"From believing that true love is to lose one’s self blindly to knowing that love actually means finding one’s self".

Shubhz that is really beautifully put. I think we've all been through the first bit...and perhaps many of us dont get to the latter stage. Today when I look back to what I used to think love meant I really shudder at the thought and thank God that phase passed and the definition and experience of love changed.

I think its very important to have someone explain to you what love should be like otherwise we just go into it with this 'mills and boon' notion. And then we're left wondering what the hell happened;) The first experience of love is especially important because it ends up laying the foundation of all love to follow. If I were a parent I would talk to my child about falling in love, about what it means, about its power and how its greatest potential lies in the ability to make you soar.

love
anusheh

Dear Shubhosree,

Interesting! "From believing that true love is to lose one’s self blindly to knowing that love actually means finding one’s self". That's a simple yet strong expression.

And yes Shubhosree & Anusheh, its not about 'falling' in love. Its more about simple realizations of the 'self' more than of the 'other'.
Also agree to: "One does not ‘decide’ to be in love. It just happens". I feel Love should/can not be 'pushed' in/out - just let it slip-in. And one must be able to identify it.
I think no one can be 'experienced' enough in love.

True that Love can not be defined. Its felt, expressed. What's important - whether the other one reciprocates similar feelings or not? If yes, you've found the 'one'. If not, then he/she is just not the 'one'. That's it.

About First Love: Its to be cherished, smiled back upon, learn & then grow from & move on (may not be as easy though).

About its use/misuse, I believe a lot depends on ones Childhood - Parents, Peers, Friends.

Eager to know more about it from others too.

hmm!

I have never really experienced romantic love. ;- )

I came to know osho at the age of 17 & after that, i learned that love, bliss, peace is inside us.

And worked on finding that inner source & succeeded to have many glimpses of that.

That's all i have to say...sob sob(...was it needed? ; - ).....)

What I find amazing about love IS: we give it, we share it, we accept it...all by our own self,,to another..

But, what amazes me, is that most people can love another unconditionally, but not themselves?

I have often wondered why; as I fall into this frailty trap from time to time..I have love/patience for another, but when it comes to giving myself the same unconditional love, I often find myself finding my own faults..I am hard on myself in many ways..always trying to self-improve, growth, mature, blend in...

Yet, time and again,,, a person is often not able to give themselves "self-love" per se.

Any thoughts on this? Is it a dilemma?

Is it early childhood markings of a person feeling unloved/unnurtured in early childhood?

Personally, I feel yes it is: that lack of love/affection/nurturing in early childhood; kind of builds a wall in front of our own Self; where we constantly find instead, our faults and failures; rather than embrace ourselves with the unconditional love we give others.

North

Good Morning All

Shubz

How well you have captured the flow of one of the most mesmerizing and yet tormenting emotion. The one and only emotion which has the power to take us to great heights and equally throw us in the deepest despairs. Perhaps the most ununderstood, misunderstood, confunding search of man. Great subject and eloquently put Shubhz.

Surya
So true about the love we search, find and experince being completely connected to the parenting and the childhood. For it is truly there, that we learn its great powers as well its perfidy.And then all of life becomes a mirror of that same self, seeking the same scenarios, addressing those same hurts/needs.

Rohit

What you say reminds me of this story OSho tells while speaking on love. He said a disciple came to him asking him if he was ready to become a seeker. The Master asked him if he had ever been in love. The disciple said no. Osho said then go first and fall in love, know its heights and depths over and over again until it breaks you enough to seek the meaning of love and in doing so you will know you are ready to seek Truth.

North
Here are some possible answers that may help. There is nothing called 'unconditional' love in what we know, give or recieve. Not even in how we eulogize mothers love-is it unconditional love. In the way our mind knows the world and functions within it, nothing is even close to 'unconditional'. It is only when the Self has returned to its core, understood all as its own extension, sees every speck of existence as part of its Self does love become unconditional. For then there is no personal 'need', no 'agenda' no desire to 'control' and no power games. In short there i no 'separation'. Love is then the 'binding light' of experincing the play.

