Anusheh

Thank you for bringing out one of the most disturbing and dark sides of what is thriving as gay sex today. This kind of reality is being brushed unde the carpet by everyone, government programs, AIDS awareness camapaigns, Gay rights exponents et al. The hideous side of sexual 'license' is not being addressed because the word "freedom and rights" have become sacrosanct. IFSHA's long stint with working with gay men has waded through this kind of dark side and struggled with the horrors that lie concealed in the psyche. Especially the vulnerability of young boys and passive gay men.

To share another tragic/horrific tale. One of the groups of gay men we helped grow into a healing centre in Pune had a colleague who broke away because they discovered he was HIV positive. He had always been living in mortal fear of contracting it. Once that happened, rather than access his own group for healing himself he took off. Finally when they tracked him down some 6 months later, he had full blown AIDS, sores on his body and he was hunting down young boys at night forcing them for sex. His mother had meanwhile found out and she tried to poison him to death in anger and despair. When his colleagues asked him why he was infecting young boys he said "I'm not going down alone."

Understanding the rage, guilt and self-loathing
which defines a sexual self and practice is critical before we can even begin to engage in discourses on sexual safety. The psyche which invites HIV as a gift, may sound macabre to many but the fact of the matter is that until we understand and accept that it exists(and not in small numbers) we cannot even begin to assess how potent the epidemic really is.

And as for your critical last question -where is the love? Exactly the point that we need to understand and accept. Much of what is sexuality (especially male homosexuality) is not fuelled by love but by the basic, primal instinct for penetration. Until this truth is accepted we will continue to veer into sexually morphed patterns.

Anusheh,

This is a totally new facet of homosexuality that you have thrown light on.

While it is not impossible to think of HIV positive people, whether heterosexual or homosexual, transmitting the virus to others knowingly, gay men voluntarily getting infected with the virus is indeed a shocking news.

What I see here is immense desperation and as jasjit as pointed out rage within the self. The desperation is so strong that it drives one towards 'suicidal' actions.

That many of these people consider HIV AIDS like diabetes where one can pop a pill and continue with life shows the 'matter of fact' attitude they carry with them. Where does this attitude come from is what needs to be addressed first and foremost.

This whole episode is reminding me of Orwell's 'Animal Farm' where the opressed become the opressor.

I am still reeling with shock!

I am totally shocked. Also to know that people thrive in a world where love, compassion and kindness are alien concepts. Here is a world that exists and most of us are so ignorant of it. The question is why? It cannot be just mere politics. There must be some ghastly truths of their past lives that guides their warped present life.

Hi Chipmunk

Ghastly past lives is probably right. But they have just set up another ghastly life which will soon become a past life without paying heed to what a gift/oppurtunity life is for transformation. Collecting more baggage with deeper and worse cycles to confront the next time around. Hence the need to see and understand that life is about breaking and not continuing negative patterns, whatever they maybe for if not, the noose of karmic cycles worsens to a degree where the discerning power becomes almost impossible to access.

I guess that is why there is such a need to heal ourselves sexually because its the one area where unaddressed madness proliferates with aplomb, whether it is child sexual abuse, pedophilia, pornography or 'gift giving/bug chasing' etc.

My congratulations to writer of the piece. It is shocking and sad that this truth is not known by any. Important blog which writes such stories.
But you see when there is unnatural sexual behaviour like homosexuality it will happen. That is why holy books such as Koran call it sin against Allah.

Dear Kalam

Frankly I think its neither about Allah nor the holy books. Sexuality is "unnatural" when it uses aggression, violence, supression of self or the other, exploits children or seeks pleasure in negative imaging. And that frankly is not the monopoly of homosexuality. Heterosexuality is equally guilty of rape, violence, sodomy, pedophilia and unsafe sexual practices.

Indeed this particular behaviour is specific to gay men and quite mystifying but I guess I would trace it to their own anger, self loathing which turns love and intimacy into a dance of death. So frankly, tracing it back to unsuspecting Allah is really passing the buck as far as I'm concerned.

Dear Anusheh,

Horrendous! It almost sounds like a community service!! Reading the Bug Chasers' comments has made me go into a state of shock! Has to be self-hate and rage. I mean why else? As for the Gift Givers, I guess it is the sense of Power over the other that promts them to do such abominable acts!

Distressing ....

Really Anusheh a piece like this can only leave one speechless and filled with rage. Because as you rightly say here we are confronted with the horror of aids and bodies ravaged by it on one hand and on the other there are people trivialising it all by their outrageous behaviour. Really there has to be a limit to this nonsense.

Hi Shubhz, Shagufta, mads and Chipmunk

I can't tell you how disturbed I was too when I came across this. Not only by what this obviously means for infection proliferation but also by the fact that there are people out there who are so emotionally unfufilled and devastated that they actually seek infection to 'belong'. How sad and tragic is that.

