Dear Sunder

Very well said.

You say "violence is not just physical...and either sex is capable of it..." It brough to mind my first exposure to same sex violence. I was in Brighton at a womens conference and walked into a workshop titled Lesbian Domestic Violence. Naive as I was then I thought what they meant was that these were women who had become lesbians because of experiencing domestic violence. Because in my mind I believed then that same sex spaces were probably a reaction to violent heterosexual spaces and therefore were gentle, loving and understanding. How wrong and foolish I was. The group turned out to be one of domestic violence amongst lesbians. The stories were as bad as any and what made them worse I guess was that the 'feminine' was violator and violated both. It shook me to my senses. That was the beginning of a whole new understanding of violence, of women, of patriarchy and of how ultimately no matter what sex we are capable of being agressors because truly violence has nothing to do with belonging to a particular caste, class, gender, educational qualification or whatever else it is that we like to distinguish ourselves by.

love
anusheh

Sundar

Insightful post! There is so much to add but dunno why this morning am nor feeling like talking about DV (must be the fatigue of working on it for a billion years Lol). So will take some time and get back.

Thank You

sure j, ur posts are worth waiting for...

As a rule, a woman's voilence is passive hence less visible, a man's violence is active hence more visible

it is just as a man's private part is more visible than a woman's, more so when aroused...

yet, both complement each other in every way, in every sphere of action...

tx harb for that swell of a perspective...

sometimes i wonder why woman's private part is like 0 and man's like 1. perhaps their secret can reveal many things between man and woman...or in and yang...anyviews anybody...

harb, the saint.

Saint Harb Ji Singh

Good morning to you and Sundar. Verrrry interesting point you raise, feel like writing volumes on it. Anyhow I had promised Sundar I was going to add to his piece so maybe I can put it all together.

However its a sunny, clear sky Sunday in Delhi. Just the bestest weather in Delhi! Deserves a long drive out to eat some parathas in a Dhaba, listening to some cool music in my new four wheel drive and soak in this great wonderous exsitence. So that is where I am off. Shall return and then begin my weave of words.
Ciao all and have a great Sunday morning too.

from where i am now harb, teh saint, i have nothing of any consequence to share in the matter....

jasjit, how i wish technology enables a sharing of parathas as well!!!!

jasjit,

congratulations on the new four wheel drive. what is it? Yes, the whether is bestest here as well and moreover, i too could not come to the computer because some guests have arrived since morning. in fact i was with them in a party last night.

i at least can give you ideas to write more books, besides hundred of others already in your head. though i am more of the opinion that those who can write everything write nothing, just as those who see everything see nothing...or know everything know nothing...perhaps this is also one of the reasons i could not write more than one book. i actually felt, what the hell you can go on writing till eternity..

had plenty of saag and makki di roti otherwise you would have seen water coming to my mouth even from your place on the mention of parathas..

Harb

Saag and Makki ohhhhhh (painful desire!!!) how can that ever match with parathas. And then the saag from the fields, the white butter and the laasi. I am just one big lump of envy and yearning now.

jasjit,

am not a very computer savy but to day got into the punga of creating my own blog...sant ji maharaj ne dunia nu koi gyan tan dena hi hoia na nave nave tarikia nal. just got a few lines into the blog after a hell of a time.. now am going to write...have a look at www.synthesisdesignevolution.blogspot.com

though i dont know for how many days i will carry on..

and you did not tell which is the four wheeler...anyway, not necessary...

Harb very interesting site...am looking forward to the continuation.

love
anusheh

thanks anusheh, i am not very wise in the worldly things. if someothing looks amiss at the blog pl tell me. I have yet not told anybody except here. I will tell others only after jasjit has also commented on it. I feel it is only in this way that I can know what the reader will understand and what not. my previous book was written as if I was sitting many leagues under water with reader farthest from my mind. Now I can at least focus on one, and a lovely one at that lol :) perhaps it too is a way to balance my yin yang...over to jasjit ji if she again is not on tour navein vehicle de chaa vich...

hi whosoever is reading. visit the blog once again as i have made some corrections...

where is our suuukanya??

right here.. quietly absorbing the play... reading, letting all this seep in...