Before that all that we offer is usually all that we want back. with every act, word, gesture we seem to be saying to the other 'look at me', 'love me, validate me,return my love so I can feel special, precious etc.' The mind is so caught in its games of 'needing/controlling/asserting' itself that we do not see through it. The more deprived we are, the greater our 'obsession' to give to all, to do great acts in the name of love and usually the proof of the obsession is in the fact that wherever we give ultimately we are rejected/hurt/unvalued and immediately an anger begins to rise. the mind(if you hear it carefully) starts calling that very same 'object of love' names, spewing all kinds of rage. The heart falls back into its despair and the drone in our head is' no one loves me/understands me/values me/why does this alway happen to me?'

Like Surya Prakash said bout childhood, why we never diconnect (until we successfully heal the heart of painful memeories) is because we are forever playing out mummy/daddy in how we are attracted to and who we choose to love.

Here's a simple test: when we are 'obsessed' with giving younger people space, understanding- its usually because our own child never got that and we are trying to compensate others in excatly what we needed.
When we are drawn to women if you check out the 'kind of woman' we are drawn to there will always be link to what mummy wasn't/was, did not give etc. In fact relationships/attractions to women alway underlie that same unresolved mummy love.
When drawn to men, Daddy is behind it.

All it takes is looking a little deeper and we can see some scary patterns, which in effect are merely the sad/hurt/ (often sulky and stubborn now)child wanting its share of what it was deprived of in childhood.

Hope this helps
love

Hi Jasjit,

yes, it has helped a great deal, and i can see that pattern within me a little..I don't like admitting to it; but, perhaps it's another step forward, in doing so?(gentle smiles)

In never knowing my Dad(met him at age:18 for a few hours)...I"m wondering now; if this is why/how; in part, my marriage fell apart after 15 yrs; when we were both faced with accidents, resulting in injury; which ultimately changed us both?

I truthfully, just don't understand men.. so maybe by not having enough male influences; well, an Uncle or male neighbour...which was more prominent, lead to a void of mal-aligned understanding of men, and my role as woman?

So much to learn, so much to understand, so much to decipher about self, to BE, the Self. whew!

North

Good Morning everyone!

Thank you all :)

Dear Anusheh,

I agree with you that it would help kids if they were told what love means and what it should ideally feel like. And more importantly, what they might wrongly assume to be love. But what also needs to be kept in mind is that the child should get messages on the same line at home. Actions cant contradict the words otherwise it can addle their wits beyond repair!

And somewhere I also have this feeling, that inspite of all that, they will still make a few mistakes and I think its ok. We have all grown out of our mistakes. Havent we? :) One thing is for certain, I wouldnt have been the person I am today had it not been for those mistakes (or shall I say learning experiences).

Dear Surya,

"its not about 'falling' in love. Its more about simple realizations of the 'self' more than of the 'other'."

you are absolutely right. Its not about 'falling' at all. I guess its just the phrase that has got associated with it that refuses to leave our systems!! :)

"whether the other one reciprocates similar feelings or not? If yes, you've found the 'one'"

I would just like to add that the reciprocation has to be with the SAME understanding of love. Until then the 'other' cant be the 'one'.

And yes, childhood plays a major role in shaping our ideas about love (everything for that matter). For example, if a girl sees her mother 'giving' and 'giving' all the time, in a relationship, she is bound to grow up with her idea of love being, "I am only supposed to give. It is not right for me to expect anything out of him". And the same can work in the opposite way for a guy.

Dear Rohit,

Love will happen when its meant to happen. But I guess what is important is for you to be open and receptive to it :)

Dear North,

"most people can love another unconditionally, but not themselves?"

