So no points for guessing what I want to address here today - what exactly is this “Equality” that we keep harping about? Does equality mean the MAN allowing the WOMAN to work after marriage? Does it mean that the MAN takes care of housekeeping while the WOMAN is attending an urgent meeting? Does it mean that the MAN is waking up in the middle of the night to change diapers of the newborn while the WOMAN sleeps peacefully at the end of a long hard day at work?

Well, YES, may be this is equality …………. equality in terms of the rights of a man and a woman. But isn’t it all for the satisfaction of the ego and nothing more than that? Being treated as an equal in a relationship can infuse a feeling of achievement and victory (now I am referring to women here since men have in any case been born with all the rights). Not taking away from the tremendous progress that woman-kind has made over the years in terms of their status in a marriage, I would like to point out that the rate of divorces is an all-time high too. So why do you think that happens? Wasn’t the equality meant to settle the score for us??

Obviously not. There is something that goes much deeper than that………

The other day, I took an auto-rikshaw back home from work and ended up with a driver who talked my ear off throughout the journey. In the midst of his chattering, he suddenly put forth a question to me and that conversation led him to say something that left me dumbstruck. The conversation started off with him asking for my opinion on an issue that he was facing – the predicament being – his brother was insisting that he and his wife move to Mumbai for better work opportunities but the wife simply refuses to go. First I tried to ask him if his wife was working here, to which he said no. Then I asked if he was polite in asking her or was he thrashing her and being all-insensitive about it. This question of mine triggered a rage in him and he was actually complaining about how the wives these days scream and yell even at a mere touch, let alone thrashing and bashing her up. Then he goes on to say (as a means to justify his statement) “after all it’s the duty of the man to beat his wife”.

“Wow!” I thought to myself, “What a skewed view of masculinity!” to him, being masculine is to be able to beat his wife. And not being able to do so makes him feel powerless. Not far behind are the women, whose minds have been grilled with concepts of “feminine” as being delicate and fragile, which doesn’t let them come out of that black hole of insecurities and fears.

The “masculine-feminine” concept that I talk of here is nothing but the SHIVA-SHAKTI amalgamation that has its roots in the Hindu mythology, according to which this spousal pair of shiva-shakti or the yin-yang is the sacred union of opposites. It proclaims that an individual must achieve an inner marriage of their masculine and feminine natures to encounter true balance.

However, bringing this balance is not a snap. People tend to get stuck with social conditioning and twisted definitions of “Masculine” and “Feminine” that are fed into their systems right from when they are knee high to a grasshopper. God help a guy who dares to cry, for he will be stuck with a nickname like “girly” (or something to that effect), that will haunt him for the rest of his life. Similarly, a girl is labeled impudent and not “girl-like” if she says ‘no’ to something that she doesn’t concur with and takes a strong stand for herself. Even when it comes to making career choices, still there are sections of the society, which do not encourage the unconventional roads for girls and boys. For example, a guy with a deep interest in dance or painting will be made to go through a million emotional blackmailing sessions by his parents trying to dissuade him before he can finally breakthrough.

How then, can a man or a woman in this society grow to become the perfect union of masculine and feminine when some pre-conceived notions of the community that he/she lives in, stunt their growth?

Is it not then a possibility that the reason why our behaviour towards the other in a relationship is askew because there are unresolved issues within us that need to be dealt with first? Equality first needs to be attained inside of us. Unless our concepts of masculine and feminine are clear, and we try to bring a balance of the two within us, how can we ever hope to bring a balance with someone outside of us?

All of us are struggling. All of us have our battles to fight. And we get so preoccupied with grappling with relationships with other people that we ignore the one we have with ourselves, which is actually at the root of it all. And so, restoring the relationship of the “man” and “woman” within us could be the first step in resolving most of the issues that we encounter with “the other”.

Your thoughts?