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Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa - by Sundar Srinivasan

By - 4:10 PM Thursday 29 December 2005

Was watching the Shahrukh movie, kabhi haan kabhi na, today..one of my favourites...can resonate with the character

...don't all children/youth go through handling judgements, condemnations, guilt...and crave to be loved and accepted? just as they are....more often than not, they are not able to accept themselves....love themselves..and herein lies a story of bruised self-esteem...leading to so many links - becoming manipulative to get their ways; telling lies, sulking and being bitter and irritable, angry with everyone and everything...the list goes on...Consequently, we also become insensitive friends, insensitive lovers, insensitive spouses,insensitive parents and so on... We can only share what we have within...if we are full of hurts and resentments and hate, it manifests in our relationship spaces outside...

We also become beggars for affection, craving for it in myriad ways.We want to make ourselves indispensable, often humiliatingly in the lives of people whose affections we seek; we crave for recognition in all we do...Thus , our lives are an incessant struggle to appear more beautiful, more sexy, to cook better, to earn more..the list goes on..we are constantly insecure about losing the people we care about, and strive to make ourselves more attractive/useful to them, so that they continue to need us.It also manifests in a seeking for constant social attestation of our actions.We want to be ourselves but not at the cost of various social privileges a "conformist" attitude brings with it.Thus, we wear elaborate and burdensome masks, pretending to be what society expects us to be.

It has happened to me....as an older guy, I have learnt through those.....worked on my resentments, my hatreds, my insecurities,my tendency to judge incessantly......so many of them....i am still in process, learning even as I share.

Can I remind my younger friends, that everything is ok..it is ok the way we are, nothing wrong with it....we can always improvise, but we are not condemned species in creation....we are equally special as anyone else..does not matter if we are thin, fat, dark, short or whatever...we have our own space....life is not hurting and humiliating because of what we are or not, it is hurting and humiliating because people(including us) are still learning to love, learning to care....we are also a part of that great learning process...and very critical links of the chain called life....let us discover that sacred space within each of and enrich ourselves as well as others we meet on the way...a fundamental human need...to be accepted as one is....and then, in that acceptance of oneself,one flowers....

Posted By - 4:10 PM Thursday 29 December 2005

Comments

Wise words Sundar. If only we worked as hard at preserving our uniqueness as we do at conforming.

Posted by

Anusheh

on December 29, 2005 07:12 PM

Sundar, thanks for that - words that sound like they are echoing up from a deep well. "critical links in the chain of life..." a lovely thought to begin the new year with

Posted by

Maya

on December 30, 2005 12:50 AM

ts anusheh and maya for your feedback...

Posted by

sundar

on December 30, 2005 05:00 AM

Good Morning Sundar

What a poignant post to wake up to. You say it all. Indeed if people could simply accept( and psychologists have enough research now to prove it) that we basicaly get created in all our patterns between 0-7 years. And reclaiming of the spontaneous self can be in no other place but revisiting childhod and healing the pain/anger/deprivation.

In effect all the (in)famous references made by Buddha and Christ to 'kill your parents' was in effect about decode the messages and patterns they have set and free the essential you. For indeed parenting (bad/indifferent/flawed) is the whole seed of a dissonant self.

I have often wondered is it just how Maya stakes it claims? For the unfettered soul of a child enters the gruelling limitations of the guardianship of its parents and hence the unlimited begins its journey of limitation and mutation. And Samsara weaves its web.

It truly is a fundamental key. Great post for all to contemplate the road to the spontaneous 'I'.

Thanx

Posted by

Jasjit

on December 30, 2005 09:45 AM

gm jasjit, tx for your feedback...

Posted by

sundar

on December 30, 2005 10:13 AM

agree with you on your interpretation of "kill your parents"...Fundamental Childhood decisions alongwith karmic patterns are the key to the evolution of our personalities.Parents are themselves helpless.. circumstantially...not to be blamed...but fcds need to be addressed in healing processes critically...we are all prisoners of a blue-print with repetitive fundamntal patterns...self - realization and consequent liberation are the key...

Posted by

sundar

on December 30, 2005 10:37 AM

HI everyone!

While its all very good to say things like - Self realisation, kill your parents and stuff. THese are big words to me. but how does one actually take action to liberate oneself? i mean it would really help if one cud talk on more practical lines.

Just a suggestion .....

Thanks. BTW, refreshingly different blog!

Posted by

cool_dude

on December 30, 2005 11:24 AM

cool dude, the intent of sharing is to enable a perspective to seeing our lives.Guess, facilities, like ifsha have interventional services...but such quests are always very personal...personally, i feel taking responsibility for our lives and operating from there is a critical step to becoming aware..else, we keep cribbing at everything and everyone around us for our situations and stagnate in our lives...the act of taking responsibility opens up a lot of avenues...

Posted by

sundar

on December 30, 2005 04:04 PM

Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa - by Sundar Srinivasan

By - 4:10 PM Thursday 29 December 2005

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