Couldnt agree with you more. It is the case most of the time. And I guess Jasjit has answered your question aptly :)

Dear Jasjit,

Thank you :)

Dear Shubhosree,

Had a feeling that this was coming.."Something about Love" i.e..
Your article made for a fascinating read ! It had the stamp of feel-good-factor written all over it.

Great initiative !! Its gonna be exciting to get to know from all of you. And already the discussion that it has generated is enlightening :-)

Well to start with , the Title "Love - Do We Really Understand It?" tempts me to say a big NO....I dont understand! But the very fact that i dont understand leads me to the basic question WHY ? Why do I not understand what its all about..whereas each and every one around me seems to be an authority on the subject, including my 8 yr old nephew, who keeps telling me “Chachu aap to love-shove ke baarein kuchch bhi nahi jaante” ; seems like a sacrilege almost similar to “PSPO nahi jaante”  Well the fact that he studies at DPS is a different story altogether !!

Going through the article and also my (limited) personal experience I was thinking “Is it Really About The Other”. More and more I feel that this whole emotion is about self !! I have seen friends hopelessly in love (I think so) with someone, whereas the other person is totally oblivious to his feelings. But the sheer joy and excitement he gets just at the sheer mention of the Special Someone makes it so special. I wonder what this emotion is all about. In college we used to hear about so many nomenclature of this emotion.. “Crush” , “Infatuation” , “Obsession” and so on..it just adds on to the confusion. Today “Love” is increasingly being used as a commodity by advertisers & brands who are hell bent on convincing that “You are Incomplete / Inadequate if you don’t have a partner”, quite similar to what your article “The Lonely Girl” conveyed.

To me Love is about being happy !! yes its about happiness & joy..

When I say “I Love my Guitar” I really mean it more than anything else. Music makes me happy and so I Love Music…am I being too simplistic..even I am not sure…well let me think and get back !

Dear Anusheh
“The first experience of love is especially important because it ends up laying the
foundation of all love to follow” .. have been thinking about it..can you throw some light on it..

Dear Shubz

LOVE

LOG ON VALUABLE EMOTIONS!!!!

First reaction
Buas

A HUGE Hi Everyone :)

Feels great to see the mixed feelings topped with so many new-to-me-answers.

Hey Shubhosree, Jasjit :)
Your comments have affirmed some of my thoughts & given me a direction for some. Couldn't help revisiting my first experience.
Shubhosree, Jasjit, Anusheh, North & Prasun:
So true how we absorb things / interpret Love that comes to us or (seemingly) does not during our upbringing.
But I believe their is always a resolution to a situation. Its just that we are so stuck up with our mindset (the wall referred to by North), that many of us can't find the way out easily.
Must admit: It is quite a task to believe & love 'self' if you don't already. Its hard to bring that 'self' on (or back on - for some) track.
A Thought as I wrote all that: I've seen a few cases where one is ready to accept, give up or do anything in the world to be with that 'one'. Such desparation, such a feeling of sacrifice also must then be a derivative of one or more past experiences.

"L O V E" - ALL ;)

Dear Buas - "LOG ON VALUABLE EMOTIONS" - That's a new one. Good to read :)
And your name (reminds me of my Buas too :)

Dear Prasun,

First off, Thanks a lot.

- "Had a feeling that this was coming"

Guess I am becoming predictable now :-)

"Crush” , “Infatuation” , “Obsession”

I guess these are all the phases that we go through (well, hopefully just phases). And each one of us has our very own unique road to trod. Sometimes having to treck big mountains on the way, scrambling for foothold. But I believe they are all meant to happen for us to reach somewhere. As I have mentioned in my earlier comment also that I wouldnt be the person I am today had I not experienced those heart-breaks. Its all upto us, what we make of them! :)

"“Chachu aap to love-shove ke baarein kuchch bhi nahi jaante” ; seems like a sacrilege almost similar to “PSPO nahi jaante” "

lol!

