Shubhz

What a great article. Couldnt stop laughing, and I completely second you on the outrage. These damn serials make me sooo mad at times. Women who watch these (correction, are glued to these) serials have to be identifying with them in some way. How scary is that given their popularity!

I've even heard women go so far as to say "We didnt even realise all this happened in the world until we began to see these." Can you imagine. If serials like these are beginning to define our reality then really women are landing themselves in a far thicker mess than we think.

It's all rather scary and completely maddening. Loved the 'sickta kapoor' bit.

Oof how I can't stand that awful serial (and the others too) Saloni. You have really brough out this 'strange' fascination for fairness really well shubhosree.

Even I just can't understand this fascination that we as a race who are 'dark' have for fairness. If you are fair only then are you lovely and if you are dark then you are ugly.

Just to add to your list of examples of people preferring fairness. Matrimonial ads in newspapers asking for "only fair and beautiful' girls need apply".

My mother is a 'dark' woman with realy sharp and beautiful features. As a young girl both my mom and her sister had to hear from relatives that they should not be sent out too much or else they will become even more dark and then no one will want to marry them; or things like don't wear bright colours it does not suit you becuase you are dark.

When I was a kid she used to always tell me that never to think that just because you are dark you can't wear this or that colour, or that you are not pretty. Having gone through it herself she always reminded me to love what God has given me. Thanks mom.

Hey Anusheh,

Tell me about it! Writing this piece reminded me of your piece about the 'Virgin and the Whore'. The woman is either shown as the sweet little thing that is a sitting duck for all the atrocities in the world (eg. saloni), or the scheming, conniving woman whose world revolves around evesdropping from door to door in the house! And the ads are no less. Like in the ad I described, the dark girl is shown to have no life before 'fair & lovely' entered into the scheme of things!

What a terribly messed up depiction of reality indeed! A beautiful face, the right complexion, a sensual woman ..... all being defined by a bunch of people in the media. These serials are made and they run successfully bcoz the TRPs are high. So isnt it time that the people watching them wake up and smell the coffee??

Hey Chaitali,

Couldnt agree with you more! Yeah I know all those lines "dont go out in the sun too much, you will become darkER!!" And the one that I have had to hear many a times as I was growing up was, "Oh! but your mother is so fair!". My mother happens to be fair complexioned so it just made the comparison easier for people.

Initially I used to get annoyed but eventually I learnt to see their stupidity and laugh it off! :-)

Hey Shubhosree

Kudos on that well written piece. You’ve said it for me as well.

Wonder what our freedom fighters must be thinking…They gave up their lives to fight discrimination based on colour of a person’s skin. It’s a shame that our society has not been able to make itself worthy of those sacrifices made by them.

Dear Chaitali

“..can't understand this fascination that we as a race who are 'dark' have for fairness” Me too. Guess even a Nat Geo Investigation series wont be able to do that. Its so deeply engrained in the psyche.

Dear Anusheh

...."We didnt even realise all this happened in the world until we began to see these." Can you imagine....I guess They are simply obsessed ;-)

On a lighter note I remember this line from a very forgettable movie [I forgot the name :-) ] wherein the comedian (it was Jaspal Bhatti I think) says “India mein Ladka chaahe kitna bhi kaala ya bandar kyu na ho…usko Biwi Gori hi chaahiye” .. sad

Hoping for a brighter future
Amen

Dear Prasun,

Thanks a lot. Yep, you're right. Lets hope for a brighter future where the light in the being is appreciated rather than the lightness of the skin!

Amen :-)

Dear Shubhosree,

in my college days I used to fall for the fair skinned North Indian girls more than anyone else!

oops :)

Its quite peculiar how the idea of fair skin being beautiful sat in my head...maybe had to do with conditioning since childhood.

At present I have grown to a stage where being beautiful has something to do with the compatibility and comfort levels I share with the opposite person.

Thank god no skin color is involved.

I wonder who or what exactly started this divide in perception.