Dear Anusheh,

I am SHOCKED.It is so disgusting.I can't imagine any human being lowering themselves to this state of mind.These men are immensely selfish;with no thought for their near and dear ones.

Hello Sunrise,

Good to see you here.

There's a program on every night at 8:30 p.m. on CNN IBN this whole week called Alternate Sexualities. It's an interesting program to watch. They're really helping bring out a lot of interesting and horrendous stuff around sexuality. I've only seen one episode yet but am going to make sure I catch it every night for the rest of the week.

Hi Anuseh,

Since I read I have been literally going in circles in my mind. Whom do we blame? Men who are severly suicidal because their identiry as a homosexual is not acceptable. Or is it a group of men who are crazed with the idea and now are getting sucked in to the web of their creation. Whether hetero or homo, it is clear no that the power plays are extremely potent.

In one case it leaves a trail of emotional virus, where as this is taking the entire world down the roller coaster of doom in a break neck speed.

It's horrendous to think that all this is happening in the most aware class of the society. Where we are trying to educate and inform people of other strata about HIV. The rat is in our own ship.

The feeling brought back memories of 60s hippy and drug culture when knowing people were jumping in to the death pool.... If anybody has seen the movie "Easy Rider".

I think there is a sincere sense of phychological(emotional and social) warping that is pushing these guys to this limit. A state when you do things without thinking without judgement or responsibility, only because it is hip in or "supposedly Gay intiation". Probably they are also a commumity who are beyond any approach in terms of reasoning. It's almost like mob mentality.

When I was seeing how the mob was rioting all over Bangalore, dancing, prancing and laughing, only because "no-one let them see the body of Rajkumar" and probably after 3-4 hrs of rioting they don't even remember what was the cause they had come down to such a level. But some people die in the process. I see a strange madness, ferful and extremely vindictive in bothe the situations... as a if a lame excuse to get your frustration out, on yourself.

it's extremely scary.

It was not clear whether so call M who was married has already infected his wife or not.

Well actually the news report didn't mention whether M had also now infected his wife. They missed out on that rather crucial point.

It's true that mankind needs an excuse to unleash violence and aggression be it towards himself or another. But the mob mentality I feel rises from a deep need to belong (whether to a larger voice, purpose, movement or just emotional outburst) because one's own roots are so shaky and insecure.

Actually the first expose on Gift giving and bug chasing was done by the rolling stone magazine where they interviewed a man who was a bug chaser and a gift giver. And his last words in the interview were about how "even though it sounds kind of sick" giving someone the gift turned him on because it was like slowly murdering someone.....Now how do you slot that. Violence and hatred no doubt but obviously stemming from a self which has little sense of worth and carries huge amounts of self disgust and hatred. So it's really all quite cyclical. You seed what grows within you.

love

Anusheh

The only truth I live by is that "we create our own hell" and of course our own heaven too.

They are doing a great disservice to all of those suffering with HIV and trying to fight it. They are doing a great disservice to those trying to educate people about HIV and to those helping those with HIV.

These people are either crazy or just downright evil.

I would love to find some bug brothers here in Knoxville to convert me... I would even pay for that conversion......

I am a bottom that's chasing the bug here in Knoville.. Hell Id even pay for POZ cum.....

Chris just plain curious to know why you want a sexual partner who will infect you with a virus?

Hey Annie.. Well I know that as a gay man that is into being a bareback bottom, I'll get pozed anyway sooner or later, so Id actually like knowing when it happens!

Are you POZ Annie?

Let me know guys if you are a gift giver and near Knoxville....

Okay Chris you've got our attention - if that was your point. You know very well that this site is not going to help you find a gift giver. However there are hundreds of sites on the web -based in the USA -which you must be very aware of and which will take you directly to what you want.

So the question is why do you persist on this site? Obviously there is some fear/anger which you want to express through your assertion and I really think it would help everyone if you came out and expressed it and perhaps engaged in a discussion rather than spamming this site.

Best

Actually I'm not aware of any sites that can lead me to a gift giver.. Sorry if you think Im spamming the site, it wasn't meant to be spam...

If I knew where to find a gift giver here in Knoxville I'd be hitting on him....

Once upon a time, I worked with a guy named Darryl. I use the phrase "Once Upon a Time" because Darryl recently died of AIDS. Darryl was a Cocksucker in more ways than one---at least that is how I will remember him.

You see, Darryl lead a secret life. By day, he was a hip, black heterosexual Yuppy male; by night he was a scummy drug addict 'skag-HO' who turned tricks to purchase said drugs. Well, one day he turned a dirty trick and caught AIDS---Boo Hoo Whoo. Instead of admitting error by stop shooting up drugs and turning tricks and seeking help to fight his diease, he turned to religion.