Dear Buas,

Thank you. Thats so sweet :)

Dear Surya,

I revisited my first experience as well. And I thought, "God, have I come a long way!!!" Not only does it bring a smile on my face but also actually makes me feel grateful that it happened as it showed me the mirror in so many ways.

Upbringing is crucial. No two ways about it. The most common misconception in love is that of "obsession". It is usually taken to be quite ok and normal to be obsessed in love. And the 'other' enjoys it too! And I guess, it stems from a childhood totally deprived of love and care, for both, the one obsessed and the one enjoying the obsession. And movies like 'Darr', made it all the more 'cool' for girls to be chased by obsessed guys simply coz the role was essayed by Shah Rukh Khan, the heart-throb! Can really screw up healthy notions of love for the young and impressionable.

Dear Jasjit,

I'm sorry to say that i don't agree with you here. It was for that guy whom osho answered and i don't take it as answer to me.

And i must tell you that few people (like ma dharam jyoti) told me that there are people who don't need romantic love when i told her that i'm not having a partner. And mostly i'm really in that space where i feel very fulfilled. And it's not my illusion or something if you believe me. ; - )
And although i'm mentioning ma jyoti's name, i don't even what she said as justification.
I can speak for myself.

And i would like to say something related to our conversation now :
Honestly, i don't put osho on higher level. Even he was against that. It's not that i'm egoistic & think that i'm on his level. But yes, many times i feel one with him. And he also told us to live like a buddha. And i try doing that. Many times i feel like that.

Shubhoshree
Thanks for such sweet words.

Prasun,

"To me Love is about being happy !! yes its about happiness & joy..

When I say “I Love my Guitar” I really mean it more than anything else. Music makes me happy and so I Love Music"

Just wanted to say that you have put it in a simple and powerful way - Love is indeed about happiness and joy! You have got its essence bang on! (dont have to feel like the PSPO victim anymore :) ) As you said you love your guitar. You love music. It is all Love. As I said in my piece as well, that Love is a state of being, a state where it simply flows out irrespective of the receiver.

Hello Everybody

Prasun, Sorry for not being clear. What I meant was that as a naive teenager when you fall in love and start dating someone, the expereinces that you have begin to define love for you. Like for example I remember my first boy friend was really obsessive and for the longest time I just kept thinking that if you're not obsessive about someone then it means that you dont love them!

hey guys,

sometimes i miss few words in messages...haha....so, don't mind. And i don't like to talk or discuss these things much, i had enough of that. But i just like to play a little with words.

Dear Shubhosree,

a 'lovely' post. :)

my idea about love was triggered by the shah rukh kajol love stories i used to see in college. I even went to punjab to see what sarson ke kheth mean (DDLJ) and drank lassi in delhi in the winter and made a white moustache out of it (Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman).

But as I went along I understood something about love.

we love things or people that make us happy or feel happy about ourselves.

even in sacrifice we love it because sacrificing our life for the people we love 'makes us happy'.

so anything or anyone who makes us feel happy we love.

if someone (even though we might have loved them like no other at one time ) doesnt make us subconciously/conciously happy....we lose our love for them gradually.

I might be wrong...but this is what I saw of love till now.

A message i received today :

Wherever a new disagreement emerges, rohit, so does new hope for enlightenment, on both sides of the fence.

Oh joy,
The Universe

Interesting! ;- )

Dear Rohit

There is no disagreement. Whatever brings us peace is our way.

:-)

Hey Shubhosree

"I wouldnt be the person I am today had I not experienced those heart-breaks. Its all upto us, what we make of them! :)"

Just amazing !! Wonder how i missed that in your earlier comment !

Personally, my experience of " that heart-break" in life has taught me a lot.i can say that it has brought about a paradigm-shift (an oft repeated cliche.but true nonetheless)in my outlook.My benchmark of tolerance & acceptance has increased many notches.I have finally come to believe whole-heartedly in another cliche "whatever happens, happens for the best".i firmly believe now that no one is indispensable in life(contrary to what i used to believe earlier).
I wholeheartedly agree that the person I am today has a lot to do with what i have been through!