It must be the older tribes from the temperate regions long ago who must have influenced the tropic dwellers that color was a major factor in beauty.

lots of love to you, Anusheh, Chaitali and Prasun.

Since this site is about sexuality- I can safely say that it is my opinion that dark skinned ladies are extremely sexy. Fair skinned ladies to qualify for the same attribute, need to be extrememely cautious about their manners! wink.

Prasun,
“India mein Ladka chaahe kitna bhi kaala ya bandar kyu na ho…usko Biwi Gori hi chaahiye” .. sad

America mein Ladka chaahe kitna bhi kaala ya kangala kyu na ho…usko Biwi chaahiye PAISEWAALI ... Bad!

What a beautiful morning it is here in Delhi Guys!

I rememner seeing this bangla movie... can't remember the name [:(]... it had a very young Sharmila Tagore acting in it. She was dark and her sister fair. The parents loved both the daughters. But somehow Sharmila always had to bear the brunt of all the anger and frustrations of her parents. The two girls used to learn drawing from a teacher. The teacher asked them to draw something on their own and present it to their parents. The fair sister draws a scenery or a goddess, something like that and is praised by her teacher and parents. Sharmila on the other hand draws the picture of an angry charging bull. Though the anger of the bull was beautifuly captured by her in the drawing she did not get any kudos from the teacher or her parents. It was only her uncle who appreciated the drawing.

The movie tried to show how even though Sharmila was a very talented girl her dark complexion always made all her actions seem very aggressive.

Dear Rajiv,

(Chuckle Chuckle) Ah... but let's be fair (read equal)to all the varieties of complexions ;)

Good Morning all!

Dear Aachi,

Thats ok. What matters at the end of the day is that you grew out of the fair/dark battle and settled with BEAUTY :-)

To be honest, cant say how the divide began really but the tribes and caste systems could very well be a strong possibility.

Dear Rajiv,

I second Chaitali on that! :-)

Nice post! I think Indians rank way up there as the most color conscious people. Do you remember Mississippi Masala, Mira Nair's film about a Gujarati girl (played by Sarita Chaudhury) who falls in love with a black guy (played by Denzel Washington)? The girl's community is outraged because he is a black guy, the girl being quite dark skinned herself. Denzel Washington realizes this and retorts that at most he is one shade darker than them, and the silence that follows seems like an eternity.

Also, have you noticed that Indian skin takes the longest to heal and revert to normal, if one gets a scar, bruise or blemish? Because of our obsession with skin color, nature seems to give us maximum grief in dealing with it :)

Having moved to a different realm in color consciousness, here's an afrikkan girls's poem:
When I born, I Black,
When I grow up, I Black,
When I go in Sun, I Black,
When I scared, I Black,
When I sick, I Black,
And when I die, I still black.......
And you White fella,
When you born, you Pink,
When you grow up, you White,
When you go in Sun, you Red,
When you cold, you Blue,
When you scared, you Yellow,
When you sick, you Green,
And when you die, you Gray.................
And you calling me Colored ???????????

Good Morning everyone! :-)

Hey Harvinder,

Thanks for reminding us all of that movie! Dont know about Indian skin taking longer to heal. But when I think of the dark skinned women like, Oprah Winfrey, Whitney Houston, Halle Berry, just to name a few, their glowing and flawless skin stands out! In fact, dark skin is hardier and due to more pigment, it can withstand exposure to sun much better. :-)

Hey Rajiv,

That was a brilliant poem!! Absolutely loved it!

Hi Harvinder,

I remember that dialogue from Mississipi Masala. It was a real hard hitting one and so well put. We are ever screaming at the West for being racist when we ourselves are being racist while preferring fair over dark.

Shubz even I have always wondered why don't these cosmetic ads concentrate on healthy, glowing skin rather than fair skin or is it that they equate fairness with healthiness.

Rajiv loved that one!

Just saw the Emami 'Fair and Handsome' cream for men advt on TV. Lol! what a riot.

