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Connecting The Dots…
By Jasjit Purewal - 4:24 PM Monday 13 February 2006
This piece has been inspired by the thread on Obsessions. Especially, the questions on the line between healthy, single-mindedness and neurotic obsession. Are they really the same, or is there an intrinsic difference, which defines one as the virtue of the king-maker and the other as the profile of a maniac?
This is the story of a woman who synchronistically entered my life some 20 years ago, only to reveal during my years of spiritual practice what I owed her. I am going to name her Aunty M.
I would like to use these wonderful lines of Nagarjuna as a premise for my illustration.
“The dharmas taught by buddhas
Hinge on two truths:
Partial truths of the world
And truths which are sublime.
Without knowing how they differ,
You cannot know the deep;
Without relying on conventions,
You cannot disclose the sublime;
Without intuiting the sublime,
You cannot experience freedom. “ - Nagarjuna
Let us consider that ‘partial truths of the world ‘ here refer to obsessions and the path of the Self as ‘truths, which are sublime’. And for revealing the rest of this paragraph I am using a true story, of someone I know and love. The story is a bit long but I take literary licence in the hope that the details will help reveal the games/ coffers/roots of the mind and its obsessions.
“The dharmas taught by buddhas Hinge on two truths:
Partial truths of the world And truths which are sublime”
Introduction: I found Aunty M accidentally, in a low-income tenement where I was searching for someone. She opened the door of her one-bedroom house, white haired, sparse-toothed (even then) frail, tall, wide set intense eyes and forehead, which shone distinctly. She insisted I have a cup of tea and began to uncharacteristically tell me her life story. Of modest means, she and her husband had a decent life and two children whom she described ‘godly, well-mannered and happy’. When her daughter was 18 she complained one day of a stomach ache, which soon grew into a fever, within 24 hours the doctors hospitalized her and the next day she died of irreversible hepatitis B. Her son helped the family cope, and had just begun working when he complained of intense headaches, which revealed a malignant tumour in his brain. He wasted away to a painful death within the next 3 months, in the arms of his shattered mother some two years after his sister’s death. Stunned and disoriented by this woman’s dry-eyed tale I then sat through her long history of being God-fearing, ‘obsessed’ with prayer, beholden to God since she was a little child. Aunty M became my first real ‘obsessive’ question on what indeed was Divinity all about. So for me she came to seed the karma of my intense question “why is there so much suffering?”
Aunty M’s Background: Born to affluent parents in Pakistan, they were one of the tragic tales of partition where the family literally walked for miles with nothing, to reach Amritsar as marauders and murderers raged after the hapless convoys. She was then 13, accompanied by many siblings and her parents. Her heartbroken mother died on the way and they hardly had a proper place to cremate her as the rains and floods added to those terrible times. The family got separated in the melee of floods and riots and then started the long wait in Amritsar refugee camps waiting to reunite. Meanwhile Aunty M starts this strange ‘obsession’ with God. As a teenage girl, awakening at 4a.m every morning, visiting the Golden Temple, swabbing the inner sanctum, copious prayers, chants at home, visiting the temple every evening, performing elaborate rituals. She became totally subservient to the whole family, never asked for anything nor lost her temper or ‘distressed’ anyone in anyway. This ‘angelic’ young woman, was then married to a man of modest means whose mother and family ‘terrorized’ her but she continued to endure all in her quiet beatific way, undettered from her day long spiritual rituals and prayer through it all. The husband finally acquiesced, gave up meat and alcohol, realized he was married to a sage like woman and conceded to her elaborate rituals as well as her ‘spiritual’ influence over the children.
After the death of the children, though her frail health kept her from Herculean spiritual tasks, she seemed to be quite anchored to her daily practices. Meanwhile I had sort of adopted her emotionally and keep in touch with her, forever amazed at her ability to smile, laugh, be generous and rarely speak about her tragedy. I was also struck by her fine intelligence, which belied her milieu and she was one of the few who could comprehend the rather esoteric and complex teachings of Rishi Vashisht, whose ‘granth’ she carried nearly in her head. Then came the next test for us all, after a few years of knowing her, her husband just keeled over one day and died, leaving her totally alone. I was abroad at the time we were briefly separated for a few years during which I could not track her. She later told me she had suffered a complete breakdown, walked the roads like mad woman, until a relative took her to a ‘shaman ’ and after an intense ‘purification’ of two years she was restored and we were in touch again.
