But memory and desire is all it is. Sages such as Buddha and Nisargadatta Maharaj clearly state, that to spot the road to your essential mind look for the gap in your thoughts, the gap between memory and desire. Expand this gap, enter it, walk deeper, lose yourself to it and you will finally arrive at the spot where your indivisible mind resides.
However that’s at the level of philosophy. Far easier to understand and pontificate on, then to actually decipher the currents as they flow within us. Tantra is the unique wisdom school which starts from the source. Shiva as the original patriarch of Tantra, symbolizes its essence in the Ardhnareeswaran form, half Shakti/half Shiva a balanced masculine/feminine as the only and highest form of aspiration of man/woman. Tantra unerringly points to absolute resolution of both to achieve the alchemy of oneness/non-duality and hence step into the play as one is meant to. Free and beyond scared/profane.
Many of the posts and comments here often pivot around the basic woman/man, feminine/masculine/Yin/Yang discussions in one way or another. Gender becomes an oft repeated and debated subject largely because all pivots on it; intimacy, love, sexuality and all of it because the two forces basically trigger the entire cosmic mechanism. In the macrocosm and within our bodies, as the microcosm, Yin/Yang are the two opposite poles which generate and manage the entire gravitational/electromagnetic experience called life. The one which in everyday experience we know as love/hate/attraction/ repulsion/like/dislike.
Yet the matter continues to evoke confusion, rejection, aggression and denial. The threads are complex. Unable to see them clearly at our source, it is hardly surprising that we cannot follow them through our life experiences. For most, even understanding how our masculine/feminine was sculpted and by whom becomes an impossible task. Many of us attempt spiritual journeys following one philosophy or the other and yet fail to do the cleansing at the source, stuck therefore in some basic patterns which mock our otherwise cosmic view of life.
Healing techniques at IFSHA draw heavily on the Tantra principle of sourcing the root at the Yin/Yang first. Understanding how childhood experienced and sculpted these patterns and how memory and desire are being played out therefore in the matrix of our life.
I am sharing the stories of some men and women I have worked with in the last few years in the hope that it will help many of us identify our inherent divide.
G is the eldest daughter, born late to parents who were married late and quite wrapped up in an intellectual bond of their own. G’s mom was a great achiever in her times and mileu and looked upon all as a daunting intellect and the matriarchal head. As marriage continued to rate high in her times, she finally agreed to a husband who was mild and equally in awe and therefore succumbed to her undaunted supremacy. The children were also born more out of roles to fulfil as a woman, than a genuine desire to mother. G then took the brunt of an emotionally frigid mother who lacked the art of nurturing the child. The father became the natural ally, but mild mannered as he was, the will of the disciplinarian mom, set up harsh standards for the daughter (much like what the mother had set for herself to achieve her impossible goals). G’s feminine was now damaged, wanting validation from the elusive mother, never getting it unless an achievement was involved, the rage of the child was dealt with severely and her foundational feminine went into serious low-self-esteem and guilt. Lying and manipulating situations to get affection and validation became G’s dominant nature. At thirteen, left largely alone in a huge house, she was sexually abused by an employee. When she told her father he ran to his wife who immediately called the girl a ‘liar, constantly telling tales.’ The shock and anger morphed into a stubbornness which left her open to further abuse by the same man who now turned into a secret space of affection, intimacy, validation for one used to plainly being rejected by adults. This ‘unholy’ alliance continued for a while filling her with guilt, shame and a deeper sense of being a ‘bad’ girl and yet finding herself unable to end the abuse. Finally the employee left and G was now into her late teens and clearly ‘sexualized’, full of loathing for her ‘immoral/evil’ self and torn between hating her mother and bowing to her orders (as chastisement for being such a vile child.) By now she viewed her father with enough resentment for not valuing/loving/protecting her against her mother and in some ways was also clearly jealous of the adoration he had for his ‘perfect’ wife.
At 16 G left home with a ‘wanton’ man, facing complete rejection from her parents. The next ten years were a nightmare of physical and emotional abuse as he turned out to be an addict, was violent and fairly messed up emotionally. The desire to ‘win’ at least the love of one ‘person’ (especially a husband since it was subconsciously a way to compete with mom and let her know that G could find someone to adore her and thus establish herself as an equal to mom) trapped her in that space for years where she made Herculean efforts to stabilize and rehabilitate the husband. In the end he left her for another woman and devastated she ended up in a relationship with his friend. The second man was far more destructive than the first for under the guise of ‘sensitive talk and support’ he manipulated her sexually and emotionally for as long as he could and then upped and left and married another woman.
