But see its all quite interesting if anyone is attentive enough to notice. The women are not speaking out of context. Every time there is a ‘moral uproar’ on something now, you find close at its heels a lengthy survey spinning out data asking us to really ‘look’ at how young people are viewing sex/sexuality and how men and women have moved on from the winsome ‘virgin’ as a ‘must’ for a ‘happy marriage’.

Instead there are two groups now battling it out as it were. The one obsessed with proving how ‘liberal’ and ‘modern’ the young Indians of today are vis a vis ‘sexual behaviour’ and the other group which is hysterical about how ‘unethical’ and ‘un-Indian’ it all is.

What I mean to say here is that the indulgence with pre-marital sex is always done under these binary notions of ‘liberal’ vs ‘conservative’, ‘Indian’ vs ‘un-Indian’. Which means we keep going back to the same debate of morality versus immorality.

Unfortunately while the fisticuffing is healthy (at least there are two clear voices) and amusing at times the unfortunate bit which is still missing (or that which we keep avoiding) is the issue of sexuality, pleasure and intimacy. For the young, pre-marital sex has nothing to do with it being morally acceptable or unacceptable. A recent survey on 17-25 year old boys and girls, conducted in 7 cities of India, by a leading newspaper, collates the following figures on what the young have to say about pre-marital sex:

·58 percent support pre-marital sex.

·Among the top 4: Mumbai- 84%; Bangalore- 64%; Kolkata- 56%; Delhi-
54%

·70 percent approve of confessing their previous sexual relation/s to
their spouses/partners.

·Hyderabad and Bangalore lead in marrying ‘non-virgins’- 70 percent
each in favour.

·65 percent of the youth surveyed had no qualms in accepting partners
with a sexual history.

·About 60 percent say that pre-marital sex is morally acceptable.

Basically while we debate moral/immoral the next generation is onto a different desire/acceptance frequency. Rants on morality are hardly ‘cool’ in their world or relevant since most of them are also upwardly mobile, more financially solvent than ever before and hardly dependent on parental policing. They are better hardwired to respond to peer pressure, urges to experiment with sex and sexuality as fun, be sexually experimental and to perceive it as the in road to intimacy with partners/lovers. What is troublesome (and perhaps should be where the ‘informed’ focus needs to shift) are the studies on adolescence and youth which show that ‘uninformed’ sexual acts can and do lead to various behavioral and health problems among young people: depression, lack of confidence, fear of sex and sexual intimacy, distrust and anger towards the opposite sex, unwanted pregnancies and not to forget STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) and HIV/AIDS. Education on sex for youngsters as well as their parents and knowledge about practicing safe sex is really what the hullabaloo should be about if any. For frankly ‘moral outrage’ can never stem desire or fulfillment since the sexual flourishes in the cell of secrecy, it does however ‘ensure’ irresponsible/unsafe behaviour by its chastising/vindictive intent.

Creating taboos around sex or enforcing abstinence has never worked. Neither can we sweep it under some deflective carpet and hope it will all go away. The sexual is central to human desire, propelling us to often curious and unprecedented behaviour. So let’s stand up and clap for Khusboo and Sania instead. For it is not they who are masquerading as ostriches.