Soon after wards she called me to say thank you for telling her those stories and she has tackled a particular problem in her office. Not only that, she has now become a popular girl. I said, "I understand, I am glad that you could stand up for your own and don't worry you did a brave job."

I could have guided her the first day with the pamphlets of "Vishkha guidelines" and enthused her. But I wanted her to find her own courage and not come to me for help all the time. Because her work life has just started and she would face more problems through-out her life.

This is the story I told her

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This goes back to the time when I was 25 and the concept of laws against "Sexual Harassment at workplace" was as alien to us in India as mobile phones and metro in Delhi. I joined as a junior Graphics Artist with one of the IT giants of the capital. Our office at that time was something like today's call centers in terms of youthful energy and vibe. The structure was horizontal. The company rule to address all seniors by their first name and not Sir and Madam, took me by surprise. But that seemingly "American way", was used and abused by many in the office premises.

Being a creative arena Bengalis were predominant. I soon became a part of an all bong girl gang, which was a relatively quieter group. We had our special place for a 0 hour chat over coffee near my workstation, which was a very public place at the crossroad of aisles.

I would often hear the girls whispering, cribbing and complaining about a certain team lead who was just a wee bit over friendly to the girls. Unaware of the seriousness of the matter, and being too fresh in the company I tried not to worry my head over it much. Besides I thought if it really bothered them, then they are mature enough to take a stand.

Soon one day one girl was close to tears with this person's behavior. As it is with most girls, she never divulged the entire episode but cried buckets. I was surprised that most other girls asked her to shut up and ignore it and carry on working. I wanted to tell her to take a firm action, but wasn't sure how grave was the matter. I wasn't even aware who the perpetrator was. Like a well kept secret of the victims, none of the girls spoke "HIS" name in the open. Not even to warn other female workers. The attitude was "well if you face it you will get to know it. Then you would be a part of your deep dark secret." Or worse still, "Poor you and nothing happened to me actually."

The very next day as I was busy working on my keyboard and mouse, suddenly I heard a "Hi there" and felt very sleazy hand on my waist moving up right under my arm. It was a fraction of a second, but the feeling was yuck....I was shocked and as I got up to see who it was, there were 6-7 guys standing there. I turned around desperately to search for who it could be. I turned towards my friend in the facing cubicle, who saw it all and as I followed her eyes, I spotted the team lead of another team. That is when I realized that this was happening to all the girls and maybe even worse was the state for his team members.

I was flummoxed and I didn't know how to react, but I was certain of complaining to the boss. My teammates warned me not to as those who complained earlier had faced a very bad time regarding, their projects, scheduling, and appraisal. Everybody was scared of him cause he could make their work life hell. Incidentally he was a non-bengali, but since he knew how to speak bengali, he would use that as an excuse to foment small talk and victimize those who bought it.

I was angry at myself and the girls that even together we couldn't form a team to complain to the CEO or HR. No- one was ready to support me. All they said was, "Hota hai. Sabke saath hota hai. Har jagah par hota hai. How many people are you going to fight?" The feeling was either you stay here and tolerate it or quit the job. Even if you change a job it will not stop. Some other guy will start it. No option between the fire and the frying pan. And most of the girls I think just blamed themselves cause they were the common factor.

Next morning as I sat fuming over my cup of coffee feeling frustrated over my inability to do something, this be-spectacled team lead sauntered in the bay. He looked at me with a smug expression, as he thought I was another of his long list of sitting ducks, since I didn't protest against him.

I stared at him hard and long, groping for some thing to say and clutching my cup so that my hands don't fly off to slap him. All the girls around me were mum. They were scared I would do something, and warned me not loose my promising job. As he drew closer and said, "Hi girls", the girls froze. Some smiles, some coughed, some just stared at him over the coffee cup, sipping loudly. The bay was quiet in the morning hours.

Breaking the dripping icy silence, with a concerned look, I said, "Do you have very high power in your eyes? I mean do you have a serious problem with your eyesight? Like blurry eyes or something?"... The girls gasped.

"No", he said, "Why do you ask?"

"Well why do you always say 'Hi", by touching and groping us, as if you are blinded by too much light? Is there a problem with your eyes?" The girls were ready to faint or run or simply scream out into a laughter. Their faces were red, and cheeks full of laughter and coffee that was difficult to gulp.

"No, no problem, see ya", he muttered and whimpered away. Finally the quiet morning hours burst at the seams into peels of laughter and sprays of coffee.

I had said all that in Bengali, so most of the other non-bengalis couldn't get a word of it. That way I nipped any gossip from building. And from that day onwards none of the girls were touched or groped. Since no formal complaint was made to the boss, none of our careers were also at stake. Thankfully the "American way" which he was abusing, came to my help, as I could address him face to face.

But life is not always that easy for everybody. Many companies now have started a very strict rule against sexual harassment. But mostly only the big cases are reported and many such small irritations are gulped with indignation. Fear of stigma and fear of seniors hampering their growth is so palpable that most girls just cry in the loo or girl gatherings and can't say a word about it. Some times there are ways of handling such issues cleverly. At other times they are ignored because of sheer lack of support to the victim from the management.

In turn they suffer from depression, lack of interest in work, low productivity and lack of self respect, which not only hampers their work life but also their family life in the long run.

It is imperative for every company to take note of this issue of their female employees. By appointing counselors who are not a part of the company is one solution. And the other is to sensitize the general men folk as to what accounts for "sexual harassment". Even the simplest comments on figure, clothes and face are sometimes not welcome.

Long time back I had a team member, who had the habit of saying "shakl dekhi hai aine me?" to all and sundry. Then one day he said it to me --- a girl wearing obnoxious braces. Everybody laughed as if it was a joke. I carried that hurt in me for a long time. I considered him uncouth and never worked or spoke with him after that. I wish at that time I had known about the vishakha guidelines.

I have been fighting ever since. I fought each and every one of these buggers. And good that I did. Cause today even the law supports me.

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Nobody wants to fight for other people in an office. Every bodies job is precious to them. But you can set examples to strengthen those who need it. The day I fought for myself, without a big fight and without any repercussions I became a heroin in the office. It helped the other girls to stand up for themselves, when they saw that I didn't get victimized, instead stood for what is right without any fear or support.

It is one thing to fight for someone else... but the best way is to let them understand themselves and fight for themselves.... with our initial push and support of course.

Being a victim, is often a state of mind created by ourselves. Accidents will happen, but not letting those accidents eat into our confidence and right to live a happy life, is in our own mind.

Princess Baatcheet