Hello Friends,

Shubhosree thank you thank you thank you for writing on this topic. I just can't stand those awful ads on fairness creams! I also find the word wheatish really funny. Makes one feel like a cereal (wheat).

I read somewhere that in Victorian times even white women wore a powder like thing to make them look frail. It was a trend started by queen Victoria. Looking pale and frail was equal to being feminine. It amazes me to think of all the associations that the human mind makes.

I just love the topics you guys choose on this blog! Love ya all.

Dear Chaitali,

Thats right Chaitali, unfortunately, fairness is equated with a healthy skin as well. If you notice, even a moisturising lotion Ad or a soap Ad will always feature a fiar complexioned women. Quite sad ....

Dear Rajiv,

That Ad is funny and so sad at the same time!! :-)

Dear Annie,

You are most welcome! :-)

"I also find the word wheatish really funny. Makes one feel like a cereal (wheat)."

Lol....

Thanks for sharing the piece of information about the Victorian times. How sad it is really that there exists such a distorted concept of the feminine and beauty! And thats why it is all the more important that guys and girls do not succumb to caustic remarks thrown at them by the society. It will take some amount of inner strength not to let the derogatory comments affect their self-esteem and to feel secure and confident about who they are. But it is do-able if one decides on it!

Cheers! :-)

Bravo Rajeev. Maybe all South Asian girls should have this as their nursery rhyme and hopefully that'll delete that white brain cell everyone carries.

Cheers

Hey Anusheh, what a great idea that is!! Amen :-)

Hi Shubhosree

Your post is spot on. Like Aachi, I too confess that growing up as a tam-bram, light skin was high on the beauty merit list. Never gave it thought until your post. So when I met Radhika, a north Indian Punjabi, was her fair skin a big turn on? I guess yes. And while I can say that her personality and wit made her irresistible can I honestly say that the skin thing doesn't turn a South Indian's head? No. And today when I think about it as I read your post I have to say hell what's wrong with us. I'm dark, as are my sisters, so does it mean we devalue ourselves? Its true something is very off with us as a people.

When we got married and everyone went on about how fair Radhika was, I was preening like white is a trophy. Sick! And I don't even know where to start looking for the root of this.

By the way, is this Blog going to leave nothing unturned in us? :-)

Hey Venkat, theres nothing 'that wrong' with us :-)

Barring extreme cases where humans overdo things-and that includes both dark skinned beatiful ladies as well as Whacko Jackson- in my opinion it is also a case of trying to get something that we dont have.
Lets not forget, millions of caucasians spent millions of dollars to get that enviable tan!

Mind sets take generations to change- rather evolve. Hopefully we teach our children well.

Hey Rajiv,

I agree mindsets take generations, but the point is which way are we drifting? As Shubhosrees piece rightly points out, the ad world is eulogising and seeding deeper the same old mindsets. And I agree when I look at Ash and Sushmita that the mindset seems to be here to stay. So who's telling the children anything different?

My little one has a rich, dark color like Venkat, and already I have to work hard at emphasizing that her skin is beautiful. How I'm going to prevent outsiders from rubbing it in, I have no idea. These are some pretty basic truths which can effect self esteem quite seriously.

Thanks Shubhosree, loved your piece.

Radhika, we can't give up :-)
The world outside of each of our family is 'the society', and we will always be at a loss to figure out- what next? because the 'world outside of our family' consisting of people, various stimuli, even environment will always say or do something that is counter productive to what we are teaching our children.

The answer, in my opinion, is here. Within us. If each of us gives up... threatened by 'that world outside of our family' called society, how will we ever teach our children well.

We must do our best in teaching our children well- and I will NOT say 'leave the rest to God'.
Rather I will say "...and continue to do our best"

Good Morning everyone! :-)

Hey Venkat, Radhika and Rajiv!

"How I'm going to prevent outsiders from rubbing it in, I have no idea."