Hi Sukanya

You express the greatest practice! when messages, people, spaces such as these come to our life all we need is the attentiveness to know they are mirrors that Grace has placed befor us to wipe clean the dusty roads of time, the distorted faces of reality and the fear of seeing ourself clearly reflected. Once we are able to see and hear all as the eye of Truth peering down at us only so we can bceome it, the miracle has already begun.

Love and courage for all you endeavour

Yes the miracle has begun... thank you , Jasjit..

To you elders, who are ahead on the Path: bless me that my soul speaks, my heart expands.. that my consciousness evolves into openness and receiving - to all the learning that manifests here.. and that this satsang is blessed..

"The apprentice hacks, and the wood splinters, the Master touches and the wood transforms.."

Seekers all...If touch is to live, please continue to pass on the touch of Masters that you have recieved, so that their touch transforms
lives like mine.

sukanya, you are already the master...

No harbji, please... long long way to go...infinite is the Mystery..

here's something for your perusal in the context of this post..

"The softness of woman, when tempered with hardness, cannot be overcome. The hardness of man, when tempered with softness, cannot be broken.

Strengthen woman with hardness and moving that she may find understanding in water and man; strengthen man with softness and waiting that he may find understanding in earth and woman.

When there balance, man and woman will meet as different equals. He will be to her the strength of waiting water and she will be to him the strength of waiting earth.."

and yet you say that you are not a master...or perhaps this understanding is to pas the test of experience...?I can't match your erudition...shall go and again read your post now...

jasjit is bent upon making me a premature saint while i have yet to learn so much of feminity...my predecessor already died lacking it...

harbji, apologies, truly sorry: these are not my words.. in my enthusiasm i overlooked mentioning that these are from the Tao of relationships...perspectives of practice I undertake or identify with...and have experienced in some measure.. that is why for lack of my own ability to communicate, i post these thoughts and ideas that influence me in handling self, sexuality, desire, violence...

Growing up extremely poor, with no father in the home; there was violence and upheaval to say the least. Five children, like kittens all vying for affections from the one parent. I rather now, in this stage of my life; see us as little kittens on the mother cat; fighting each other for that one teet.

Does the mother cat not teach her kittens?

I grew up believing my mom was cold-hearted. My siblings(4) and I would fight and argue a lot. It was seldom quiet at home. WE had the worst verbal fights, name-calling the whole things. WE physically hurt each other too, as well as pretty good beatings from Mom - they were few, but it happened. lol

I hated her for a short time. It was an elder relative whom told me one day, around fourteen that I should not judge my Mom's actions, until I learn what "made her" that way. huh?

So, I did. I learned my Mom's mother died when she was six. She and her sister and little brother were made to go live in a Catholic Orphange where they were beaten, and abused(not sexually) and became child slaves to chores.

One normal beating was; being strapped into a chair, feet/legs UP and strapped, straight out. Then, the child was beaten at the bottom of the feet! This is done there, so when visitors came, they did not see markings of abuse.

To this day, my Mom cannot stand being touched on the feet. This was done to my Mom at age six, when she heard her little brother screaming in horror! She ran to the voice, flung open the door, and there was a nun, rubbing a urine-dripping bed-sheet in his face calling him pig! pig! pig! She attacked the nun(I would have too.)

What I am aiming at, is - IF the mother cat does not teach her kittens how to control, and how to manage inherent human emotions, they are doomed to learn to harbour anger and hatred, needing and wanting always being "right" and smartest, best, etc.

Life becomes for them, more a game of aggression and assertion for control in an animalistic sense, not humanly, and less giving and sharing; more taking.

Then, my Mom and sibs, after a time spent there, went to live with an Auntie, widowed and already had a large family and took in a neighbour boy whom was abandoned by his mother, to my Mom's Aunt!

Yeah, the mom had 7 kids, asked the Auntie to watch John for a few hours and she never came back. Never called about her son, not once! He was the baby of that family.