G is a wreck. There is an urbane, intellectual, competent being who makes a living and tries to function normally. But underneath that mask she pines for the lover she clearly now sees as a rogue, is constantly drawn to unhealthy sexual liaisons where she can often see that the man concerned is using her. Lies and manipulations are a way of being for her in every space where she will go to any lengths to curry favour, acceptance and love. But her crisis is she cannot stop. And above all her dominant feeling is that she is a victim, abandoned by all.
The tragedy in G’s case is that she sees her manipulating/lying self and largely feels she is sexually immoral and ‘licentious’. Therefore she tells herself she deserves all the abuse, rejection and ‘bad’ karma that come her way. And yet there is the split self which just feels lonely, sad, angry and despondent because it feels the unbroken trajectory of a ‘victim’ since childhood. As an astute woman G can see both and yet at the emotional level of everyday living she just functions like a pendulum between the two, unable to stem the swing.
G is not uncommon at all. In small and big ways she lives in most women. Mirroring relentlessly the cauldron of memory and desire seeded into her being in childhood. Her masculine, broadly speaking is full of rage, jealousy, manipulation and a thirst for power. Her sexual attractions therefore draw towards her men who carry the exact same traits. Her feminine is emotionally damaged, confused from rejection, angry and pining for validation. But her notions of a ‘good feminine’ come directly from what her mother symbolizes. She therefore continues to aspire to intellectual success, good ‘home making’, wifehood/motherhood. An equally intense inferno raging within her against her mother, causes her to reject all these.
A split schizophrenic at all levels is how she sees herself. Precisely, because she experiences the two selves forever pulling at different levels, desiring contradictory things.
Understanding the root of the desire is the only walkway to liberation. Seeded as it is in some memory, resolving that self is the only way to untie the knot which holds the self to ransom.
Posted By Jasjit Purewal - 10:55 AM Sunday 09 July 2006
Comments
Interesting analysis of G's mind. So, have you helped her in being free from this web of memory & desire?
Cheers, Rohit
Posted by on July 9, 2006 06:33 PM
Dear Jasjit,
I do not know whether my comment is in any way useful or appropriate.
My experience is that you have to go deep deep inside yourself to finally accept the way you are. Acceptance and a certain resignation are necessary for this.
And it is as Harb says, for this you will have to be completely cut off of any help in first instance but when the need is the highest the help is there, is always there cause it is you yourself that finally gives it to yourself.
There are different ways to achieve this but the journey is long and may take a large part of your life. The struggle is often that deeply inside you do not want to accept it, the ego has so many ways in finding excuses.
That is why i think the symbol of the labyrinth is so beautiful, cause symbolizing the paths you walk in your life, sometimes far away from the center, sometimes more close, and finally always in the center, you will eventually become aware and accept the simple fact of who you are and that you cannot do anything wrong. That is when you start to surround yourself with love and things start to go better.
Posted by
Dear Rohit
Its an important question you ask. But do you think that anyone can change anything about any other being? Not really! Our job is to let's say turn on the light in the room that lies at the centre of an individual's life. Its clutter, garbage, festering baggage is what people knock about and trip over again and again and know as their suffering. Once you turn on the light it helps the other see whatever they need to, understand what lies in their particular 'room' and then the decision to cleanse/clear the clutter must be theirs as must be the effort.
Yes G has made some enormous leaps forward especially in also being able to cure phsyical manifestations/ailments as a direct result of her emotional baggage. How deep and far she will go is a journey every individual has to make and is therefore often a very difficult one. :)
Thanks Sachin :)
Posted by
Hi Mieke
Indeed the journey is a long and painful one. But it need not be, if one is fortunate enough to find an adept guide and also has the resolute will to complete the journey.
On one's own it is indeed a labyrinthe which often drowns one in confusion and despair and few then have the courage to wait for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Especially as you say the ego complicates and blocks us in a million ways. I think the concept in India of a sat sangh (group of seekers of truth) and even Buddha's three central triggers as the Buddha (cosmic consciousness) Dharma ( the Path) and the Sangha (body of seekers) in effect underlined the importance of supporters who can effectively assist in tempering the resistance namely of the ego. :)
Posted by
Very true!
