Sad indeed.

"Every move is open to public scrutiny and life is a constant struggle to live up to various peer pressures and expectations. "

I wish it was different. We force ourselves to have a level of acheivment. We set our goals and we judge ourselves by what kind of goal we set and ofcourse if we are able to acheive it or not. And this judgement is sadly based on society and others more than our own personal liking. And we force ourselves to think otherwise. Many who have enjoyed the limelight or been the object of attention fall into this state of affair.

And we dont enjoy our own company anymore. And we are lonely. We live in an alien land always. To be happy and secure about who and what we are - is it really so difficult to accept. We say we are.. but are we really ?

Hi sundar,

I feel that one commits suicide when one is confused with the way life shapes up. at one time it smooth sailing and the next moment it may the worst phase.

In such circumstances being tough in the inside is much more important than being good looking on the outside.

Kuldeep is just another story in a world where contemporary pressures drive many people to suicides daily.

I feel contentment plays a vital role when used judiciously. the world of glamour and name and fame might be denied in this planet, but there are a billion more waiting. and the need to be recognised by contemporary society and to sustain that recognition have killed many an innocent heart.

life takes us to various beautiful destinations, albeit for sometime, destiny though goes on forever...

This was a very shocking news to me. These people look so good as Sundar has mentioned & it's sad that they are in mess within actually which is a proof of their following the outer to get fame & money instead of listening to their inner voice which makes one strong enough (also lazy in my case...hehe) not to take such drastic steps.

IT is the loneliness aspect, I think?

Loneliness means; being un-nurtured in our needs.

Sometimes, some people just never figure out what those needs are; only a pressing emptiness crush's in on them..

some; know their needs; and cannot achieve them, due to all kinds of blocks..lack of support/understanding/love/finance/debts, perhaps a combination of all of these; is a compound fracture of the heart?

Sometimes, loneliness is like being a bird in a cage; and even when the gate is opened; the bird does not realize, it is free.

North

Beauty.. is only a measurement of perfectionism.

Yesterday; a man told me in casual conversation; that I was beautiful.

All night; I kept thinking "what do they see" I don't see it? lol

For me; I feel more like the disease eating my stomach?

So, when I write, make a design; to ME< I am stopping negativity; and counter-action with productivity.

But,, even that is not enough...

What is? What I want is so simplistic; yet, it is un-attainable..

North

tx for all those thoughtful feedbacks..

Nyneishia, thanks for dropping by.Happiness and security , being emergences within rather than dependances without...a matter of centering within..

yeah aachi, i perceive conflict as an intrinsic attribute of the mind, irrespective of content.on account of it's conditionalities.

Tx Rohit...complacencies set in more often than not, leading to lethargies.to me, it comes again from not being in touch with oneself, with one's existential angst and other vulnerabilities, an aspect of our spiritual suffering.

well said north...i do see aloneness as nurturing as against loneliness..aloneness is a fullness of being one experiences in a sense of connectedness; loneliness is a manifest of a disconnect..

Good Morning everyone,

people, the name is Kuljeet Randhawa and not Kuldeep.

Just thought it was important to get the name of the person right.

beauty is a measure of perfectionism...loved that statement, north...all aspects of perfectionism is a projection of ideals from conditioned spaces...a desire to measure up to some benchmark...that we have created for ourselves...

i prefer the aspect of wholeness that creation represents...a differently abled person is viewed as abnormal, imperfect in the context of social parameters of ability that exists but in the context of creation the person is unique, a whole by him/herself...

Hi Sundar.. well, beauty really IS only a measurement of some high standard..

I think every living being; even those deemed ugly, are beautiful..IF one conditions themself to see their aura; and not their form(smiles.)

For a beauty such as Kuljeet, she must always be beautiful for society.. she must never age, nor cry, nor seem imperfected in any way.

Kuljeet must have been under tremendous pressures; with no support; from which could target her deep, deep sadness. Great Loss of life!

North

hi sundar, north, beautiful exchange.

to not to be able to connect to one's inner self is like being in a day which will never end.

even the imagination of it is dreadful.

no wonder people who live like this eventually cop out one way or the other.

Dear Harb...the sad thing about it is, it could have been thwarted; if someone had seen "her" signs; and intervened in "friendship."

Last year, a friend of my sons was suicidal!! Six-foot-eight inch's tall; a huge boy; and very smart, athletic(scholarship) but, the pressures he's been under all of his life; b/c of his enormity; has crushed his sense of "freedom" for himself.

IT took me and my son; all of last winter; just listening to him talk...to get him out of the darkness recess's of his thoughts.