“Without knowing how they differ, You cannot know the deep”
Her Obsessions:
a) Manic about sacred and profane, pure and impure. Her spiritual rituals were rife with elaborate purification rules, she herself would not let an animal touch her if she had bathed (my dog for instance), would NEVER eat in any house where meat had ever been cooked, therefore never ate at hotels etc. This was in complete contrast to her subtle insight about Truth, the world as play and all being part of creation.
b) Compulsive about repeating stories about her children as angelic souls, here to finish their karma and many dreams and holy men had told her they were in heaven.
c) An intense fear of ‘wronging’ anyone, displeasing any kind of sadhu or spiritual person and an obsessive need to check with me if her ‘actions’ were ‘right’.
“Without relying on conventions, You cannot disclose the sublime”
The Malady: I could not bridge the gap between her refined ‘spiritual’ insights (and many were indeed amazing) her visible gifts and the drone of her ritual/sacred/profane self which revealed a huge chasm. Most perplexing, was the fact that a woman who had spent some 60 years in intense ‘bhakti’ lost her whole family, lived a dignified life, was a person assailed with intense and often absurd fear.
In the midst of my practice, she came to stay with me. However I began to focus on something very strange. For a few years now, I had noticed that suddenly she would begin a deep spasm like breathing, which would wrack her whole body and sometimes seemed more like a seizure. It would stop just as suddenly and she would be exhausted. The sound during the spasms would be exactly like a frenetic, deep sighing.
This one time the spasms became more frequent. Since I had placed her on a practice I began to worry about their source. She denied knowing what triggered them but now her ageing body (she was 74) was paying a high price.
Knowing that she had never accompanied her children and husband to their funerals, I decided to guide her into death meditations asking her to perform detailed closure rituals with each. Completely to her credit was the intensity with which she followed my guidance, even though her eyes looked fear stricken. A whole day was spent, she wept for hours and finally at night told me she felt like a stone had shifted off her chest and the lightness was immense.
But right after dinner, the spasms started and this time with a terrifying intensity. I was perplexed. However next morning, guidance came in the form of a dream. She said she saw me standing in her room, prising open an old chest while she looked on. In the chest as I remove old bric-a-bracs and useless things and suddenly a corpse like figure (hers) rises from the bottom, hair wild, eyes full of anger and a body crackling with rage. She sees the figure and steps back in fear shouting to me ‘shut the witch, don’t let her escape’. I then asked her if anyone had ever called her a ‘witch’ in childhood and she immediately denied it saying everyone had always been loving and kind.
Unconvinced, I spent a whole day prodding her early childhood and after much persuasion this is what we found : When she was born an older brother, who was the apple of her mother’s eye, died within six months of her birth. The anguished mother rejected her and handed her over to a widowed maasi(mother’s sister) who lived with them to be brought up. As she grew up she often heard herself being referred to as the ‘witch’ who ‘ate up her brother’ by many women including her mother. Aunty M was however finding it very difficult to admit to me that her mother had said those words. She became a quiet ‘eager-to-please’ child who then frequented spiritual places to ‘become more pure’. When her mother died en route to India she had feared that she would somehow be blamed. At the death of her daughter, the past returned to haunt. When her son died, she was convinced it was her again and admitted that when everyone left for the creamatorium she had slapped herself blue in the face saying ‘witch are you happy you ate your children’.
I would like to add here that to get her to tell me this took me nearly 24 hours of persuasion, hugging and assuring her. Finally when her husband died, she said that the breakdown happened because often at night she would wake up and slap her face and scream “witch are you now happy that you have eaten everyone.” During this recount, the spasms came frequently though their intensity began to wane as she neared the end of her story.
Freedom At last: Finally I knew what she needed to do. Over the next few days, I made her revisit her childhood and search for the tiny child whom, she was startled to see as a baby in her lap wanting to be suckled. She then recalled that her mother had refused to breast-feed her after the brother’s death. Peculiar as the practice of guided meditation may have seemed to her, sheer trust in me helped her make the breakthrough. She let the past flow out of her (in her words it was like a black liquid) accepted the pain/hurt/mistrust/shame of the child. She forgave the little girl, loved and reassured her, forgave herself and all others who had damaged her psyche so deeply.
The Miraculous: That evening, after three days of intense healing of her childhood, she suddenly walked out of my meditation room. Her eyes were clear and a strange powerful light radiated from her face. She ran to embrace me and started to bow. Stunned I asked her what had happened. She said as she finished her last meditation and felt her inner child resting peacefully in her arms she entered a deep meditation. When she opened her eyes she was shocked to realize she was nearly three feet off the ground, suspended in mid-air. She could not feel her body until it slowly came to rest back on the ground. Having never seen anyone levitate, I have to say I too was speechless. But what a beautiful way for truth to intervene and tell her, the baggage was gone, she was now free to fly.