Nobody can change others. I keep realizing it again & again in life.... ; - )
But it will be sad if we don't take advantage of the given opportunity. So, i am also trying my best not to take things for granted.
Cheers, Rohit
Posted by on July 10, 2006 07:25 PM
Thank you Jasjit and i admit i have read many books of Deepak in the late eighties and through the nineties up till now. I do follow Yoga for more than 30 years now (Hatha Yoga which i believe is a Western mix of all four described in Vivekenanda´s book). So in a way i am a member of a group of seekers ever since my beginning thirties.
Yet i learnt also from that computer club and making mazes. They were seekers too you know :)
And of course from the labyrinth.
Perhaps this is the difference between the West and the East.
I consider myself very fortunate to really have been able to mix the two together and come up with my own truth in the middle lol.
Perhaps i can thank my resolute will for this. Yet i believe there is a stronger force that gently pushes me forward in the direction needed.
Love,
Posted by
What an interesting connection you have made here Jasjit. I was quite lost in G's story and fascinated by how u just strung it all together. Really its amazing if one looks at it through your eyes then these patterns make so much sense. Am still trying to digest it all.
Instinctively I agree with what u say about memory and desire. But is that really all we are? Is that why some children and even adults remember their past lives but then why not all? I would love to know who i have been.
But my question is also somewhat like Rohit's? Can u really heal all the memories and the desires?
Posted by
memory at the end of the day is the memory of the energy-soul of its entanglement into matter-body which, when soul tries to get disentagled, breaks and takes the form of four basic forces of gravity, electromagnetism, strong forces and weak forces. and the desire of the energy-soul is to break free or get disentalged from these four forces. whih happens in many cycles-within-cycles and in the process gives us the whole universal story of evolution. during the homo sapein's phase the forces take the form of our/energy-soul's entanlgment into senses(physicality of things), emotions (feelings, love/hate), intellect(concepts/mind, epitomised in ego)and finally intelligence (intuition, spirituality)at various small and big cycle levels in our lives.
when we are at the juncture of going beyond the second stage of entanglement (i.e., into emotional entanglements)and entering into - at least in seed form - the third phase of entanglement (.i.e., into intellect, mind/ego)AS G IS, we fce the problems G faces, mainly because now we are neither in the emotional phase nor in the intellectual/ego phase and in a way suffer both.
some thoughts....
Posted by on July 11, 2006 08:00 PM
Hi Shagufta,
My question was about G's understanding & solving her problem. I will be glad if she also understood what jasjit said so that she can be free from this self created problems.
Otherwise i will say that one has to go beyond mind which gives birth to memories & desires. The state of no mind is the state of health, peace & blissfulness. The path towards that is meditation.
You can check : www.activemeditation.com
Cheers, Rohit
Posted by on July 11, 2006 09:12 PM
Dear Shagufta
To really understand the Self one must observe the Self. So I guess you will have to look within your own mind to see if the memory desire duo are indeed the only two actors staging the whole show of our life. I feel in this age of incessant articulation, many people say many things but what will be Truth for us is if we observe/can relate to it individually, otherwise it is just mere theory.
Then once seen and understood it lends instant tranformation to your being for you have accessed a 'witness' within and that is the self which will act as a driver to your essential Self. If one has the clarity, courage and the tools then to work relentelessly and seeding out memories then understanding their impact (particularly on our subtle illusory selves) and 'healing' their impact indeed desire gets transformed.
As for why some remember past lives and others don't. Well past lives are recorded in everyone's memory bank. Certain conditions push them up spontaneously (as in children who remember)but that is more because of an 'incomplete' deprogramming system when they are reborn. Therefore a majority will soon forget and as they grow up they cannot even trace the incident anymore. Others can follow certain techniques (like the one's past life therapists employ) to access certain memories. This however IMO also only allows access to certain past lives or events and ther is really no way to go through the entire gamut at will.
The point is that your consciousness is programmed to offer the info you need. Personally I have had the peculiar experience that intense meditative practices with clients often set of past life flashes (in some like an unending reel) while in others the same meditations triggered no past life images. Initially a little mystified I soon realized that only clients who were unwilling/unable to make connections of repetitive patterns of their life/mind would be shown images which in fact were directly pointing to that pattern. Those who were mindful/alert in their practice and willingly spotted and hacked at their blocks, did not need them hence did not see them.