Well, Radhika, you cant. We can never control the actions of others. We can only watch ourselves and our attitudes. I totally agree with Rajiv that it is all upto us. So as parents, I think its best that you guys give your little one positive messages about her skin colour! If her foundation is based on such a healthy sense of self and sexuality, it should give her the comfort to be who she is! :-)

Venkat, as I said to Aachi, its ok as long as one realises the true meaning of beauty. Now you are better equipped to be give your daughter the right messages :-)

Thanks guys for appreciating the piece....

Hey everyone! great piece Shubhosree ...

it really is quite a big problem still. may be a little subtle in nature, but the impact is still deep! i have cousins who are 'wheatish' complexioned and i hear them crib about it. they try to wear the 'right' colours clothes and make up so that their darkness is subdued. and the problem is if i try to tell them that they shouldnt bother about these things so much, they answer back to me, "you wouldnt understand, you are fair!". at such times i feel that its so unfair that they look at every fair girl as vicious. it creates an uncalled for bitterness in them....

loved Sickta Kapoor!!!! so apt!!! Lol!

Dear Shalini,

Yes, you are right, it does end up creating bitterness (consciously or unconsciously) towards the fairer girls. I guess it emerges from the anger, frustration and insecurity among the darker girls for various reasons. One of the major factors being attention from the opposite sex. The darker complexioned girls feel they will lose ground if they dont match up to the 'benchmark'. You can help them see sense (depending on openness and comfort in your relationship with them) and come out of it but ultimately its really upto them to make the right choice! :-)

Cheers!

Dear Radhika,

Like Rajiv and Shubshoree have said, don't give in to society's demands. As a parent one can make a lot of difference as to how comfortable the child is with his/her body. My mother always made it a point to let me know that there was nothing wrong with the colour of my skin and inspite of the craze with fairness all around me I have grown up to like my body for what it is. The larger goal for all of us should be to keep ourselves healthy.

And with Holi coming up lets enjoy all the colours given to us.

To end with I'm reminded of this famous hindi song: Goro Ki Na Kalo Ki, Yeh Duniya Hain Dil Waalo Ki :)

Loved the name Sickta Kapoor. :-)

Hello?

People criticizing the serial "Saat Phere" fail to understand the basic psyche of people. I don't know how they are judging the serial.

Why this serial is so popular? Let's pause and think.

First of all I have problem with "know all" folks. They are so closed to learning anything new. So if you are that kind of person, who has been there and done that, stop reading my reply here. And here from me that please don't try your hands at marketing or counselling.

So why this serial is popular. Is it because the women is dark? Is it because there is some difference with other serials in terms of acting or concept? We will dwelve into that.

But let's not assume the masses to be "so brainless" that they can watch crap for years. Try and selling them anything which involves them giving money and is crap. If that would have been the case then these "know all" people would have been millionaires. So they (general public) still might think that time is not that precious as money, so they are willing to spend their time on crap. Well let's disprove that. This might be crap to you but this is not for people who are watching it. They like it. They love it. They can relate to it at some level. They see it in society and might even face the brunt of being black. Serials are not creating the mindset, they are reflection of it.

Still people want to see something good happening to Saloni. When something happens to this girl, they know in their hearts that something good will definitely to her. And if it happens, they feel they have won. They want her to win. They want themselves to win.

So people don't feel that she has to win just because she is dressing like other folks or anything of that crap. People like this quality of hers that inspite of her being black, she is fighting itout in this world.

I fail to miserably understand how this serial can be compared to FAIR AND LOVELY Ad. May be I need to use FAIR AND HANDSOME.