Aunty M, never had a single spasm ever again, her rituals all dropped off quietly, she no longer thinks about pure/impure and accepts all as it is. She has entered a deep silence in her being, her obsessive stories have gone, she rarely mentions her children and the central obsession for the ‘Sacred’ is no longer there. In acceptance of herself she has accepted all, the karma of death no longer haunts her. “I know now finally that only Truth is God, and there is nowhere to seek it but within.”
“Without intuiting the sublime, You cannot experience freedom”
Posted By Jasjit Purewal - 4:24 PM Monday 13 February 2006
Comments
Hello All,
This is how I could make a link between the childhood experiences that are the cause of so many things that happen to us as we grow. Whether the experiences were "good" or "bad" - is only a logical outcome of our rethinking or subjectification of the experience.
This piece compells me to think on how every li'l interaction with any child leaves a "Bookmark" on the pages of his/her vulnerable childhood. How our Parents, siblings, relatives & everyone we remember thru our lives have left their own impressions on our hearts / minds.
No matter how subtle it be, we might remember it (with an inability, at times, to reason why we remember it).
It is so strange that I remember that stranger - a skinny, poor, old man - who just smiled at me, when I was walking home from school holding someone's finger. But I don't seem to remember whose finger was it that I was holding that day. My elder Sister (Didi)? or My Mother?
To this day I may not know why he smiled at me, but thinking of it makes me smile too and i feel some lightness and so detached. I have always felt like making someone happy whenever I think of him.
I felt like saying this because I now see a link between the effects of our childhood experiences on our adulthood & our personalities.
Thus, making it easier for us to understand the ways how not to give a child a "bad" experience which may be harmful for him/her when he grows up.
Posted by
nice , deep posting jasjit...was reminded of some words that have played a crucial role for me; it is easy to wake up a man who is asleep but impossible to do so with someone who pretends to be asleep.
Posted by on February 14, 2006 07:13 AM
Good Morning Surya Prakash
Thank you for the smiles and the kind words. Yes indeed this is a strange story as is Autnty M's presence in my life. Many like her became great teachers of the many faced Truth that I was out to search on my Path. And for that I too am always grateful to her and others like her. Frankly as I wrote this the wonder and power of her story came back with a new force.
You are dot on about childhood and your insights are deep. Indeed all hardwiring happens in that critical period and releasing that child to its spontaneous, joyful core is what any and every wisdom path is really about. Calling it healing the inner child is perhaps the most accurate.
I was watching a T.V. programm on Sri Sri Ravi Shankar yesterday and all he emphasised was that there is a little child in all of us who just wants to be free to play and laugh in this world. Freeing him/her to do that is what Divinity is all about. Simple and right to the core!
Posted by
Sundar I'm nor sure if you are referring to her being 'deliberately' asleep. Quite the contrary. Her life was a great effort to escape the anger and distortion that was carved into her. I think the point I am trying to make is that despite an alomost obsessive desire to access the sacred/spiritual the trigger (her perception of being evil/impure) was not being addressed as an emotion/fear/rage. Mantras, chants, cannot do that. Only self-referral can! Traditional systems do not emphasise that enough and then again most people do not know how to enter the depth of their own mind. More importantly what was evident in her case is that the real fears/hurt get buried so deep, one is so ashamed of admitting them that they never get resolved. These are the true coffers of the mind abyss from where the stench of obsessions rise.
Also I think most people assume that a million pilgrimages/mantras/austerities will just cleanse all. Unfortunately they cannot. This one critical Truth was such a powerful gift from her to me. I know people talk of how things just happen in the scheme of things. Unfortunately not. Awareness is the only key
Posted by
tx jasjit...i just connected in a parellel universe ..was not with reference to her...totally agree, awareness is the only key...but in a related connect, maybe it is those austerities or whatever in a unitedness of all that is, enable your manifest in her life and facilitate her breakthrough
Posted by on February 14, 2006 09:13 AM
Dear Jasjit,
At the outset congrats on the awe-inspiring piece.The "long story" was totally worth all the reading..(read it once-twice and then again).The way you dealt with Aunt M was really inspiring.
Frankly its remarkable to see the deep understanding you have about the subtle truths of life.
I have started my journey too on that road to discovery..as a beginner my level of appreciating these Truths still demands a lot of thinking and introspecting..So may be my interpretations might sound too simplistic or naive.
the same question “why is there so much suffering?”...has been plaguing me since long..Law of Karma,Purushartha,Prarabdha and so many other things have been put forth as an explanation ..but i am yet to be 100% convinced.
Some say Our Past Actions determine our Present and so on.And by past it does not necessarily mean in this life..i wonder if that be the case then the sufferrer should also know why is he suffering ?? I mean if he is not aware what his present predicament is all about , he will tend to feel Victimised !! and that is the perception in most cases !! You can't go upto him and tell him its your Prarabdha and stuff like that!!