So you think i got the essence bang on when i mentioned about my love for music ! Thanks. So i guess i move from PSPO to Chlormint (Dobaara matt poochna!)

Dear Anusheh

You were totally clear in the first instance itself. Actually the statement got me so excited that i was wondering whether my interpretation of it was similar to why you wrote that in the first place.Glad that we think alike :-)

Hey Aachi

"so anything or anyone who makes us feel happy we love" I am all for it buddy.

Dear Aachi,

Yes! DDLJ was a whole phase!! I have lost count on how many times I have watched that movie. And RBGG is also another one of my favourites. In fact, there is one line from the movie DDLJ which just stuck in my head and has stayed with me always - it was said by Farida Jalal to Kajol - "Sapne dekho, magar unke pure hone ki ummeed mat rakho". I thought that was profound (of course very difficult to put into practice).

Thats a very interesting aspect you brought out Aachi, about having a 'feel-good' association with every action, even sacrifice. That is a very nice way to capture the sentiment of love :). At the end of the day, it is about us and not the 'other'. But people sometimes fail to see the fine line of separation between 'feeling good' about sacrificing and 'feeling the need' to do so. The need comes from insecurity. So we need to watch out for that! :)

oops sorry Aachi, the line wasnt "ummeed mat rakho" it was "shart mat rakho"

:)

Shubhosree,

"Your post is 'lovely'". Second Aachi on that. Brings freshness everytime I come back :-). Maybe it feels nice to hear so many people having re-visited their first experiences, learnings and those "good old" days. I'm sure it has brought a smile on their faces (it did to me :) ) remembering their experiences & comparing them to how they are now.

Thanks for being a means for this smile. Hope everyone agrees.

Prasun: Like Shubhosree said: One has to be open and receptive to Love (as with everything else), If one can grow after the first experience, he/she is sure to feel very grounded, very happy within.

Shubhosree, Aachi, Prasun, Anusheh, Jasjit:
With you on how you guys feel. :-)

Rohit: Feels good to know someone who's sure of some things. And having known about Osho since 17.

So much love around; don't have to go anywhere looking for it.
:-)

Prasun,

Glad to know that you have been able to see the brighter side of things! Every lesson learnt is invaluable. I too believe that everything happens for the best. But we tend to block ourselves during the 'hard' times and just cant see the bigger picture, which is natural. The hurt and pain are all part and parcel of it. As jasjit said, "The one and only emotion which has the power to take us to great heights and equally throw us in the deepest despairs". But I guess the trick is to snap out of it and keep the faith!

Cheers! :)

Surya

You're a sweetheart. There, thats straight from the heart:)

Thanks Surya :)

I am glad the piece is bringing smiles to the faces. That brings a smile to mine.

Feel-good factor eh?? :)

Shubhosree,

The article has every element about love in it. Reminded me of my courtship days with Gaurav (my hubby). I asked him once how do you know that you love me? He gave me this wonderful answer. At that time he was planning to buy a car. I suggested that he could consider Wagon R. I used to drive a wagon R myself and was able to point out the pros of buying it. Gaurav didn't like Wagon R at all.

When I asked him my question Gaurav told me that he never liked Wagon R but after meeting me his dislike for the car had changed. Now he had started noticing the car more on the road, started admiring it and becoming more open to having a look at its features. Suddenly the 'ugly box of a car' as he used to call it, started looking like a wonderful, spacious and just the right car to own. He told me that his love for me had transformed the ugly duckling into a beautiful magical car.

Truly love is a strange thing and every one has a unique way of expressing it. And like Aachi has said its about feeling good and happy.