This is just one more example to understand that Grace is in fact the entirety of the mechanism we know as life, being, Universe, existence and the entire matrix of its principles. All is geared towards perfection- it is only our perception which rules things otherwise.
BTW a great book to read on the subject is 'Many Lives Many masters' by Brain Weiss.
love
Posted by
Good Morning Harb
True! Suffering 'both' stages as you say is where the majority is stuck and the swing between the two is the essential root of the suffering/neurosis for most.
Posted by
Rohit
I agree that meditation is the ky. But I would like to add that the no-mind you refer to is an idea more than a reality for the longest time. In my experience (with all my clientele now) unless the cleansing of events/emotions is complete in life all efforts at Vipassna/no-mind practices yield partial results. If you have a read Osho's explanations on Dynamic & Gibbersih meditations etc he says the same thing. Apparently his first camps were aimed at silent/Aum/no-mind meditations and he said that he found the 'restlessness' within never let anyone access their silence. He then designed a whole host of cathartic meditations like Kundalini, Mystic Rose, Gibbersih etc. And then in his typical way of saying things he said "You are mad because when you do Dynamic etc you think you are doing some 'spiritual' meditations. They are actually madness meditations because you are so full of madness that if I don't give you space to first throw out that madness how can I even begin to make you understand silence".
Even today all his communes and centres rely heavily on these meditations. For obvious reasons. :)
Posted by
And Rohit
Sorry but forgot to add that the site you refer to does precisely that. rely on 'active' meditations such as Dynamic to help throw out the chaos so that the sediments of the self can rise clearly. :)
Thanks
Posted by
good morning jasjit.
in terms of the chakras they are stuck between the (physical)heart chakra and head chakra, the chakra of emotions and the chakra of intellect, the chakra of electromagnetic forces and the chakra of strong forces. and so depending upon on what big or small cycle of this development they are they develop big or small hysterias.
similarly, moving forwards, some people get stuck in the chakra of head and the chakra of spiritual heart, the chakra of intellect/ego and the chakra of intelligence/intuition/spirituality, the chakra of strong forces and the chakra of weak forces, and end up being more or less schizophrenic. (in acute cases, they are so deep in the ego/intellect that nobody can argue with them in terms of intellect yet because they are so cut off from the everyday/physical/observable world they can't see which everybody else can see, that they are not interacting with the world the way they should. many such people even leave their jobs, pull off from their interaction with the physical world altogether and get lost in their thought/mental world. if they have it in them to yet move forwards they will with some passage of time end up coming fully into the next phase of intelligence and begin behaving normally and even taking up their jobs/other works. they will end up evne wise men.
and then there is even the last stage of people who get stuck between their intlligence/spirituality phase and what i may call total-freedom phase. the first part shows them the world as one in the usual way and they try to imagine thmeselves to be one with it in terms of forms and space and time and many other things. then they try to save the world in various ways and in the process suffer much so that they will be finally forced to outgrow even this phase. at the end they will find that the real spiritul phase has nothing to do with space/time, with the world as it is but with they themselves, their BEING which really there is. all else is only its own expansion if i may say so yet in terms of space/time. they are at its center, saving themselves if at all is the end project and even this is not the case because reaching at the source of total freedom they will simultaneously find that they are ever saved. they are for ever beyond all words/descriptions....beyond ever losing...
such people cannot be known/pinpointed/described/qualified. braham giani ki gat braham giani jane wang uh apne aap nu sirf aap hi jaande han.
Posted by on July 12, 2006 11:45 AM
Harb Ji
Potato head di mang pehle mein puri kar lavan. Pher ey unending galan batan karan gey jina vich hun kuch zyada interest tey hain nahi. Ainveen roz uth key mun hila dindey haan.