Looking for some clarity on these issues!!
Posted by
Dear Jasjit,
cant find the words ... just makes one want to sit back and think. All I can say right now is that hope we can all learn to connect the dots and then disconnect.
Good Morning everyone!
Posted by
Jasjit I'm lost for words. Both your and anusheh's posts have been such insightful ones. I wish you could have healed Aunty M much earlier. She carried so much pain in her for so long.
Jasjit, Prasun I've sometimes wondered what it would be like if I could remember my past life/lives? What if I knew that in my past life I lived a very luxurious life while in this life I live on the streets? Wouldn't that be more distressing?
Posted by
Dear Prasun
Thank You. Nothing naive about your interpretations and questions, I remember a very similar thought process set me off on my journey.
The truths I am about to share have come from my long, arduous quest and not from texts and teachings but finally from the great cosmic source which lies within, awaiting connectivity. We are all a continum of consciousness. the body takes form into this world bringing with it sets and clusters of energy which float in the cosmic scheme are hooks of return to the world of desire. Usually one body brings a set of clusters, which means rebirth is not entirely of one being but a set of energy clusters, uniting to script a specific kind of life. That is the most scientific formula of what re-birth entails. Some like say His Holiness the Dalai lama or Osho, Krishnamurti etc bring one dominant cluster with a specific purpose and hence seem less riddled with contradictions/suffering/upheavels of life.
For most of us, the various clusters in effect set up the dance of peaks and valleys which we know as our life. The being arranges his/her cluster knowing the dominant hooks which bring them back in manifest form. The idea simply being, to help refine each cluster(hence the whole package called the being) to its highest potential. Since we all die with many unresolved dreams/desires/angst/rage the cluters we bring back, also come as a package. Once birth happens our memory of the exact nature of the clusters and the purpose we chose them is erased. Instead what we are given is the mind (since that placed them there in the first place)to undo if you will what we created in the first place. In the Vedic philosophy this self is encoded at the muladhar (root chakra) of our being. Anyone interested in seeing the whole story need only practice meditation at that chakra intensely and I can guarantee(from my own work) the picture is apparent.
Alternatively (if you do not have access to Vedic wisdom) the clusters make their presence clear by constantly becoming patterns of our 'great challenges'. They are the ones that bring strife/suffering/fear/helplessness into our lives. And the key is 'recurringly'. The patterns recur because they are asking us to look at them and find the key within.
Unconscious living disallows us that insight/wisdom and we spin like rats on a wheel trapped in the same cycles.
Just to share some 'secrets' of Aunty M's path as an illustration. Her purity of intent and arduous spiritual work gave her access to many interesting visions. The unfortunate part was that her fear and underlying low self-esteem barred her from accessing the finer messages. For instance she had 'seen visions' many times that she was a renowned ascetic in a past life who was 'stuck' in mocking 'maya' 'love' and 'realtionships'. That is why when I knew her I was always perplexed by the great wisdom and insight I saw in her and the complete downside of her 'base' attachments to fear and rituals. The point was that relationships, family was the past life ascetic's central 'block'. His lack of 'acceptance' of maya as the great play forced this cluter to return as a woman (hence stuck in family/emotion/relationships)and death and separation was brought back repeatedly in her life to help her break through that maya with understanding. She however (because of the brutal shocks of childhood) could not release that one obsessive fear/self-hate. The interesting thing about her journey is/was that despite being able to CLEARLY grasp the play of life and death at a mind level, she did not know how to heal the emotion of loss.
Which is why she levitated. You see all these acts appear miraculous to people but little do we realize that they are just scientific ways of TRUTH manifesting its messages. The 'lifting off' the ground was the clearest indication she needed to know 'that' which had also held-her-down. And it indeed hit home. The change and transcendence after that is so remarkable in her Self that all questions and struggles have just disappeared at one blow. The ascetic cluster has completed his karma (though it took 74 years of struggling)and she is now in the higher realms of her journey.
Sorry it got a bit long but the earnestness of your quest I guess triggered it. Hope this helps somewhat.
Love
Posted by
Dear Chaitali,
Thanks !! Your post has given a new perspective/dimension ! What a fascinating learning curve this blog is turning out to be.
Still it could be either ways ! To take an example..
I study hard for an exam and still fail,then i feel i have every right to complain..Why Me ?
whereas i dont study and i fail !! I will know I deserve it !!No complains.
In either case i know what i deserve or dont deserve !!
Now the point you raised.."What if I knew that in my past life I lived a very luxurious life while in this life I live on the streets". If we beleive our past actions are responsible for the present,then i tend to believe that just an act of leading a luxurious life in the past will be no reason why i should suffer NOW. There must be something more to it.And if i know that i lead a luxurious life in past..i will also know what wrongs i did which has resulted in my present misery.
seeking answers !!