Dear Chaitali,

Thanks so much for sharing that really beautiful story :)

Its true that if we are tuned in (to ourselves) enough, we can tell the changes that start to take place. We even start to do things that we used to laugh at when we would find any of our friends doing them. For example, talking on the phone for hours, may be the whole night, or getting a hair-cut or buying an outfit that we dont really like but bcoz the 'other' likes it on you and so on ...

Gaurav knew exactly what was 'happening' to him and thats a great start! :)

Shubhosree, Prasun you guys are right. I've always seen bad experiences as something that teaches us to evolve and get rid of our weaknesses. I was a very impatient person. My failed relationships taught me to be patient. But many of us just get stuck in that 'I am a victim' phase and refuse to come out of it because we are scared to face our weaknesses. The more we run away from facing our weaknesses the more we meet with heart-breaks. Yes Shubz its about the self.

Whta a LOVEly piece Shubhosree. First love, second love, third love .... all experiences of love make us realize different things. My first love, crush infatuation whatever one may call it taught me to let the person know that I love him or else he'll never come to know, for thats what had happened. In the second one to avoid my first mistake I just hurried through the affair to let the guy know that I loved him. Must have scared him! Anyway in my third time I intend to relax, take it easy and allow both mine and the guys feelings to take a natural course before I can say 'I love you.'

Hey Annie,

Thats nice to know that you are attentive towards the problems and rectifying them as you move on. People tend to become very bitter and close all doors to love once they have been hurt. But its good to see that you are open to love and with a better understanding now!

Kudos! :)

Shubhosree
Your post creates a mmmm...warm feeling. Well said. Its true all that madness of first craving someone, then fighting & struggling with them, then running away and wondering why they don't come after you. How crazy is that! Butt I thiink its the one thing that makes life so rich & exciting.
What would life be without this madness?

Its lovely to see the warmth flowing here. I think lots of bright, warm voices are making this space something to look forward to.
To add my favorite line on love- from the Hollywood comedy As Good as it Gets- Nicholson an eccentric man declares his love for Helen Hunt & she asks him how do you know you love me and he answers 'I know because being around you makes me want to be a better person.'
My favorite definition !
Love to all you lovely people

Hey Radhika,

Thank you so much. I am glad the warmth reached you :)

You are absolutely right, whats life without this madness indeed!

I love that line from the movie as well. My favourite kinda definition too! :)

love

Dear Anusheh,
May you remain 'Anusheh' - Happy, Fortunate (That's what it means i guess) :-)

Dear Shubhosree, Radhika,
Agree to "What would life be without this madness?".
I feel everybody should have a bit of this madness at some point of life.
After all, this 'madness' does leave us with lot of knowledge about the 'self'.

And I've seen that movie to. I said that once to someone, and won't hold back from saying it again. :)
This line has brought a lot of memories to me.
There Shubhosree, the Feel-good factor touched me too :))

Jasjit:
Although I seem to understood the seeking of 'Mummy love' that you said in one of your first comments.
Could there be any exceptions to it?

Chaitali: That share about you & Gaurav was nice & warm. :) I saw some changes in me too when I experienced that Love (like everybody does).
These changes are so spontaneous & yet so subtle that they slip-in without a knock.
Best wishes to You & Gaurav :)

Feeling sleepy. Good night y'all :)

Good Morning everyone!

Hi Surya,

Keep the smiles on :)

Cheers!

GOOD MORNING!!

Dear Shubhosree,

Always up for it :-)
Cheers to you too.

Good Morning to You Surya

Dear Light of the Sun
The exceptions to seeking mummy and daddy love exist when all is quiet on that front. Either because their love has been nurturing/healthy/wholesome and so no unmet needs lurk, or because we consciously work on addressing and healing that child's needs. Otherwise in effect all just mirrors those very same needs in different times and places.