So aaj badi hi tez barrish ho rahi hai, sab kuch gili mitee di khusboo naal jhum reha hai, dhuleya hoya sansaar, giley panchi tey dhundala asmaan. Changa tey hunda jey garam pakodey, keehr tey maal pudey asi saarey mil key khandey tey moment di Grace vich khamosh deedar usdi sundar kayanaat da kardey. Potato head bahut hi chardi kala sarbat da bhala valey state vich hunda. Ki Khayal hai?
love
Posted by
khyal tan koi nahin aya par muhn wich pani jaroor aa gaya hai lol...
jasjit, jekar mein kiha ki jo mein kehna chahunda han that is best expressed in silence tan tad vi tusi guse hoe te jekar mein kujh likh dinda han ki chalo blog uppar kise nun kujh navan paran nun milega tan tusi silence wal ho jande ho...eh tan uho gal hoi...je bolan tan akhie bur bur kare bahut, chup rahan tan akhie betha sathar ghat lol
wese eh vi muhn hilaan hi hai tusi maal purian di gal jaari rakho...kise na kise din tan moka milega hi mil beth ke khaan da...us din hi baarish pua lavange...
Posted by on July 12, 2006 12:31 PM
jasjit ji, lagda hai ikalle hi maal purian khan wich rujh gae ho...
Posted by on July 12, 2006 01:04 PM
Sorry Harb
Maal puye teu kheer khayali pulao dey naal hi hazam ho gaye. Naaley tusi tey kuj hurt feelings vich moment di emotions da nazuk jaya tar hi tod dita lol. Mein tey pehle vi keha si, tusi jaldi hi hurt ho jaandey ho, khas karkey mere shabdan dey naal. Koi gal nahi ainj hi sahi, important gal hai ki hun tuse zyada der rusdey nahi ho, tey saadi dosti kayam hai.
Actually sadey office dey naal hi vadda jaya bazaar hai tey usi chaat khan gaye si, since pakodeyan da plan fail ho gaya. Vaise tuhadi "us din hi baarish pua lavange..." badi changi lagi.
Posted by
so mein pakar hi lia lol, purian na sahi chaat hi sahi par kujh khan wich tan rujh hi gae si na...maje karde ho...asin chotte jihe shehar wich te phir kabildaari wich phase bethe han...
guse sambandhi, lagda hai apne wich thori jihi electromagnetic war gai hai kite lol...koi gal nahin kujh chir baad apne aap hi theek ho javegi...
Posted by on July 12, 2006 01:54 PM
Haanji bilkul pakar liya. And true aasi vadey shaher vich maujan kar vi rahen han tey 2hours diyan power cuts tey server breakdown vi sehndey haan. Sab in SOT.
Now this electromagnetic war is very mystifying. Chalo aj tussi man te leya ki kuj tension chaldi hai. Though have to say ki mainu apni taraf to kadi nahi lagda ki sadey vich kisi tara di vi war hai. Haan kuj vichar sadey mildey nain tey kuj nahin vi, lekin usday naal mainu koi war da ehsaas kadey nahi hoya. Haan ey zaroor hai ki tusi mainu leyke kaafi sensitive ho tey cheti bura mana leindey ho. Par ey tey tuhanu hi behtar pata hai ki kyon. Mainu tey is blog di niralee khed vich har din naya tey har awaz is mauj meley da hissa lagdi hai. :)
Posted by
lol jasjit ji tusin phir pakre gae ho. mein tan apne wich electromagnetic war jaan(jaani enter kar jaan) di gal kiti si, jisda matalb si saade wich kujh piar ho gaya hai (electromagnetic entanglement ho gai hai)ate shaid ise kar ke kujh gusa vi aunda hovega, kionke siane kehnde ne jithe piar uthe gusa, par tusin isnu war (larai) wal lae gae lol. to clarify again, nahin mein nahin samjhada ke apne wich koi larai hai..sagon kujh piar hai....
Posted by on July 12, 2006 06:35 PM
Harb Ji
Apney to siana kaun? Tusi pher meri gal nahi smajhe. Menu hun kuj vi entanglement nahi japda tey nahi koi aisa pyar mehsoos kardi han jeydey vich gussey di gunjaish hove. Beyond agendas and beyond individual personas. Han it is all a mirror indeed, jey tusi entanglement mehsoos kardey ho tey shayad usdey naal judiyan emotions gussey nun vi include kardiyan han. Chalo tusi finally admit tey kita ki gussey ho jaandey ho lol.