Hence, John was adopted by my great-Auntie Blanche, already burdened alone with lots of kids and poor, and sickly. John was the pampered baby of the family; he grew up humble and appreciative; was made to always feel loved. He is wealthy, and never forgets his humble beginnings, and the love lavished in that house, but also the hard work; and family-group chores, to make it all work. My great-Auntie was adored.

These children, at ages of 4-6 were made to physically slave for a living at the nun's convent/orphanage. There was NO such thing, as much play-time, let alone learning time, and it was discouraged to find your siblings there to spend time with!

Washing had to be hand-scrubbed on scrub-boards, hung, taken down, all pressed and ironed, put away. Cooking to be done, veg to chop, water to haul, wood to chop, etc.

It was not until I was made to understand my mother's "ways" and her "upbringing" that I was able to support her pain with her, in silent ways.

I cherish being able to talk to her about it the past years. I have learned so much about her.

So, my point is that we must always realize - abuse is a learned, or failed-to-unlearn our human emotions; on whomever raise us.

How to undo 50 years of behaviour, in less time it took, to perfect the distorted, ways?

How to re-nourish and encourage a new growth from a person like my Mom, whom knows no other way? Whew!

Well, I learned to duck(smiles). I learned to always be aware, perfected walking on egg shells; and more than anything, perfected a wry humour; which often changed a bad situation into a hilarious one. I learned to be the clown! Everyone loved clowns, nobody hit them, or hurt them, or blah blah.

Get it? we inherently "learn how" to self-defend.

I became a poet, writing deep thoughts and wisdoms beyond my comprehension and years. My sibs loved it. I learned to laugh, to imitate celebrity comics. I learned to sing, dance to be a clown, the jester. I was good at it.

I chose to learn that; rather than learn how to retaliate with abuse of any kind; but, I never feared to self-defend if humour failed. How did I manage the pain? I played assertive sports like soccer, fastball, handball, volleyball, basketball. This is in large part, much physical joint and tendon pains today. lol

today, I don't allow any form of negative vibes in my life if I could help it; going so far as to disconect from abusive type friends whom always made me feel small and bad about myself; and an alchoholic brother. He is mentally, and emotionally still an angry boy in a man's body.

To be frank and honest; he's doomed to his drink. He is married to an addictions councelor/suicide councilor - and even she, after 3 years cannot help him. He is very abusive to everyone!! Verbally, and if real bad day; physically.

He turns into what I called: The Drill Sargeant

Just the look in his face, could make a person P in their clothes. That's what my brother perfected.

He'll fling a table upside down in fits of anger in a conversatin; he'll throw something across the room, blah blah. He was the baby of the family; and stayed in that mental state. he was a terror by age four.

In July, it was directed towards my then sixteen year old son. I disconnected from him at that day! I will not let my son, swim in my brothers dark world to be a young new victim. uh uh!

Now, I"m the bitch of the family, not forgiving my blood, my brother. I said, when he forgives himself and quits drinking; I'll forgive him then. I can't take this abuse no more.

this year was our first family holidays apart. I can't tell you, the hell it was, being made to feel it was "my fault" for not being forgiving the bro. huh? when does he start asking MY forgiviness for 49 years of HIS abuse?

So, I protect myself and my son. I can't laugh no more, I forget how! I can't dance, too old, and about 10 pounds too heavy now, to fly(giggles.) I can't sing longer than a few minutes, and it was one of my passions! My esophagus is well, ruined too, so there went that.

So, being as I can no longer do, what I learned to do, to survive aggression and abuse in the world from abusive people, not just family; I left home at age eighteen; I have now, been learning to detach from "bad people" whom do not have good intentions to heart.

Well, I hope I was able to put a perspective into the world/lives of dysfunctional people/family; as a learned behaviour, and also as an ill-fated teaching of the parent, in emotional management.

In my Mom's case, I learned at fourteen the reality. Mom was doomed to never change her coldness. It was too late. She showed love sure; what I mean by cold is, it was hard for her to show love, affection, hugging, cuddling, etc. Tehre were too many of us kittens, and with her history; was impossible for her to give what she did not learn how to give.

