Much is trying in what we call our ‘personal’ lives today. Choice and individuation is being eyed as the saw-toothed edge, mercilessly slicing into marriages, coupledom and fidelity. No one seems to understand the ‘significant other’ any longer and somehow the battle lines get drawn down the middle of gender. As weddings turn more opulent, and loud they seem to be making up for an in-built shadow of break-ups and doom. And yet there is a silver lining.

Shifting the perspective is what it’s all about. The old way is nearly gone and the new is far from gloomy. That is, if we are able to embrace the challenge of love, which is more expansive than ever before. Relating which offers understanding and love that exacts us to grow in wisdom and dignity rather than shrink into jealousy and fear.

Celebrating the new is what its all about and dancing in the gap is the real challenge. The new which allows us to dust off our notions of men and women, of the roles they are forced to play and for allowing the innate gifts of each to flower and craft the terrain of a relationship. But how to tackle the gap? Men and woman are also distinctly different beings. Their minds are not the same and they speak different languages. One leans on logic and the other on intuition.

Osho has some timeless tips, characteristically tongue-in-cheek. The following excerpt unveils the mystery of not only why the world started with Adam and Eve but also why they alone come together to strum the rarest cosmic music and create the most haunting song.

“With a man and woman there are problems of misunderstanding. They live in totally different worlds; they are two different poles of consciousness. The woman thinks intuitively, the man intellectually, hence there is no meeting.

The woman simply jumps to conclusions without going into any process of thought. And the man goes step by step. She has an intuitive feeling. Hence you cannot deceive a woman, particularly not your wife. Nobody has ever been able to do it. She will immediately see through you because her way of seeing is not your way of seeing. You arrange everything at the front door and she comes through the back door.

The husband comes home prepared –he rehearses everything. And the moment he looks at the woman all rehearsing goes to the winds and he is left stuttering like a child. Even a great person like Napoleon was afraid of his own wife because she could see through him.

Man’s mind goes zigzag and a woman’s goes direct like an arrow. She does not listen to what you say but looks straight into your eyes. She listens to how you say it. She sees your trembling hand, how your eyes are trying to avoid her. She does not really listen to what you re saying because she knows it is irrelevant. A story she knows you have put together on your way home from the pub. But she has a greater attunement to your body language. And your body language is more authentic because you cannot yet manage to control it, to deceive with it. Even great actors are not able to manage body language.

The body has its own language just as the mind has its own language. The spirit also has its own language. A man and woman are bound to be in conflict but that conflict again and again creates situations for mini honeymoons.

A man/woman relationship is always on the rocks. One cannot fall asleep the other will not allow it. They go on goading each other. And they are such different worlds; that is the attraction.

Why can’t I get along with women?

For the simple reason that man functions through the head and the woman intuitively. They can’t agree on anything; there is no possibility of agreement. The woman jumps to conclusions and the trouble is that she is almost always right! And the man goes through an arduous, long, logical process and is almost always wrong

So to fight with a woman means to love a woman-you are doomed, bound to fail. You cannot win a single argument because her ways of arguing is so puzzling. You want her to sit down calmly and discuss things and she begins to throw things and crying. Now you don’t know what to do! It is your money she is destroying so you cannot throw things because that would be foolish.

You come home tortured by the world you want some moments of peace and she has been getting ready all day exercising. You come home defeated and she is fresh and ready to fight. Now how can you win? And you don’t want to fight at all, you want to be left alone to read your newspaper and she throws the paper at you.

I invented Dynamic meditation for poor men-at least one defense! You can simply start hoo-hooing and that she will understand. She will calm down and start listening to you otherwise she is going to create trouble. That is one of the ancient feminine methods – of course she has never called it meditation. I call it meditation to give it a religious colour.

Can A woman really drive a man crazy?

It depends on the man. If he is wise he becomes a henpecked husband; if he is not so wise then there is no other way than to be crazy. That’s why ninety-nine point nine percent men decide to be henpecked husbands- just to survive.

Nothing is wrong with the woman; she is not deliberately trying to drive you crazy. It is just that their minds function in a totally different way. In fact that is their attraction; their polarities function like a magnetic field. The more different a woman is the more she will attract you. If she is like you, thinks like you then the attraction will be lost. There will be no tension so the relationship will collapse.

The relationship is like an arch. When you make an arch you put bricks against each other, their very opposition creates the strength and the arch can support the whole building. But the strength depends on the opposition.

A living relationship between a man and a woman is bound to be crazy. The man cannot drive the woman crazy because his way of thinking is logical. And a woman functions instinctively at the lowest and intuitively at the highest. Man functions intellectually at the lowest and intelligently at the highest. Logic cannot drive the illogical person crazy; if anything is go8ing to happen it is going to happen to the logical mind.

Craziness is part of the logical mind, it means simply that your logic no longer functions and you are at a loss what to do. You try every way to understand the woman but you are helpless because whatever you try to do you do so logically. And logically she is not comprehensible that way she is very mysterious. You can devote your whole life to trying to figure out a single woman and you will never be able to.

She never tries to understand you. The illogical functioning of the psyche is not interested in understanding; it simply reaches a conclusion without any procedures. And the miracle is that the woman is almost always right and you are almost always wrong. That drives you crazy.

A woman won the lottery and the surprised husband asked her how she had managed.
She said, “In a dream number seven appeared three times, so I figured that three times seven means twenty-eight.”

The husband was aghast. He said, “then what happened?” “ I bought a ticket with the number 28 and I won,” she said pleased with herself.

“But three times 7 is not 28 but 21,” said the exasperated husband.

‘Right then you be the mathematician but I won the lottery,” said the smug wife.

Rejoice in her! Rejoice in her differences, rejoice in her different approaches towards life. Rejoice that she is not a man but a woman. She does not think like you. Not only is her body different from your but so is her psyche.

When you are with your woman, put your mind aside. Become more existential and less intellectual. Love her, dance with her, sing with her but don’t try to argue. And anyways even if you argue finally you will have to agree with her.”

Excerpted from Zen: The Special Transmission.