Posted by
Dear Jasjit
Now what do i say..well i am the third person today to be at loss of words..(after Shubhosree & Chaitali).
Your post was such an eye-opener , though i must admit i had to go through it atleast thrice to get the crux of the matter.."Conscious Living". Never has the earnestness of my quest been met with such direct answers !! I am truly indebted to you.
Regards
Posted by
Jasjit,
"Once birth happens our memory of the exact nature of the clusters and the purpose we chose them is erased. Instead what we are given is the mind (since that placed them there in the first place)to undo if you will what we created in the first place."
But why erase all memories? Is it 'coz we need to go through our journey of pain and suffering to eventually heal and break out of it??
Hi Prasun! Welcome back :)
Posted by
Hi Everyone,
Jasjit: I'm trying to keep that young buddy (my childhood self) right besides me thru my journies. Thanks for these words:
"there is a little child in all of us who just wants to be free to play and laugh in this world. Freeing him/her to do that is what Divinity is all about.". I must admit though that it's quite difficult to balance his playful, simplistic attitude which counters my usual, seeking self. Actually, I feel we all should work towards creating a harmony, a true friendship between the "two of our selves".
I wish that everyone's journey through each peak & valley (of life) is full of knowledge. I don't see anyone as a beginner. I see it as - catching the bus when we're ready.
Hi Chaitali:
You said: "I wish you could have healed Aunty M much earlier". My very first emotion said the same.
But somehow I had another thought that maybe she was meant to go through all those [74 yrs] + [many in past lives]. I also tend to think of it as a "delay", it is the experiences I see she had in all those yrs. It is only after all those yrs of pain & suffering, that her newly-found levitated-self is so happy & content with the inner joy of having seen all those times.
Something that I feel like connecting to the "bus" above. Maybe she hadn't found the means to reach here until Jasjit entered her realms. Maybe Jasjit had to be "the means", the "bus".
And yes, most of us are faced with the same questions at some point in life about our past lives. But after reading what Jasjit "shared some 'secrets'" about Aunty M, I could somehow see that our actions & thoughts have an unknown root. Could these be "the link"?
And I would also like to believe that you are more privileged than many of us on this blog to be a part of this 'bus' called IFSHA.
Shubhosree & Jasjit:
Please count me in with Shubhosree's last Question.
Respects everyone.
Posted by
Dear Shubhosree
Was missing in(blogging)action for last few days.
Was in Kolkata representing my Organisation in a National Management quiz and surprisingly we managed to secure 3rd place amongst 31 top notch Corporate Teams.Still clueless how we managed that :-)
And ya its good to be back.
Posted by
Prasun,
Hey, Congratulations to you and your team! So thats what the 'touring' was all about :)
Hi Surya Prakash,
well, the IFSHA 'bus' is at the blog stop, so hop on!
Posted by
Congrats Prasun!
Dear Shubhosree,
Glad to accept the invite. :)
I can see it has & will continue to take us to many unseen places thru its journey.
Thanks.
Posted by
Chaitali, Shubz, Prasun and Surya Prakash
To answer the question of 'erasing memory'. I feel a good starting point is to look at the entire cosmos/creation as an Intelligent Design with an infinite order. Every aspect then has a scientific purpose to allow other aspects to be. Only in our state of confusion/suffering do we think all is mysterious and disorderly. To use Sri Ravishankar's message again, I love his idea of 'art of living'. Indeed living is an art which needs studying and healing/spiritual quest/wisdom should be then seen merely as schools that perfect us in the art of living.
Once understood we realize that instead of being some mysterious dark memory, our past lives are indeed present in all that we are/think/yearn/seek in this life. And that is their only specific purpose. For instance a seed grows to be a sapling, a plant and then flowers. Once the flowers wither the seed cycle begins anew. A withered sapling or un-flowering plant cannot create the new seed. It is pointless then for it to wonder/eulogize the time when it was a seed. The only journey before it which makes any sense is to grow to flowering and that requires looking ahead.
So yes Surya Prakash, the links come from the past and in fact pen this particular script that we know as our life. If we learn the art of reading this life accurately, past lives wither into the illusion that they in fact are.
Shubz if the 'erasing' did not happen imagine the confusion we would cause by hurtling back to the links we left behind. Compulsively we would seek out past scenarios, wreaking havoc for all concerned. But more importantly, death is transformation/renewal. A chance at bringing back the same hooks with different permutations and combinations to facilitate our flowering. Now imagine, we who cannot let go of the past of this life, would we ever see re-birth as renewal. No siree we would whine and pine it all into a great stagnating mess.
