Amen!

Such simple words but such powerful sentiments.

"you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me"

Beautiful ...

Beautiful! And the last point you've added just made it complete and perfect. Wonderfully aticulated. Thanks.

dear Jasjit,
the two greatest things which a parent can give to the child are roots and wings..
roots so that they dont forget who they really are and wings so that they can follow their heart...

Dear Jasjit,

It would be fitting if 11 replaces 10. Children with their innocence, good cheer, contentment and simplicity are the closest human manifestation of God. They don't need to know our slant on God or worship until their questions demand such knowledge.

Dear Preethi and Harvinder

What wonderful points both of you have raised. I do agree that children have no use for any of our rituals. They must be allowed to find their own Gods and angels. And Preethi roots and wings ......how beautiful.

Harvinder

Absolutely accurate observation. I too would remove ten and change it to 'give me faith in my being, help me seek my own higher potential and teach me to seek Truth within.' Love the way you think

:-)

Dear Preethi

Great addition. If only we could remember that every act of ours in effect weakens or strengthens that 'root' and we are so scared to let them 'fly' that as parents we singularly contribute to clipping rather than nurturing their wings.

Hi Radhika

To all of you - the points you have made are so true and correct to the T. I had tears brimming as I read them for I could visualise my two little ones saying these to me and my own guilt for not always being able to be that perfect No.10 mom.

Dear Chipmunk

I dont know of any moms who are a perfect 10 or who even think they are. IMO a good mom is just one who tries to do her best everyday. And sometimes she's absolutely the best and sometimes she's not on top of things. That is natural. But what makes her a super mom is just the fact that she tries.

As long as you try Chipmunk.....you're a super mom:)

love

Good Morning everyone!

Jasjit every point has been put down so simply with all the truth in it.

Dear Chipmunk,

I'm not a parent but I too felt a choling feeling in my throat when I read the small requests that children make to adults. Requests that are not really hard to keep but we fear that it will harm them. So you don't have to feel that you are not making up to being the perfect 10 mom. You are trying your best. It's just that as adults, parents we too have a lot to learn from our children and the key lies in being open to our childrens' requests, feelings and desires and not supress them in our efforts of being perrrrrrfect.

What age group is this post about ??? What childhood ???? If this is about childhood, as the word suggests....In that case, I haven't come acorss a single adult till this date....For an adult to follow this list would need to not have one in themself..

I see this list prepared in everyone & exists forever in everyone's life....Which one of u has not been criticized apart from criticizing the work done.....this is forever....how much will u formulate....???

For who all will we keep making the list...?? today for parents, then for freinds, then later for husband......and the list goes on...

Don't we need to Free ourself off these lists...????

This post is incomplete..

Hi Naina

I'm not sure I'm interpreting what you said correctly but if you mean that as a parent we are still carrying a wish list which never got fulfilled then yes that's true. Which is probably why we can rarely remember not to put our children through the same mistakes. Which is why I guess lists get created in the first place. Like sign-posts, road maps etc to help us get where we need to or better still to take the higher road.

As for why make them. I guess man's yearning for better/larger dreams makes the world what it is, else perhaps debilitation would put an end to all hope. Raising the bar, pushing your frontiers, knowing the threshold can be expanded is what makes life a wonder.

And do we need to make them endlessly? Hmm.. I would say if parenting ensures a wholesome self then the facility to engage with all-people, relationships and life per se- becomes more natural and effortless. Like a seasoned traveller knows where to turn.

And of course I'm also waiting for you to complete your post. :-)

Hello all

The list is all very well,as parents,most of us probably follow it without actually having a ready guide to follow.

With children, its day to day situations and parents instincts that carry you through.

Also, more and more the educated parent is reading books before and after the birth of a child on how to manage your child? How to handle yourself as a parent? What is the right way and the not so right way of doing things? and endlesslly so, with every person with and witout a child telling or advising on raising the child...

Honestly i am bored of it all, no two situations are the same, no two children (not even your own)are the same.

So as parents,we watch and learn about our own child/children, then we moderate the situation, be it discipline,loving, caring, giving,indulging.....all of it together, we package it in our own unique way, with our own unique characteristics of parent and child:)

Personally, the list does nothing for me.

Hello Madhavi,

I t is true that no two children are the same and no two situation are the same.

Parents never knowingly want to hurt their children but it still happens and they don't even realise it. Take for instance good parents will never comapre their children with each other or with others. But often they end up praising one more than the other not so much so as to compare them but to higlight the good points of one of the child concerned. Both the children get equal love, caring, freedom of choice, comforts etc.

They probably don't even realize that they have subtly affected the other child who may then develop a personality that constantly seeks appreciation in his/her relationship with people. It's quite normal for us to seek appreciation and validity from others. But what often happens in the process is that we loose our own personality and keep trying to live upto others, constantly suppressing, or fighting with our self. If situations come where we want to assert ourself we feel guilty that if I do this then I will not be appreciated.

The list is not a rule book that parents need to follow but certain pointers that they can keep in mind even in their day to day process of bringing up their children.

Even I have not read any of those books yet but if it comes from a reliable source then when I'm an inexperienced parent I won't mind getting a few tips from the books as I wouldn't mind getting a few tips from my parents. Ofcourse whether I choose to or how I choose to act upon the tips is a matter of personal choice.

Point well taken Chaitali

I still find it just a tad annoying, that parenting or the spiritual self,job stress etc etc are relegated to lists, or words spoken by the profound one, which only come down to generalisations.Is it not then a cold and unnatural way to follow?

What if the advise/point has a similar ring as my problem, but it does not fit in perfectly, am i not then left to follow either my own experience or instinct?

What i do value though at the other end of the spectrum is, peronal experiences or thoughts, there is a certain warmth that is just right for me. Add the old experiences with the new evolved ones, get a yummy kichdi and enjoy it just like that:))

Hi mads

Personally I have to say that these lists are priceless simply because one of the most disastrous and mucked up 'professions' in the world happens to be parenting. In my opinion and experience, it's rare to come across someone whose parenting has been constructive and led to a great blossoming for them.

Having said that I see these lists serve two purposes. Firstly they serve to provide parents with guidelines which they desperately need....for isn't it ironic that no one teaches you to prepare yourself for one of the most important jobs in the world! And secondly they become important guidelines for us as adults to know exactly what we need to heal in ourselves so that we can attempt to be better parents and have a chance at breaking the cycle that threatens to set into play because of the parenting we've received.

And then of course like you say personal experience is what brings it all together at the end of the day.

Just my two bits:-)

:)) for you Anusheh

and that's where i leave it.

Hi mads

I think these lists have also come out from peoples' experiences :)

By the way I like the 'mads' abbreviation for your name.