I further hope, that no-one takes it to construe that I am completely a mind-puddle of mush either! Society paints me as a "poor you" I paint me as "wow! I went through that, and I can talk about it all and laugh, cry and move on with little re-action."

It would only further insult my experience, my distance walked, since childhood; the distance I must yet face; if people were to condemn me to a "poor you" label.

(wink and a smile)

North

Sukanya

Your power to touch the mystery reflects the power to penetrate it. Knowing where to seek the door is just a step away from discovering it.

Harb Ji

was I declaring you a saint? I thought you had signed yourself as one (lol). Yes the feminine within you awaits discovery and knowing that is enough to discover it.

Jasjit, you said to Sukyana:

"Sukanya Your power to touch the mystery reflects the power to penetrate it. Knowing where to seek the door is just a step away from discovering it."

Awesome, Jasjit!

North

Dear North
You are the 'wow' daughter, mother, sibling and woman. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

And yet when I read the saga that you share here and elsewhere I am moved by the strength that you carry in that little corner of your heart which allows you to endure and rise over and over again. wonder if you ever read Myth of Sissiphys by Albert Camus!

The important message though is to know that through three generations the feminine has been wasted/throttled. Your grandmother, mother and now you have had to carry the continum of crippled feminine roles. The healing lies there North, the fear of loving and nurturing first yourself then others, the fear of trusting through the heart of being vulnerable. Once broken through that block you will soar through three skies of liberation- for the ones past and the ones to come.

Love and hugs

Dear Jasjit, I have not read that book, no; is it a worthy read?

Yes, and tragicly yet; my view of my femininity is wife/mother. I never, in my life Jasjit wanted more than that? I never harboured career dreams or the like; until early 40's when I returned to college.

and you are correct, and I concur what is needing viewing, in the self-love and self-nurturing departments.

Further I add; with my son, I have excelled beyond the compounding effects of three generational mal-learned emotional behavioural patterning.

However, I do lack the ability to encourage and praise more, his minor accomplishements. My son and I have discussed this rather maturely as a matter of fact.

So, I have made a difference; and I have severed the tie of abuse at least as far as my son is concerned. I taught him all facets of emotions from an early age; often if timing was right; pointing out to him, what/why he was feeling what he was.

today, he is pretty smart; struggled with esteem in early puberty as most teens, but because we are always so open in our talk of life, love, death and angers, etc. he felt quite comfortable talking to me, even if it was something negative about me. lol I am so glad, that elderly relative taught me, to learn of my Mother; because in teaching my son, MY ways; he understood my lacking skills; and we both work on improving them together. lol

I know his one big anger is being poor. lol He has a girl whom has a car, he doesn't. I remind him; it's his ego-need, not reality! lol

North

Dear North,

thank you for enriching us with all you share. It resonates with me - "the poor you" and the "wow, I managed that..".

No one and nothing can force us, or impose the "poor you" label.. I have hated it and fought it all my life..

Also, when people cannot make out what makes me tick, can't figure out or put me within the confines of a definition.. out comes .."poor you"..

I believe we are blessed.. in the words of Gibran.."pain breaks open the shell of understanding.."

sundar, anusheh: the anger triggers deep, subtle indirect violence, it does in me.. i know how anger , frustration and even the poor you arrows would unleash the beast of anger in me, lot of which didnt get expressed and got transformed into subtle violence against self.. at one point i recognized the pattern.. craving, tantrums, anger, guilt...and then self flagellation..

once i was able to identify the patterns, i am just beginning to experience the other side...healing.

North,

"I remind him; it's his ego-need, not reality!"

What a wonderful message you have given to him and to us. Thank you

Harb

Indeed the books that need get written and those that don't matter not. Placing our thought and speech wherever it is meant to flow is all its about. Existence takes care of the rest. Will go through your blog carefully and respond later.

Right now I want to get back to your question about 0 and 1 and spill the words which were once meant to take the form of a book perhaps (lol) but now they will create their own karma right here.