Posted by
Prasun
Congratulations for the win and I have to say your ability to hit the essence of my long(convoluted) expliques is quite remarkable.
Surya Prakash
You are a rare one to keep the 'little guy' and his happiness in such clear focus. How can he not be flowering and blossoming with such attention? Just to add, ultimately non-duality comes when both merge-the spontaneous, innocence of our pristine self and the skilled, intelligence of the world-crafted self. then there is no struggle for balance. All is one, synthesized play.
Posted by
'...the clusters make their presence clear by constantly becoming patterns of our 'great challenges'. They are the ones that bring strife/suffering/fear/helplessness into our lives. And the key is 'recurringly'. The patterns recur because they are asking us to look at them and find the key within.'
Jasjit thank you for making it so clear. You are right we just don't see the patterns and keep whining about why is this happening only to me.
Dearest Surya Prakash,
I think more than being a privileged one on this 'bus', its more of a privilege for me to be on the 'bus' with all you bloggers.
Shubz,
To me this blog is like the 'magic' bus in Harry Potter!
Posted by
"Compulsively we would seek out past scenarios"
I guess in that case, all of us would have one obsession in common - seeking the past!
Thanks Jasjit for that in-depth explanation.
Posted by
Jasjit
As someone who has been privy to some of process of transformation of Aunty M all I can say is that I feel truly blessed to be able to be around you and share your wisdom. Thank you for that.
The story of aunty m is so overwhelming and you have of course recounted it with such precision and clarity. I think its rare to be able to hear/witness such a mystical transformation/story. Thank you for sharing the subtlety, grace and treasures of the path and for bringing so much light and wisdom to us.
love
anusheh
Posted by
Oh Sorry. I meant to say Hello Everybody:-) Thank you for all the interesting shares and congratulations Prasun...its good to have you back.
Posted by
Dear Jasjit
Thankyou Jasjit for your inspiring & experienced explanations. And yes it makes sense that a conscious effort can help "merge" the two selves. And probably, its the adult self who usually needs to understand how to let go of some things and surrender to the little one.
Chaitali, Shubhosree:
Your contributions to this blog are incomparably commendable. All of you are making this journey truly wonderful.
And I'm glad to see that this blog has had over 2000 comments (actually close to 2040) and all so enriching.
Posted by
Hey Thanks Surya Prakash for the acknowledgement. btw, how did you get to that 2040 figure??
Posted by
Dear Shubhosree,
Click on the last comment that this blog has received and then look at the last figure in the Address bar of your browser.
:)
Keep smiling.
Posted by
Thats really clever Surya Prakash! :)
Posted by
You'r welome Shubhosree. Thanks.
Keep up the good work. :)
Posted by
Thanks everyone for your wishes :)
Posted by
Hi Surya Prakash
here comes the 2045th comment..
that was great..kudos
Posted by
Dear Surya Prakash
The blog bus is about all of us fellow travellers. Sharing, questing, laughing and learning together. For us at Ifsha it has become a completely new and precious world of learning and sharing. And everyday, we all walk into the office breathing in the joy, the wisdom and the friendships that this blog has brought to our world. For that we are grateful to each and every writer and commentator. This blog took many months to plan and launch and we often wondered how and where it would create its niche/universe of purpose. Just 2 months down the road it has enriched our journey in such amazing ways.
So here's hoping many more join the 'bus' and turn it into the great 'omnibus' of hope, joy, laughter and love.
Love & Gratitude
Posted by
Hey Prasun,
Glad you were 2045th, buddy. :)
Well Jasjit,
What do I say? I have never felt like writing before and never realised so many dimensions that I could explore (holding the finger of all of you on this blog). I have no fears today in talking out more about my "selves".
And Amen to your hopes that more join this 'bus'. All I can do to help is probably send its link to a few sites or my few friends. In fact will probably give you links of these sites so you can decide which of them deserve to have a link to this precious place.
And Jasjit, the journey of putting this blog up was perhaps bound to be a unique experience too. I can understand the joy & smiles you guys have now as you progress on you path with this Blog.
Of course, result is only the fruit of the enduring journey.
My blessings to all, especially: Jasjit, Shubhosree, Chaitali, Anusheh, Aachi, Meenakshi and Vinay Rai, Sundar, and all commentators.
A hearty wish: May you all keep smiling.
:)
Posted by
Hi all
Jasjit what a wonderful, moving post. Sounds almost unreal. You guys are doing truly unique & incredible work. Second Surya Prakash in wishing you all great success with this blog. Its one of the most unique sites on the net I think.
Well when I read her story the suffering sounded unbelievable and I guess th ending equally so. Reading your words Jasjit sends me into worlds I have never really thought of and so takes time to process . But your clarity and understanding is quite amazing as are many of the comments on this thread. Truly I spend a lot of time just thinking about stuff here and its bringing so many dimensions to my mind. Thankx for all of that and God Bless for taking Aunty M where she needed to go.