Its in fact quite scientific Surya. Its not a 'doomed to distortion' philosophy actually. The fact is that the mind as we know it, gets created after we are born, purely based on the stimuli around us. The lesser known fact is that the 'mind' which we carry around, in fact forms in DIRECT response to our emotional world. The ego is created as a protective mechanism to sheild us from all the hurt and fear. The stubborness of the ego becomes the measure of the fear/insecurity we shield. So at one level these 'mechansims' exist to protect the vulnerability of the child. At another level they script who you become. For in closing in we always close out. When a fear gets seeded as a stubborn ego it in fact loses its ability to ever leave us, protected as it is under the 'wall' of ego/aggression/inflexibility. That is why traditional scriptures go hammer and tongs after the ego for that is their way of telling you to shed the past/distorted self. Why? because once the ego goes (fear has to go) and the being is suddenly open, receptive, creative and able to dance in the Leela and truly celebrate life-just like a child.

So imagine now in this great scripting hall of our mind/intellect how mummy/daddy (or the lack of them thereof) become the key players and threfore 'mind creators'. The heart records the hurt/anger/shame/rejection and to protect it from wasting away with melancholia the mind rises by creating a thousand deflections/games/stories simply to survive and protect itself. It tells itself its special, it asserts it point-of-view not as wisdom but as emotion, it seeks out 'visibility' ans it focus becomes on how to remain centre-stage. That is why you have idioms like 'empty vessels make the most sound'. the greater the fear and insecurity the larger the noise and aggression of the ego.

But love is about the heart right? So when we get romantically /sexually drawn to another the heart surfaces with its yearning for the kind of love it never got. Actually the exactitude of who/what we seek and where it comes from is quite stunning. Maybe I shall do a piece in some depth soon.

Hope this helps :-)

Good morning Surya and thank you. Chaitali that was a really lovely story. But I have to say he was right that the car is really ugly:)

Radhika, thats one of my favourite lines too. I think it so encapsulates the power of love.

Have a good day everyone
love

Hi Anusheh :-).

Hey Jasjit: Of course it helped!
I can now distinguish what I called "exceptions" from those that are not :-)
Would be happy to see that piece

Love all.

"Dont cry because its over !! smile because it happenned"
This was a line which helped me a lot during some turbulent phases.
Thought of sharing it with you all.

Hey Prasun,

My mom used to say that to me too when I was young. :P
Good one, buddy :)

Beautiful indeed :)

Hello Shubhosree,

Sweet piece on love. i can specially relate to the bit about odd couples bit you wrote. i used to be in a relationship with this guy (seems like ages ago now). we were friends for over 3 years before we started going around. and we were a part of this group of friends in the colony. a huge group. and as our friends came to know about us (gradually, one after the other), it was fun to see their faces. there was disbelief written all over it. i have always been the serious sensible kinds and he was the 'joker' of the group! in fact, why talk about them, WE were in shock for sometime that we are actually a couple. i guess we were a perfect example of 'opposites attract'.

good ol' days. i am smiling right now thinking about it :). it was nice to read about everyone's comments here.

Dear Shalini,

Yeah, it is wonderful to see the so-called odd couples, to see the harmony in the midst of chaos! It requires an unconditional acceptance of the other just the way he/she is. Only pure love can manage to do that :)

Dear Shubz

We love you !! Whatever may be the definition.
The concepts of love, to my parents, siblings, and other close family members are clear. The feeling I can define as spontaneous, intense and irresistible caring.
In our so called lengthy life, we have come across different types of romantic loves. The common thing which I found was, 'without courage, misted by confusion, and full of self contradictions.'
One of my cousin sisters (50), staying in Delhi, recently her husband (57) got tranferred to Patna on official duty. Last week she was talking to us. "Now after so many years of marriage, we donot have any love, shove. But I call him everyday just to check his health. I am worried, because he has high blood pressure."
HERE IS THE PARADOX!!!
Can anybody clear it to me?
Anyway, We wish you from the heart may you find the 'true one' with HIS help and show us the definition as well as example.

