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Fat legs an' all....by Maya Ganesh
By - 9:34 AM Wednesday 07 December 2005
When I was a teenager ‘sexy’ first entered my consciousness through music and movies. “I want your sex” said George Michael. “I’m too sexy for your party” Said Right Fred. Soon, to my mother’s distress, everything became sexy. Just saying the word was sexy.
Chicken curry and rice was sexy
Tom Cruise in that Cocktail poster was damn sexy
Quantum physics was sexy
The Catcher in the Rye was sexy
Big wide belts were sexy
Neon shoelaces were sexy
(Ok ok, fashion in the eighties was not sexy)
Conversations about the inappropriate language I used were fairly common in my house.
Irate teen: “Its just a word, ma”
Irate mother of irate teen: “Well I don’t want you saying it because your younger sister is going to be saying it soon.”
Clueless father of irate teen: “If you spent more time on quadratic equations and less time locked in your room I think we might not need to have these conversations..”
Even now sexy is a word I use happily. Even now my mother flinches. (though she has recently admitted to me that she thinks Saif Ali Khan and Stephen Cole - of the BBC - are both ‘quite sexy’)
And then I fell in love with the boy next door. Sexy started being applied to me, body parts, physical intimacies. I became aware that there was an unseen yet strong standard of sexy. I didn’t know who decided this but it was very clear that some things were sexy, and others were not. Crossing your legs like Sharon Stone did in Basic Instinct was sexy. Letting cleavage peep out was sexy. A slice of tanned midriff above your jeans was sexy. Fat legs were definitely not sexy.
Sexy became something you could do with your body to send a message, but there was still an elusive unknown x in that equation. Some people figured it out. Some of us struggled. I tried to make the connection with sex. Was sexy about how good sex was? Not always. Was it about orgasm? No, nothing matches that. Was it something that made you want to have sex….or the feeling of wanting to have sex? Mmmm, kinda, sometimes. (So can you manipulate what someone thinks might make them want to have sex? Yes, I think so)
There was pressure. Was I looking sexy? Did I come across as sexy? I don’t think I actually felt sexy when I tried to, but its likely from the attention I got that maybe I looked or acted sexy. That was truly confusing. I met a much older man who sensed this confusion: “You may not know this but I think you’re really sexy anyway. You don’t need to do anything about it. Just let it be.” Of course I had no idea what he was talking about.
Around the same time I bumped into some cool women, feminism, and interesting books. I began to think differently. I learned to question things with a new kind of intelligence. I experimented with love and longing. I began to get it. Actually, I began to for-get it.
Time passed. A new boyfriend in a different life.
A few weeks after we met the BF was on the phone to an old college buddy, telling him about this new love in his life. I was eavesdropping from the next room.
“But is she hot or sexy?” the friend asked.
This was obviously some code.
“She’s really sexy” said BF
Later I asked the BF what he meant by that. “Well, hot is usually about how someone looks or acts, but sexy is who I think you are.”
It is the x factor, without names or labels or standards. It is a deep sea pearl to dive for. It could hit you in the face. It could elude you and keep you guessing forever. It is always satisfying to come upon, especially in the most unexpected places. Everyone has it. Only some know it. Like the woman covered in black from head to toe whose eyes say it all. It stops mattering whether you can pin it down, or wear it.
Beyond body, intellect, culture, it is your self unfurling in the breeze, instinct beyond language, passion as poetry, love as a sensation. As the ancients said, ‘it is the journey, not the destination.’
I sent out an email to my male and female friends of different ages and generations to see what sexy means to a wider range of people. I end with some of their responses….
Sexy is…
the first sight of bare feet at the bottom of blue jeans
how she looks when she wakes up in the morning
cinnamon
the colours of red wine
the sky over Kasauli
a hot shower stinging your skin
lying on the grass in Lodhi Gardens on a winter afternoon, eating oranges with your lover
the word ‘crave’, the word ‘mesmerised’
early morning sex
the sound of a saxophone
eating fruit with your hands (no, being fed fruit by someone else!!)
the first time
the map of Italy
pierced tongues
~
Posted By - 9:34 AM Wednesday 07 December 2005
Comments
For me sexy is being able to sit in silence with your lover and not feeling uncomfortable with the silence.