Kudos to you all for IFSHA
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Jasjit, intense piece. it took me a while to absorb it all. what struggle Aunty M had to go through all her life. she must have so much blessings with her otherwise anyone else in her situation would have been crushed under the pressure. it really made think about my life. and i realised how blessed i am. i have people who love me, a great job, good friends. and we still keep cribbing about life! Aunty M's life story made me count my blessings.
Thank you so much Jasjit for making me stop and think about my life and inspiring me to be happy with what i have rather than complain about what i dont.
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Dear Surya Prakash
Your receptivity, wisdom and companionship on this blog have been an inspiration in themselves.
Thanks so much for your kindness and your generosity. I'm sure any place you link us to will be worthwhile :-) so please go ahead.
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Shalini,
Dot on how we waste so many precious moments of our lives cribbing for things we don't have instead of looking at the positive side of it.
Being Humans, we all become negative for some reasons I believe. But a simple surrender to some things/situations can perhaps curb such negativity.
Should be interesting how I can observe this, if I can realize that I have some negativity the moment it enters my head.
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Dear Jasjit,
a very intense post which by the time it ends strikes you with a subtle force.
the subtle force might have been the emotion one feels to see someone succeed so wonderfully as aunty M.
I am so happy to be associated with a such a lovely organization which is helping many in healing themselves and others.
Prasun,
accept my congratulations. Kolkata is an amazing city, i visited it only once till now but fell in love with it.
Surya Prakash,
your intelligence and warmth makes me joyful whenever I read your comments.:)
A big Hi to everyone else, Anusheh, Shubhosree, Chaitali, Sundar, Venkat, Shalini.
love
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Dear Anusheh,
Your humbleness & modesty is clear like all others on this blog. I feel like I've found a new "unbouded" "Universe" which truly creates a feeling of timelessness. A place where rate of change (sorry to be using this science / maths) is in our own hands (rather in our minds).
And I (as will so many others) will never forget your last piece on Obsessions. Can't thank you and others enough.
It's been a wonderful experience to be able to participate. Just expressing in advance - in case I'm unable to comment for sometime, owing to my usually hectic schedules :)
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Aachi,
Feels good to hear all that from you. Interesting how you manage your Profession, your Creative pursuits and then write those straight-from-the-heart simplistic & effective pieces. (FYI: Still not out of the loop you created thru your piece :) )
I have visited your website quite a few times already :). Intersting.
Prasun & Aachi:
Sadly I have always wanted to but couldn't visit the worderful heritage city that still mesmerizes the world - Kolkata. I hope I get a chance :)
Best wishes.
Posted by
Dear Surya Prakash,
Thanks a lot.
am posting the second part. will love to hear what you think about it.
Posted by
congrats on the 2000th comment post...and all the best for ifsha initiatives...as more drops of water fall from the skies and passes here enroute to the ocean.God Bless!!
Posted by on February 15, 2006 07:07 AM
Good Morning everyone! A big HI to you too Aachi!
Its a pleasant cloudy morning here in Delhi :-)
Prasun, Aachi, Surya Prakash,
I have never lived in Kolkata (though I am a bengali). Just visited the place about 3-4 times to attend weddings. So not quite connected to the place. Have heard a lot about it though and the most striking feature of the place they say is the warmth of the people there.
And I thank all of you for all the kind words for IFSHA. Its an equally enjoyable experience for all of us here :)
Posted by
Jasjit such a moving post. Have been so overcome with emotion at Aunty M's life' Like Shalini said it really makes you wonder about what why we ever get ratty or depressed. Really makes you count your blessings.
And the ending of the story Jasjit is so awesome. Have some questions but for now just want to sit with the emotions your post has set off.
Thank You for the deep ways in which you bring truth to this site. :-]
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Good Morning everyone
Shubhosree
Even i have never lived in Kolkata,though i think i have at least 9 close relatives living there :-).So used to visit Kolkata on holidays a lot.
I have mostly lived in Guwahati & Delhi. These days i am posted at a small town in Assam-Jorhat.I get to visit Kolkata at least twice a month on official trips..And as Aachi says you got to be there to feel the pulse of the place..no wonder its called the City of Joy..
Read these articles by Vir Sanghvi..it captures the spirit of the city very well..a ringside view so to say
http://www.hindustantimes.com/news/specials/durgapuja/durgapuja_pujo%20to%20a%20bengali.shtml
http://sramanamitra.com/articles/pujo-by-vir-sanghvi/
Thanks Aachi for your words of encouragement.
