well said, chaitali...lets hope the forces of love and aesthetics in life overcome the forces of fear-induced frustrations and joylessness...may more intents help such a manifest sooner than later...

Chaitali,

I have seen that metros and big cities are more at disadvantage when compared to the smaller towns...at least in south India.

In Hyderabad or Bangalore, the population is so much that every park is flooded with couples and all secret places remain no secret. I smile at the plight of lovers trying to spend some quality time together but being undone by regular interferences.

In smaller towns though I have seen much freedom and less interference. In vizag recently i saw a couple in the beach road seated in a car far from civilization. The miniscule amount of traffic didnt even care. So too in Mangalore.

this reminds of a funny incident that happened a couple of years back. It was new years eve(2001) and our friends decided to usher in the new year by driving out of the city and sitting in a dark field somewhere. All of us were boys and so we got into the car and drove some 20 to 30 km out of the city. We saw dark fields towards our left and took a turn into a kaccha path.

We were stunned to see a white maruthi car with tinted glasses in front of us parked to the side of the road. The moment we approached, the car burst into gear and did a u turn and went towards the main road. I was just able to see a visibly irritated boy driving at the wheel.

I always double up in smiles whenever i think what that boy must have thought about me. I guess it would have been something like this....

" Of all places on Earth, this guy had to come to this kaccha road!" :)

Aachi,

Calcutta is another city where you'll find lovers undisturbed by prying eyes. Victoria Memorial in Cal was a very popular site.

I usually stay in a suburbian area when I go to Cal and its true about what you say, I see so many young boys and girls roaming around hand in hand, or enjoying a bicycle ride with the girl sitting in the front. But no one is bothered.

During the Durga Puja's the pandal actually becomes the site for display of love affection, flirtatious encounters between young boys and girls. Many even end up finding their soul mates in all this act of passion.

Hello all,

I must share this funny incident that happened a few days ago. I was on my way to a shopping mall, taking the short-cut through a park. And there I saw, a woman guard staring at something (I couldnt say what as I couldnt see a thing behind the bush, but obviously I could guess) with the whistle in her hand, in a stance that she was ready to blow it any time. As I approached the bush, sure enough I saw a couple sitting real close, cuddling away.....

The scene was both funny and sad.

I was thinking later that not only was she gawking at the couple incessantly, she was actually waiting for the "right" moment to blow it and scare the life out of the couple. What I want to know is what exactly was she waiting for? I mean who was she to decide the right time to stop it. The couple was at the mercy of the guard's idea of limits and boundaries, right and wrong, comfortable and uncomfortable ...

All this talk about cultural values and all is just crap. Adults just want to control us. They don't trust us. Wouldn't it be wow to have a place like the drive in theatre that is shown in the american movies!

Hi Raj - I agree, adults dont trust young people for the most part - because they know what young people want to to..
and theres a total lack of spaces for people of all ages to hang out - city spaces are controlled and moderated by the forces of morality and power. so spaces for the poor, housing, recreation etc are all being eaten up. there is a great deal of moral panic in the city of mumbai over this. its very sad what happened with the opening up of mill-land for the city, it was immediately snapped up by builders and politicians to build more ugly high rise apartments.
i can understand that it must be frustrating to not have space to be with loved ones..i;ve been thru that myself

yeah it is a great idea! but I really wonder of its gonna work. and honestly, i dont think that the young guys and gals really care if anyone is looking at them anymore. it has happened with me so many times that i just passed by a couple who are totally into their own thing, oblivious to the world outside and they dont give a damn if anyone is watching them. i think at some level they have become desperate too.

may be i am wrong but i am speaking from my experienc.

hey chaitali, just wanted to share some good news for all young hearts warmed by romance...yesterday evening, I was visiting a hospital at Bandra, a north west suburb of mumbai, right at the sea front...couples, young and old alike were necking and cuddling away to glory and the cops did not seem fussy either...brought a smile to my lips as i saw those and re-connected to this post of yours...

Yes Sundar I can visualize the scene and your smile. Thanks for the post, it made me :)too

Chaitali

Why does this happen only in India, that lovers should be careful about the public and the police? In other countries, especially in the West, people kiss each other openly in full public view, and nobody points any finger at them.

dear chaitali,
Yu are indeed right about kolkata.There is
e indeed a lot of social tolerance for l
o vers.Even now a days cerain gays are also coming out of the closet,you can see them prying in the rabindra sadan area,this shows the state of social mobility of bengalis because thankfully of western education,.I know a couple of instances in our dads generation,whr love marriages even took place in the 60's.That was quite unheard of in those times.But the situation throughout,india has improved a lot,and hopefully certain people like raj thackeray and all has realised that instead of taking a aim at the valentines day celebration, should the movemewnt should be directed at socially conscious movements.Thus as dylan said, Times they are a changing.Anyway shubho bijoya,aantorik pretti o subeccha.Sayan

Hi Sunny, Thanks Sayan and same to you!Shubho bijoya to all the others on the blog!

Coming back to the topic IMO we need to first stop this constant comparison with the West. Any change does not come about by mere comparison but with self introspection. So I think we need to first look at what are those things that cause this discomfort when it comes to physical intimacy or affection. Finding the cause and questioning it will show us the way to resolve the discomfort.

Sayan, Yes intimacy among young people is tolerated in Kolkata. But you know I've also seen that this intimacy is not informed and many young people land themselves in undesirable situations. Many girls and boys under peer pressure enter into relationships which do not always have a happy ending. There is a lot of experimenting with relationships which is a good thing but much of it is too casual and ends up with young people making hasty decisions.

But yes things are changing and more than the freedom to publicly kiss at this point what is more important is first building within in each individual a healthy sense of their own sexuality and sexual being.

Dear chaitali,
yu ar indeed rght that social consciousness has to be build up in case of conservatism and the derogated aspects of our society,so from wht d yu thnk conservatiasm stems from.

Sayan I think it is from ignorance, fear, resistance to change because that would mean change in a whole set of beliefs that one so far has found comfort in and beliefs that have allowed one to hold power over others.

What about you? What is your take from where conservatism stems from?

Dear chatila,
Shubho bijoya dashami,preeti o subeccha.I hink conservatism stems from absence of propr industrialisatio.As a student of economics maybe i give too much importance on the aspects of dis investment and industrialisation,because to me unless privatisation which leads to the inclusion of corporate companies in the society,which is the first bridge to gap the gender divide.Anyway as astudent of sociology what is yur take regarding that?

Sayan It's Chaitali. I guess you were in a hurry when you typed the comment :)

Shubho Bijoya to you too! Have a wonderful year ahead of you!

Sayan I think I have already given my take on it. Perhaps I have not used sociological jargons to do so. I'm not comfortable with jargons.