Saadi pehli mulakat(IB) tey vi kuj is kism di si jithey tusi kafi uncalled for words merey liey istemaal kitey san. Gussey tan mein tad vi nahi hoi tey hun jadon tuhadey man, vichar, sandharb nun samjhan da mauka milya hai tey ik sundar dostana cyber space rahin ban gaya hai. Hun gussa, entanglement etc varge shabad kyon uthdey ney ey tussi hi behtar janno. Mein esey kisi vi khayal to mukt haan, tey potato head nu bematlaab diyan gunjlan vich paundi nahin. lol
Posted by
chalo jasjit ji aapan sitta kadh ke ki lena ki kaun guse hunda hai ate kaun nahin, kionki koi vi guse hunda hove jhakna tan aapan nun apne andar hi paina...kaaran labhan lai...agar mein tuhanu guse hunda lagda han tan tuhanu apne andar jhakana pavega ate agar tusin menu guse hunde lagde ho tan menu apne andar jhakana pavga jo mein kar riha han..
back to maal puras...
Posted by on July 13, 2006 10:01 AM
Sorry Harb Ji
Etehy pher kuj disagreement di gunjaish hai. Kissey hor dey gussey liye mainu apney undar jhankan di koi zaroorat mehsoos nahi hundi. Haan us gussey nu leykey jey mein aukhi hovan tan zaroor mainu apney undar jhankan di lod hai. I think mirroring is a fairly clear concept with no room for distortion.
Posted by
sorry jasjit ji, tuhadi dunya wich jo vi hai koi hor (dusra) nahin hai, tuhada hi vishtar hai, tuhadi hi holomoment da hissa hai, so tusi kise hor da gusa nahin vekh rahe apna hi vekh rahe ho. jis din eh gusa sachin mucheen kise HOR da disya eh tuhadi dunya ton bahar ho javega and you will not react...
asal vich eh gusa tuhade us than hai jithe meri gal jaa ke lagdi hai ate tuhanu dasdi hai ke ithon aje tussin sute pae ho...jaani gravitational and electromagnetic forces ton pareh strong and weak forces de jithe phase han...to go to them, to explore them and then to outgrow them will take a lot of time...
eh istra hai jiven sute matter nun jagaya ja riha hove ate uh jagna nan chahunda hove...te usnu gusa aave...
mera gusa istra hai jiven energy nun matter nun na jaga sakan te gusa aave par nan hi uh matter ton bager rahe sake...
mein kehnda han aje vi aapan maal purian te hi aa jaie lol.
Posted by on July 13, 2006 12:08 PM
Shukar hai Harb Ji sanoo suteyan nu jagan vaaley tusi aini takleef chukan nu tayar, vi sadi holomovement da hissa ho.
Is guftagu da last comment meri valon.. mainu ik Zen monk di gal yaad aagayee..
'The foolish reject what they see,
Not what they think;
The wise reject what they think,
Not what they see.
Observe things as they are
And don’t pay attention to other people.'
- Huang-po (9th cent)
Ananda Anandam
Posted by
don’t pay attention to other people...people's gusa...
and if you pay you are yet to explore a part of yourself to know why...
agar eh aakhri comment hai tan phir mein purian chholian di gal yaad karavan lol? shaid tuhada ananda anandam to vi ehi matlab hai...
Posted by on July 13, 2006 01:30 PM
Then i guess i will still have a lot to learn Harb lol.
But i love to learn, never too old to learn. Something inside me tells me that :)
In my view interacting with people is always in a way learning something. We are with too many people in the world nowadays to set yourself totally aside in my opinion.
I have seen so many personal blogs on the internet with almost no comments. Is this then the way to go forward?
Posted by
haha!
Dear Jasjit,
Thanks for pointing that out. ; - )
Cheers, Rohit
Posted by on July 14, 2006 01:46 AM
Dear Jasjit
"Understanding the root of the desire is the only walkway to liberation. Seeded as it is in some memory, resolving that self is the only way to untie the knot which holds the self to ransom."
I start with this quote, not because it is profound, but because whist I try and understand this piece, I think something that you seem to have forgotten is the element of responsibility.
Before I explain what I mean, allow me to introduce myself. I live in Mumbai, am 42, Male, belongs to the upwardly mobile etc. etc.. you know the type -- 2 cellphones, 2 kids, 1 wife, etc.
I have been visiting this blog and the site for some time and have been reading the postings. However, one thing that has constantly struck me is that in all our discussion somehow we are talking about freedom, desire, love, hate but do not talk about responsibility and the realities of responsibility.