You have stated a unique and composite way of tying in the masculine/feminine. Purusha/Prakriti also defined by 1 and 0 respectively.

One as the Purusha principle which is indivisble, observable, singular, uncontested, essential and finite. Power, assertion, clear, definable and unsubsumable are the characteristics then of purusha.

Prakriti comes as the origin hence zero comes first- zero is the mystical number hence gifted to the world by India- zero as the Yin principle is mysterious, completing, undefinable therefore carying the potential of infinity. Zero (the infinite feminine potential) when added to an integer(defined value number) increases its potential exponentially. And when an integer is divided by zero the answer is infinity (any number of possibilities) because the Purusha when placed as a factor of Prakriti takes on infinite outcomes.

This in a nutshell is the entire mysterious play between Purusha and Prakriti, zero and one, Yin and Yang and the masculine and feminine.

Incomplete within, the search outside for complementing (coupling) is obsessive. We can call it sexual union,/desire/love/passion but it is fuelled in a manifest form by bio-chemic triggers, at the level of the heart by emotional waves and at the level of the soul by the great urge for experiencing Oneness.

If understood with depth, one can trace every sexual pattern of attraction(same sex/opposite sex/kind of person etc) as the composite mind/heart/soul combo gravitating to its energy opitimum. Judgement can be dropped and analysis used instead to see what the outer attraction is mirroring within us.

Now with the D.V piece I just want to add that the combinations in our marital( stronger karma than other love realtionships) arrangements in fact reflect(mirror) the nature of our own mas/fem selves. Violent, irresponsible, cruel, sexually flighty mates are signals to what is being pointed to within us. This is a hard truth to engage in (harder for one such as me to articulate having worked on DV for so many years as men versus women etc) because we need to take responsibility for all that is being done to us. But twisted as this may sound the truth is quite fascinating. Reflecting unerringly the Purusha /Prakriti principle.

You see in conclusion I want to add ( this is already so long and turgid I think) that since the entire Universe and all its parts are part of the same unified energy principle. Bi-polarity being one of the uniform patterns of the energy (amongst other such as revolutions and rotations etc) it points to a value neutral truth also of the nature of the flow. Negative /positive principles FACILITATE the flow of the energy or in karmic terms creates action/reaction and the wonderful play of all life. However the underlying force of the energy current constantly pulls towards optimizing its flow and hence seeking unity of Yin/Yang (within also the highest state of non-duality) is the undercurrent of our soul's natural desire. Sexual attraction, love relationships are all attempts to complete that union, acting as triggers of attraction/repulsion to finally turn us towards the greatest alchemy- the union within.

Jasjit no wonder people in love say "I wouldn't be complete without you." and people who have come out of a relatinship gone wrong "I feel complete."

North

No the book is not a must just a wonderful existential insight into the burdens which must be carried up the same hill, sometimes over and over again.

You do well with your son and I read he is a Scorpio so his water energy is receptive and absorbing of your nurturance too.

In rearing him with care and effort there is so much you heal in the little North too. It's a great pattern broken and a space reclaimed of our own childhood when we stretch ourselves for our children and break a pattern in doing so.

Well Done!

totally agree with you, jasjit when you say that " This is a hard truth to engage in, we need to take responsibility for all that is done to us.Twisted that it may sound, it is all very fascinating"...sometimes the best and most perceptive of us forget this, even as we talk of it and direct our energies in criticising and judging events or their perpetuators against us...to me, it has always been pertinent that events occur in my life, as a manifest of my own inner states of being...the external agencies are mere media of manifests..

"pain breaks open the shell of understanding" what a beautiful line from gibran, sukanya...to me, life has been about my abilities to meet pain, not in bits and pieces but rather fundamentally...understanding the nature of pain has been a great breakthrough in awareness realms in personal spaces...

well said jasjit, a learned discourse.

mere matter energy thing at the end though. energy always trying to convert matter into energy and matter always trying to convert energy into matter. always united yet always working at cross purposes. but then so the game of life goes on and on and on.

Thank You Harb

Indeed you add the right ending. all about the play of energy into matter and vice versa