Dear Chaitali

I really like the way you have concluded this post. Women must take responsibility for the world they are living in and the world they are inheriting. We cannot always pass the buck and hide under the law. Also I feel if women want to share power then now the time has come for them to interpret power and its games in the world as it exists and rise to articulating a world of their choices. I feel so much of that is happening as the sexual morals are being challenged especially for women. Women who do this also pay a price I know but I feel it all works towards changing the world where women have to take active rather than passive/victim roles all the time.

I like the different ways in which this blog interprets many of these things. Thanks for a thoughtful post.

Hi

I have been checking your site on/off for nearly 2 mths. Have to say everytime I read there is something wonderful and interesting in which you pick up a topical issue. In fact consent has been something our criminology class has been bitterly divided on. I read your article and absolutely agree with your arguments especially ur ending. I too feel that we have to be careful on how far we take the consent debate in the interest of women. Otherwise ultimately the law will begin to boomerang on women.

Like your phrase 'dangerous liasons' too. Maybe I will use it as a title for my paper on consent :)
Thank you for some good reading!

Also to add a request. Since you have so many topical issues on sex/sexuality maybe if you could link to local and international news media and provide a daily bulletin on such topics it would be very useful for many of us. Hope its possible. :)

Hi Elsie, Hello Shagufta,

When I read about the school teacher case in the paper few months back I was sort of annoyed with the gullibility of the woman. Though being a woman I can understand her emotions but calling it rape and using it to get back at the man is to dilute the intensity of the actual crime of rape.

Thanks guys for appreciating the blog. What makes it different and interesting is that everybody on it, whether it's you guys, me or the others feel free to share their own thoughts and experiences. Keep blogging!

"For as long as women hold on to these ‘populist’ mores of female sexuality, choose to remain oblivious of their ‘individuality’ women will feel ‘raped’ every time they are betrayed."
Great ending. I really think women need to wake up and start thinking about their own sexual boundaries and games. Of course women use sex as a negotiating tool. Any man will tell you that. So why don't women start think about this and take responsibility for their actions too.

I do agree though that men are more likely to take advantage and do get away with a lot and sexually it still a man's world. But like Elsi says, time for women to learn how to be careful, responsible and open about who they want to be.

hope I haven't rubbed anyone the wrong way!!

Hi Vedant,

I guess using sex as a negotiating tool in a relationship comes about when one is insecure about the relationship.

You have met some very significant points.

this betrayal factor being used as a rape case, is dangerous to children and women being raped against their will, often violently, and with brute objects!

It is completely appauling to see how the law can become so twisted and distorted; to either condemn or condone; depending who is on the stand as the guilty party, or the victim?

IS money a factor in this judicial mess?

North
http://spiritsinmotion.blogspot.com/

Dear North,

Brutal acts of rape and rape against a person's wil are dealt under rape laws (which as I mentioned in Part I are ambiguous in themselves).

But here we are questioning whether betrayal in relationships involving consensual sex can be termed as rape and dealt with under the rape law.

Didn't quite get your question on is money a matter in this judicial mess. If you can expand a bit on the question perhaps I could clarify your query :)

I was wondering in the case of the long engagement, with promise of marriage.

She won a rape case, based on brocken promise of marriage-as she consented to sex, with the promise of marriage.

This confused me, so I was wondering if she were a privileged woman in financial stature? Or, is this "brocken promise" vengence prominent for all women, betrayed of the vow promised?

North

Dear North,

In the case of the teacher who has filed the rape charge no verdict has been reached yet. In the other case mentinoed which led the court to pass a judgegment where betrayal if proven is liable of being brought under rape charge, the woman did not win the rape case. The prosecution could not prove that the accused had no intention of marrying the victim from the beginning (I wonder how they can even prove that he did change his mind later on?)

Most of the time women do not come out with their sexual relationships. Perhaps in the case of the school teacher it is her finacial status and her priveledged position that gave her the courage to speak out of her relationship and the betrayal. I don't know if these will win her the case.

My introduction to this general topic came when as a boy I saw a production of "Trial by Jury" (G&S). "Breach of promise of marriage" as the base for a legal claim was made to look pretty funny. A bamboozled woman has a right to feel humiliated, cheated and stupid; just as if she had lent the man money based on a false promise of marriage. But physically violated? I think not. The loan, or the sexual act, was consensual at the time. She did not feel "violated" at the time of the act, only later, when she found out she'd been swindled. A claim for "theft of services" might float.