Today, he fondly calls me "Mom Deux"(Mom Two) and I call him, "son-Deux"(son two) lol He and my son are best buddies; and I am afraid; that IF the boy had not confided into my son that fateful night, about his dark thoughts; and IF my son, had not come to ME< about it;

ONLY God knows; the other path for the boy could have been headed towards? He was real blue, in his heart/mind. The pressures he's under to perform basketball(of course, at 5'8' tall) and grades...pressing for a scholarship from sports, etc. whew!! That's a lot, for a 17 yr. old boy to handle!! Yeah, he's only 17,,,same age as my son.. he'll be 18 in April,,, my son, 18 in November.

Anyway,,, just thought I'd mention; that the darkness of everyone's "other half" of Self; is in each of us to do daily battles with.

I am convinced; should Kuljeet, have had a friend like my son became for his buddy; and should that trust been extended to another(like it did to me)

then, who knows? Kuljeet, could have been saved from her dark hour of "one scenario" of her possible-destiny.

May we all extend our compassion towards Kuljeet's transition; and to her family and friends..with unbound love, towards peace for them...and

TO: honour Kuljeets accomplishments; not focus on her dark-destiny...

North

Dear North,

wow!

That's so sweet of you.

; - )

kisses & hugs, Rohit

beautiful everyday acts making so much of a difference, north...ordinariness is at a premium these days...and labelling and stereptyping.....in small ways we make a big difference to those around in our unique ways...i feel sometimes that blackboxing issues and viewing them in isolation sometimes does more harm than good...the web of life has to be understood and imbibed in entirety as natural outflows from our beings...

that should read replaced by labelling ,stereotyping...sorry ..tx.

yes dear north, the darkness of other half is in each one of us to do daily battles with...but often times we ignore our own darkness in the garb of healing others...

perhaps which is why wise say: if you have healed the whole world but not yourself you have healed none, but if you have healed yourself you have already healed the whole world.

no problem in giving the helping hand to someone whom the big IF has sent your way. but no worry for the rest of the world either. that would be the work of god or sot (scheme of things).

love, harb

Dear Sundar, Harb, Rohit,

True,,I have my own healing to accomplish..every single person does; even those secured in the working world..

but, that boy was brought to my path for a reason; and not only to help the boy process his dark thoughts... it was to also remind me,,,I had healing to process.

IN helping heal that boy; it also helped heal parts of myself. He stayed here overnight, when he was real blue..just to be with us in strength/courage.

today, the boy is happy, FREE, and has a girlfriend..he's off to college come fall,,and getting his scholarship..

All my son and I did really; was BE his bridge.

to me,,that is what anyone suicidal needs: A Bridge...to close that gap.

Rohit..you are welcome(wink.)

North

I've come to a huge realization in reading this blog and some of the other great pieces..I've realized, in my desire to be accepted in my community; I became a volunteer freak! lol I didn't know, the word, "no"

Yeah, last year I started stopping many things..designing, doing bookcovers for cookbooks for school fundraisers,,bake for a church fundraiser,,,walk the floors, for profit group bingo's..selling cards...I did so much!!

Last month; I resigned my President position after 7 months..I'd realized; in my health conditions, that it was zapping my strength/energy/money(travel)

Well, lately; I just may give up my "last" volunteer position I've had being in my ninth year(I thought eight) or could be ten even...will have to check.

anyway..for some reason; I want to be doing nothing right now; but, rest,,heal..concentrate on me and my son, as iv'e always been a big active parent in his school, sports..(coach, assistant coach, etc)...

Now, maybe that he's leaving for college come summer; well, maybe I'm pre-prepping for a good rest! a much-needed one too; b/c as I drop one volunteer thing,,after another this past year; some people; whom "depended" on me to be their chef, waitress, seller, designer, executive, etc...are not too happy with me taking a ME-time-out? Why is that? I hinted today at a conference I may step down due to health; and immediately; it was like: "if we can do it, you can" it was really childish...lol..but, maybe they are just desperate to keep this woman; whom worked like a dog; never complained; and did this up to a few times a week; for 15 years straight now!! whew! I"m tired!

And, more importantly...Ive realized some of this regime I put myself through such a rigorous course; to come to today's realization that I did much of it..just to fit in and be involved in my community.

today, a group I worked for,,for going on ten years; mentioned they'd prefer "normal married" in the group. huh? so, maybe that's my cue; that after a year of chewing on letting this one go or not; the decision was already played in the cards?

North

Dear North,

I feel life is about realizations ... at every point. Thats if we are open enough to recognizing them. Glad to know that you are finally ready to focus on yourself. Enjoy and cherish the ME time! :)

love

beautiful insight , north...i guess we finally do everything for ourselves, one way or the other...and realizations are milestones of integrity manifests on the way...way to go..God Bless...

Thanks so much for the encouragement/understanding!!

I am going to enjoy my down-time for sure!! Already, the less stress has had amazing effects on my disposition..some vigilant meditations/breathing, etc... I feel so different, so "new" almost... in some profound ways.. this is the year of my growth!

North

she was a great.may her beautifull soul rest in peace

she was a great.may her beautifull soul rest in peace