Consider this. You have been married for 15 years and one fine morning you wake up, and hear the birds chirp. You see the woman who is sharing the bed with you and see a stranger. You see the children who are getting ready to go to school and feel 'responsible' -- not love, not affection, not even as a provider -- you just feel responsible.
You know, in your heart of hearts, that this will also pass, that these children will grow up and lead their own lives. You also know that the woman who is your wife and you can barely stand each other.
Jasjit, how do you untie the knot? There is no desire here, only a deep sense of responsibility for the children first and then for the woman, who has trusted you and married you.
Sure, you are being held to ransom (I am deliberately using the passive voice), but by who - surely not the wife, and certainly not the children.
How do you seek and attain liberation in this context?
I assure you that I am not giving you a hypothetical situation, but a real one which most, if not all urban males, go through. How do you rise above the sense of responsibility to yourself and free yourself of the ransom.
The reason why I am raising this issue is that if we dont resolve this seemingly apparent conflict, the result is quite expectant -- deep sense of despair, frustration, one that leads to a host of psycho-somatic issues.
I am sorry if I sound extremely negative, but some answers are surely needed.
Posted by
Hi Subu
Responsibility is an issue IMO which is very personal in the way we define it. Only because it reflects many, many specfic social/gender/mileu/upringing etc selves. Since they reflect us in our social persona to the hilt.
Many of the discussions here I think focus on largely the responsibility first to defining and discovering the essential Self. Within that Self there is nothing but absolute responsibility to everything within your own Universe.
However I think your question is more specific to a situation and namely how to untie the social knot of marriage where you feel tied to a situation where your heart no longer resides. Thre are many answers to this question but the eternal question will be which one is right for you? For truly Subu this is an individual journey and where one has to balance the elements within one's own personality and desires. I could say to you that if it is a common urban male problem then perhaps many solve it by having other women/affairs in their lives. Others move out and set up a different life and still provide for the family and yet others cut off totally. I could also say that I know of someone in a similar situation who took on so much pressure onto himself and finally had a severe heart attack, damaging himself irreversibly. What if he is not so lucky the next time? Will he be more responsible then to his children?
There are no easy answers for each of us have to know that these situations come as our specific karmic wheel. We have to know where and how to get off it and cut the pattern. The courage, clarity and desire to walk the larger picture of our Self is again a very personal choice. For in its absence lies what you rightly call -'deep sense of despair, frustration, one that leads to a host of psycho-somatic issues.' And if that be so I would ask you is that really an option?
Within us lies a whole universe of answers, road maps and adventures waiting to be discovered. The most stifling reality and the most unimaginable traps can and do dissolve if we move from the visible to the invisible Truth. I guess that step to trust and believe in your inner guide is the hardest first step. I can only hope that you will take it.
I just feel like adding Subu, Life is beautiful. Its wonders are myriad and quite awesome. And yet like children in a treasure hunt we all have to face different panic/stress routes on the way to the pot of gold. Rearranging our quest to recall that pot of gold awaiting us can often change evrything. As I hope it will for you.
Much Love
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Yes True! Not just beautiful but Life is Very Very BEAUTIFUL!!!!:)
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Dear Jasjit, what a beautiful way to explain the proverbial "pot of gold".
You know subu, some times what we see as a trap or a shackle is only one of our visions and mindsets...which keep telling us that the grass is greener on the other side. The fact is yes the grass is greener no doubt, but the grass you are standing on right now was green some time back. And the other side may turn dry after a few years.
The key here is try to first focus on what one wants, and what one percieves as a shackle which is holding one back from achieving that liberty. First one needs to define liberty.
You will find that in most cases, liberty is not outside but inside your mind. And the pot of gold is right inside your own head. There was once a song by Manna De -- tere naina talash kare jise woh hai tujhi me chhupa deewane....
One more thing -- This kind of feeling is not restricted to any gender or certain age. But then one needs to identify what is desire. Is there any end to desires?
Not only being responsible for others, a person is definitely responsible for himself. So the best chosen path should be one that he can take responsibility for. Because at the end of the day only he can face the mirror and love or hate himself or praise or dislike his own self. Others will go away and he will be alone in front of the mirror with full knowledge of his 'self'.
This reminds me of the story of Satyakam, son of Jabala. If possible read it.