Love
Buas

Dear Buas,

Thank you so much for the nice words. And trust me, we all have our share of "without courage, misled by confusion, and full of self contradictions" lovers :-). Thats just the way some of us have to learn our lessons.

Now coming to your question. Taking the example of your cousin sister, in my understanding, it really depends on how their relationship has been over the years. But just going by what you have written about her, I would say that a sense of duty is what makes her call her husband every day to make sure he is doing well. If she didnt do this, guilt would eat her up! Considering the fact that she is 50, so she obviously belongs to a generation when girls couldnt voice their opinions about most things, least of all their marriage. So may be she feels trapped in the marriage but because she doesnt have the courage to step out, she is simply fulfilling her obligations as a 'good' wife.

Hope this helps!

Dear Shubhosree,

Like this blog especially the relationships section. Came across it a while back.

Just came to my mind and what better place to share than this.

I remember reading - "'One' grows with or grows out of a relationship at some time".
Knowing this, how can one expect to be happy with a life-partner (for life)?

Also, most of the people get into a relationship because they feel loved or happy with that 'one' person. But if 'one' is already into a relationship and then he/she finds someone who makes him/her happier than the 'other' they are already in relationship with, should this relationship change? Should the 'one' move-on?
In fact isn't it true that the definition / meaning of happiness may also change with time?

Another thought (a bit related to my previous thoughts) - Once in a relationship for a while (enough time) one comes to know the 'other' more closely, and is obviously bound to find some goods and bads as well. I personally feel only good is important though we can only help with bad if possible/permitted. But if we keep moving-on because the 'others' don't get on well, then what?

I hope I was clear in putting my thoughts.

Just looking for some answers (due to my so many experiences).

Dear Vinod,

Welcome to the blog! Good to know you like this blog.

As for your question, I would suggest that you read the piece called "Is It Really About The Other?". There have been similar issues raised in the comments section of that piece. I am sure it would help. If you still feel dissatisfied, please feel free to raise your questions again. :)

Hi Ms. Shubhosree

I am very very new about 3-4 days ago. And also I do not know the rules,etc. I also do not know still what all is inside all articles are posted in this blog. So, kindly forgive me for straight away asking my questions to you without reading all.

But still a big thankyou for taking your time in guiding me to this article. I will read the article soon and will try to answer my own questions myself.

Thanking you.

Hi Vinod,

Welcome to the blog! Don't worry even I had no idea of what a blog was when I was directed to this site by a friend of mine Sohini (and now I visit it more than her). But it's very easy to navigate through it. Take your time.

Dear Vinod,

Not to worry at all my friend. You can simply click on the ARCHIVES BY MONTH link on top and find all the articles in one place.

So no apologies required. Happy reading and feel free to express yourself and ask questions. :-)

1. "The simple truth about the love she brings to me"
Keyword: brings to me

2. "...they can propose or get a proposal."
Keyword: get

3. "...For some it brings back sweet memories of cherished moments with a loved one."
Keyword: brings

4. ".. For some, it rekindles the hope of finding love."
Keyword: finding

Do we ever want to 'give' love? Do we even know how to?

Just an observation :-)

Dear Rajiv,

Thats a very good observation indeed! Its true that 'giving' and 'receiving' are inextricably linked. If one doesnt know how to receive love, one cant give it either.

:-)

A very Good Morning to everyone!

Rajiv, Shubhosree,

Was reading the give n take about love and i was reminded of a line ...

Love sought is good, but given unsought is better

- William Shakespeare

welcome to the blog Rajiv!

sir i am suhaib khan from lahore pk .sir mere feounce ap ke big fain ha and ma aus sa love karta ho .. ma ap ke tera to nahi bun skta but try try agin sir ak moka plz ma ap ke call ka what karo ga ma 1th ma ho and mara cafe ha and i am computer head veair... ok i love you and i miss u every moment my mobile mysale no 0300-4902975/0302-4313546 thai is my sale no sir plz plz plz call me sir noe more chance i am what u r call ok sie by