Darryl spoke to GOD and GOD told him AIDS was GOD'S punishment to all Homosexuals and therefore it was Darryl's mission in life to 'impregnate' all the 'FAGGOTS' with AIDs so that the world would be purified and rid of them. And so he did what the LORD COMMANDED---this COCKSUCKER, according to his boasts, gave hundreds of 'FAGGOTS' the gift before he succumed to full blown AIDS. I hope Darryl goes to heaven, is told by GOD he misinterpreted his message and that he is sent to hell for all eternity for what he did.

First, There is no cure for AIDS. Second, SOMETIMES the drug cocktails work and can extend some lives---SOMETIMES it doesn't. The drug cocktails don't work for everyone because it is EXTREMELY HEPATOXIC (it will buttfuck your liver)or NephroTOXIC (it will buttfuck your kidneys Finally, the Cocktails are known to astronomically increase your chances for cancer in and of themselves. I will never forgive Darryl for what he did to his fellow human beings---Darryl CHOSE to stick a needle in his arm and he CHOSE to prostitute himself to pay for his drugs---GOD or 'His FAGGOTT TRICKS' had nothing to do with his getting AIDS!!!

B.I.H. Darrly

Hi CPTG

Thanks for sharing that. We see the same thing repeatedly. I dont know if all such people believe that it's the voice of God that tells them to give other people the bug but I can tell you that anger and fear are definitely at the helm of this kind of behaviour.

I dont know about hell or heaven up there but he sure enough went through enough hell here and made sure that he dragged in as many people as he could.

There are many many Darryl's out there, spreading anger, hatred and disease. Everyone needs to take responsibility and watch out for them.

Hey CPTG

Mate you sound quite angry yourself. I think I agree with Anusheh that anyone choosing to infect others is in a really messed up space in their heads. Bad place to even imagine what it must be like for them there. Someone should be treating their heads and I guess cursing and damning them is really no help to anyone.

Hey CPTG,

Ok so your anger towards Darrly is justified to a certain extent. Yeah he shouldn't have been goin around infectin others with the virus. But why didn't those who he infected take precaution. I mean even as I had read Anushe's piece earlier I was wondering why were those who still not infected getting themsleves infected?

CPTG is blaming Darryl easier than taking responsibility of ones own protection especially in times such as these days when most of us know the dangers of the virus?

The mind is really twisted... whether it is of the gift giver or the bug chaser.

It is sad but so true this is a growing problem in the gay community. instead of calling names lets find out what we can to stop others from becoming infected.

This is nonsense. This type of activity is extremely rare (as is anything this crazy), and was sensationalized into being communicated as something that was 'growing' or even popular at all to begin with.

Read, and learn: http://www.medialifemagazine.com/news2003/jan03/jan20/5_fri/news5friday.html

This is pure proof that homosexuality is a mental disorder and the APA was wrong to remove it from the listing of mental disorders.
Persons with HIV should be quarantined from the general population so as to stop the spreading of this deadly disease. Persons who are “gift givers” should be charged with murder and once convicted given the death penalty and housed separate from the general penal population and other death row inmates.
The behavior of homosexuals is appalling, indeed such behavior shows that they are infected with a sick and disgusting mental disorder and should be confined to mental institutions.

Webber

This behaviour has little do with having an alternative sexuality. Hetrosexuals can and do indulge in extremely depraved practices as well. It's more about the sexual psyche that exists in the world today than gunning after one group of people!

This has got to be the most messed up facet of humanity (if we can call them that) I have come across in an extremely long time. No wonder there's rising homophobia and anti-gay sentiment which will not hold back.

Maybe we should let these maniacs infect each other and allow aids itself to die out when these guys start popping off. Survival of the fittest and the elimination of morons from society. To knowingly do such a thing - with no care for life. Wow, it is still too much for me to digest.

"This is pure proof that homosexuality is a mental disorder and the APA was wrong to remove it from the listing of mental disorders.
Persons with HIV should be quarantined from the general population so as to stop the spreading of this deadly disease. Persons who are “gift givers” should be charged with murder and once convicted given the death penalty and housed separate from the general penal population and other death row inmates.
The behavior of homosexuals is appalling, indeed such behavior shows that they are infected with a sick and disgusting mental disorder and should be confined to mental institutions."

The above is a forgery. I do not feel this way. I acknowledge that some homosexuals are crazy and do the whole bug chasing thing, but the fact is that it's an extreme minority. Using bug-chasers to condemn homosexuals as a group is like using men who beat their wives or rape women to condemn heterosexuals as a group.

This bugchasers should be deported to africa in an exchange agreement, they would not get acess to medicines and in their turn some africans will leave... How sad is this.

Ok, here's a controversial theory, but it sorta makes sense: This underground gay community was most likely started by government agencies to expedite the spread of the disease; HIV is a genetically engineered disease designed to control the growth of human population.