Princess Baatcheat
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Dear jasjit
Thank You for a comprehensive answer. I guess somewhere its just fascination for this whole thing called past lives and somewhere maybe one just needs 'proof' that it really exists. Your connection between meditation, awareness and seeing past lives was fascinating. Though I'm sure I don't understand it all. But I will get that book for sure. Thanx
Dear harb
I find what you say very interesting and different. But All so new and complex for my understanding. I enjoy reading it, maybe one day I will finally understand it all too. :D
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mieke, whosoever is interacting with the world in any way has yet to learn some lessons. the learning could be unconscious, sub-conscious, conscious and what may be called superconscious or sort of direct or automatic. in which the learner may even feel standing aside from the process of learning. but yes it never ceases.
the mind (the learning media of the soul) and the world (about which it learns)are always in creative corresponding dialogue and the learning process will go on till complete corrspondence between them is achieved. after which there will be left neither the mind nor the world but only the soul, which then merges with the all soul, the socalled source.
even then, just as after having sex the yearning for the opposite sex goes for some time, similarly, after having experience of the oneness (source)the yearning for the learning goes for some time. but as the game of life moves in cycles at all levels the yearning returns and so does learning.
Posted by on July 15, 2006 11:16 AM
dear shagufta, you may not be very far from understanding it all. just as an early teen-ager begins to smell love in the air even though she has yet not reached her full youth, and which shows that her full youth is now not really far away, similarly, it is with you vis-a-vis understanding of what i write. you smell (find interesting/enjoy) the truth in it showing that your days may not be far off when you will begin understanding it in full, may be beginning with an extraordinary epiphanic experience like mieke's.
thank you and wishing you all the beautiful days ahead...
Posted by on July 15, 2006 11:31 AM
subu, it is really our evolutionary scheme of things which is holding us to ransom.
its one, deeper, conveyer belt so to say, pushes us into newer and newer phases at all levels DESPITE US - into childhood, youth, middle age, old age at our individual life levels - and its other, comparatively shallow conveyer belt then forces us to try to stabilize things there and then keep the status quo (here we seem to use our own free will/choices).
at a certain stage in human history the first pushed us into marriages. and the second then fooled us into woving a whole lot of goody goody concepts like responsibility and all that to keep us into it, bound to it. it went on smoothly till now, but now the time of the first has again come to push us to our next stage of going beyond marriages/breaking free from marriages. obviously now there will be a tension in the push of the first being felt by us inwardly and the concepts we made to keep the status quo in the previous stage so apparent outside. for it is only this tension which will finally force us to break free leaving us to jump over to our next stage.
in the recent great controversy going on between design and evolution in USA, the first conveyer belt in fact represents design part in the scheme of things, in which we humans have no say, and the second represents evolution (darwinian theories)in which we act according to darwin and new darwinian theories).
anyway, so in the given circumstances, just relax understanding the above, not letting yourslf greatly bound either way to the extent you can and let the things take their destined course. eventually that will be right or all.
Posted by on July 15, 2006 12:35 PM
Wow Harb, thanks for all three insightful messages here above :)
All good things again come in three!
Much love
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criscommented ( 2:10 PM Monday 28 April 2008) on
HOW TRUE IS IT? -
vijaya rajagopalcommented ( 2:20 PM Sunday 16 March 2008) on
how you see the it depends on that the spirituality would like to know more about this subject -
Miekecommented ( 4:57 PM Monday 10 March 2008) on
Dear Aachi, Thanks, found the book but haven't any idea how to order it from them, because it is only ... -
Harbcommented ( 4:00 PM Monday 10 March 2008) on
Aachi, please write at the following email address: harb_singh@yahoo.com -
Aachicommented (12:18 PM Monday 10 March 2008) on
Dear Mieke, Harb, Lots of love to you.:) The book is in the Young Adult Fiction category of wisdomtree. Harb, ... -
Miekecommented ( 5:17 PM Saturday 08 March 2008) on
Hi Harb, I have been reading the blog just now. This one on one conversation is very straightforward and I ... -
Miekecommented ( 5:15 PM Saturday 08 March 2008) on
Dear Aachi, This is certainly a wonderful verse, straight from the heartphone :) Life, in all it's simplicity mostly offers ...
Likhthi tho Bahut Acha vho tum Jasjit!! Deep and knowledgeable.