Posted by
Hi. Its interesting what you say, beacuse i remember as a child the word 'sexy' was used rather losely in my house. My mother who is an interesting combination of a conserve & a liberal, would use the word for just about anything. Like how the little me would tag along with her and an aunt to the market for casual household shopping, and while looking at a 'Crystal' knife, she would suddenly remark: "Isn't it a sexy knife?". That made my brother & me rather immune to the word and we grew up believing that sexy could be anything. Well, soon enough, he realised it wasn't & through his experience, me too. At school, he casually teased one one of his friends whose surname was 'saxena'. In the space of the sacrosanct school library, he retorted to a jibe from the 'saxena' friend, saying: "saxena- sexy, sexy, sexy". Lo! & behold! 'Saxena' reported it to the librarian & my brother was sent on a round from class to class with a placard reading "I Will Behave Myself", hung round his neck. He was particularly sent to my class; the principal wanting to prove a point!!!
This shuffled around things a bit. Considering we were both very young and 'impressionable', we were given some flak by all n sundry but nothing much changed. We grew up undeterred believing that anything could be 'sexy'!!!
P.S-- Sorry for the long comment; it almost reads like a post!
theredcircle
Posted by
Hello red - you shouldnt apologise for a long post, thats what blogs are for. ps: men v welcome!
Posted by
Maya love your writing. Great to make sexuality so readable. Are you a professional writer? You should be.
Well done!
Posted by
sexuality lies in an attitude rather than in an activity..personally, i see it as an artform in human interactive spaces...aesthetic and spiritually elevating...to me all other associations are social creations..
interesting space....
Posted by on December 23, 2005 02:02 PM
Extremely interesting stuff. I haven't seen you in 10years, but after reading your blogs seems like you are well on the path to "finding yourself". Good luck.
P.S. I'd say eating strawberries dipped in chocolate with your significant other is extremely sexy!
Posted by
Hey shema ! - good to see you here. Stick around!
Posted by
Maya
You have truely given me something to think about. The word sexy is so commonly used that i have never pondered over its meaning, or its relevance in context of things that are sexy or for that matter. "What is Sexy"
Hmmmmmmm,I shall now reflect upon this, well, almost new word, cause i am sure it will bring out newer meanings for me now.
Posted by
madhavi,
just felt like responding to your comment with some personal perspectives...
in my opinion, there is absolutely nothing wrong in any situation; the key is for it to be accompanied by awareness of where we come from, our own personal situations. That awareness makes all the difference.the lack of awareness can make us escape and that is not very helpful to oneself.I rememeber a classic eg of ramakrishna withdrawing vivekanada from some social work as it was inhibiting his spiritual growths.The same act can be personal elevating or destructive depending on the presence or absence of awareness.CRY , from what i rememeber of it( a large part of my life i worked fulltime with CRY), factored that people come in with different motivations for their voluntary work and this forms a critical part of the training and orientation aspects there.But when we take the birth of CRY itself, it has its seeds in Rippan Kapur's personal trauma which found creative spiritual resolution through the birth of CRY ; but then having had the privilege of working very closely with him, as an individual he went through his share of struggles.I was there with him when he breathed his last and it was very fulfilling that he was blessed with mystical visions of children playing a couple of days prior to his passing on.The joy he experienced at those visions said it all for me. To me, he was a person who attained that transcendence through his life work, albeit with tremendous struggles.
Your comment just triggered some nostalgia.
Posted by on February 6, 2006 01:02 PM
sorry...that comment may need repositioning to blogspace it belongs to.Tx.
Posted by on February 6, 2006 01:03 PM
Sundar
Thank you.Your comments have been very insightful for me.I now understand my own comment better.
The person and his idea of CRY is great.I truely enjoyed my year with them.
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Hi Maya
You have a great writing style and damn funny. I love the take on all things 'sexy'. I don't think we ever think about it being a range. Good point. Need to really think about it. Good blog!