I don't know why people are making a big deal for no cause. It's just a serial so watch, and stop complaining !!!!!! WELL I REALLY LOVE THIS SERIAL...SO KEEP IT UP. SALONI...........and the role she is playing wouldn't be played much better. so Keep it Up SAloni !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry Ive been disjointed for a while- but back now. Don't see Shubhosree around....

yes ,all of you ,its so easy to curse the society for their stubborn mentality about complexion.now listen to me carefully all you guys who say that dusky complexion is sexiest.and can u propose a girl
who is not dusky but totally black skinned,so black as if a black poster colour.one of u said that his mother is dark but has beautyful features,can i ask u the plight of a girl who is xtremely dark and have ugly features too? i belong to a middle class family
and have witnessed the sucide of 3 dark girls in my neighbourhood who were always rejected for marriage.wake up from ur dreamland b'coz this is the real world.now i tell you my story ,i am a dark girl who had always been the topper of my class till tenth .the first day i went to the school i was 3 years than and i remember that nobody was ready to sit with me b'coz i was black.my classmates had a good nickname for me
"koyla".inspite of the fact that i was the topper of the class,the best mind of the class but alas!the worst colour of the class.can u imagine the mental status of a 5 year old small girl who faced all this. well the story did not end here,it is still moving ahead.now i am doing graduation ,i
am one of the top students of the class.an active student,the best speaker of the coleege.and you know ,the 3rd day of the college,our hindi class was going on and that god-damned lecturar b4 100 students said to me in a loud voice "yaar rekha,ye bhagvan ne kaala rang kyun banaya,ham sab ko to itna acha bana diya aur tu kaali reh gayi".the students here are no more less,whan i carry an umbrella in hot scorching sun,my so called friends
say "ab is se jyaada kaali kya hogi".like other girls i too have crushes, attractions on smart boys but i can never reveal those feelings agar mughe apna majak nahi banana to.look mujhe ,apne kaale rang se itni problem nahi hai jitni ki is duniya ko hai.yaar ,ye duniya badi bereham hai,ye apne maje ke liye langde ko langda bol degi,andhe ko andha bol degi.kya tum realize kar sakte ho ki aaj se 2-3 saal bad meri shaadi ki baat chalegi to mughe kaun pasand karega.i don't need anybody's goddamned sympathy but the fact is....................................................................

Hi Rekha,

True dark people have to hear a lot of nasty comments from people around them. It could be parents, siblings, close relatives, people around your immediate surrounding, peers. We say that the whites are racists but we don't even realize how racist we Indians are!

So much is the pressure and ridicule from others that we start hating our own body and its colour. So even if we are number one in our study that stops mattering to us (as it does to others). We doubt our own abilities and start cooperating with those who comment on our colour by keeping quite and taking in their insults. The mind tells that perhaps they are right. As kids we are made to feel ugly if we are dark by our close ones and as children this gets ingrained in us.
"I am 'black' and therfore 'ugly' and they have a right to say it and I don't have the right to say them to shut-up."

Rekha we recently had a workshop ( Read about it on the blog. It's called Mayhem in a world of choice and desire.)with LSR girls and believe me every girl whether you are dark, fair, thin, fat, have the same anxiety in their mind these days. "Am I attractive enough or cool enough, or feminine enough for guys to like me."

The problem is with us also. We are allowing ourselves to fall into these traps. "Will I get married? Probably no because I am dark and dark is ugly or no one will love me because I am dark."

I mean really who decides whether you are ugly or beautiful? Others, your parents, your lecturer, your friends? I don't think so.

My mother was dark and she was never appreciated for her lovely features by others. It was she who saw her features as beautiful. To others she might have been ugly but to herself she was beautiful.

Pahle khud ko pasand karna sikho nahin to agar koi doosra tumhe sachi mein pasand bhi kare tumhe lagey ga ki woh tum pe koi ehsaan kar raha hain.

You have hit the target right at the centre -"yaar ,ye duniya badi bereham hai,ye apne maje ke liye langde ko langda bol degi,andhe ko andha bol degi."

Par mera yeh kehna hain ki "Apni life ki zimmedari khud lo aur duniya ko tumhari mazaak bananey ka mauka mut do aur agar woh mazaak uraye toh bhi usse unki problem samajhke aage bartey jaoo."

Who like extremely fair skin?

Like papre white almost...I think they like to call it"peaches and cream"....................