Surya Prakash
Hope you get a chance soon to visit Kolkata. Aapka number aayega ;-)
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Hi Prasun,
Thanks for the links! I had read these pieces before and feels quite good every time. I have lived all my life in Delhi (except for 3 years spent down south - Cochin). But still am a Bengali by some traits .... so its kind of a mix :)
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Hi Shubhosree, Prasun & Aachi,
Read thru a link from Prasun. Brought the effect of warmth of the city - warmth of Bengalis - warmth of life. The article says: "Where else would children cry with the sheer emotional power of Dashimi, upset that the Goddess had left their homes?"
Quite Moved.
I saw a news channel showing a live telecast of Durga Puja once. Loved the rythm of Dhaks, the essence of each day in the Puja (Saptami, Ashtami, Navmi, Dashmi).
Thanks guys, for being a window to another culture. :)
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Dear Jasjit (ji)
Excellent !!! I have become speechless.
So simply and nicely explained a deep thought.
Thank you so much for showing the difference between 'partial' and 'complete', and the way to fly without baggage !!
LOVE
Buas
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Dear Buas
Thank you for your kind words. Good to know the piece was of some help
Love
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Dear Jasjit,,wow, powerful healing!! I was totally absorbed in the story of Aunty M.. I've never known anyone who lost their whole family; kids, husband, parent..wow!
There are so many souls, myself included; looking for guidance and/or answers, "the way" to clarify and prepare our forward path..
I've just reacently given up my position as Eucharistic Minister, in my tenth year..no I'm not a female priest/pastor; I was put through rituals to be able to perform working beside the priest during communion.
this past year, and moreso the past few months; and reading this blog(my blessed gift) the past few months; I've come to realize; I don't have to be in a man-made church, to be close to God..because God is in my house of heart/mind/spirt...
I too,,,went on a purification ritual...trying to rectify wrongs in childhood...amazing, the more and more I come to read here; the more, and more; I am feeling a healing occur inside.
I no longer feel "obsessed" to BE anything, but "ME"..after 15 years of being a volunteer; as of Tuesday, when I resigned my last volunteer position..I feel mixed feelings...
A)Like I've just severed my only way to keep any form of social capitol(community contact.)
B) I feel light, not burdenless; but I feel more free than I have in many years.
I wish you were here(gentle smiles.)
North
Posted by on February 17, 2006 09:56 AM
Dear North
Severing all these old ties must be seen as the Great Death of the past. Awareness merely means looking at things carefully as they occus to understand the order of the flow. It then just makes us more able/receptive to aid the journey we are being egged on by Grace.
So leaving the Church (for all the right reasons as you mention) is bringing you to the great readying for discovering the inner sanctum. However in understanding that it was the social interaction (same old patterns of replacing the family love we never had in communities we seek) which drew you there, fight the mind which will raise the fear of isolation/invisibility. Replace the fear repeatedly with the adventure of the great space you are about to discover within. And the feeling of lightness that has begun to emerge within -TRUST IT-for the mind will try to offer a million reasons to be guilty. And this is how we move to knowing that the truth of our being lies in our heart. Listen to the heart when it says I am feeling 'free', validate that need and in it you will learn to validate North (including the little one). And slowly the mind will relent its war.
I am there with you North and everywhere that you feel connected to the great journey of loving/healing your being. Look at what the net has offered us today-connections over time and space which were earlier unimaginable. In the love of our collective/individual regeneration we are all indivisble and reside in each others hearts.
Love & Blessings on the Great way.
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Dear Jasjit.. whew! more clarity, thankyou! I understand.. and I will try my hardest not to fall into old behaviour patterns of fear and loneliness; though the suffering of physical disease and loss's of mobility are gargantuan; I am truly feeling at "One" with my inner sanctuary.. I see me now; and rather spurn my faults and weakness's; I am learning to console, learning to unbind false identities and futile, empty searchs for acceptance and righteousness; via so much/many volunteering..
Volunteerism is of course a community must; yet, it's almost disturbing after all this time; to know, I'd been doing it, under false "pretenses"?
So, to my inner childs bare and nakedness, all much anew in perspective...I hug myself gently, and say "I love you, self."
My gratitude, and appreciation is yours Jasjit; for you brilliant light, shines far..and touches me gently.. with a push, encouragement, and above all, compassionate understanding(gentle smile.)
North
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Geez, I proof-read and still missed a major grammar error! It's an age-thing; that's my excuse and I'm stickin to it!(giggles, just kidding)
Error in my above post:
I wrote: "I see me now; and rather spurn my faults"
-- but, it should be:
"I see me now; and rather -than- spurn my faults"
thanks, and sorry 'bout that(wink.)
North
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Dear North
In the tough times of transition between the old and new North, when the fear tries to swallow you with its darkness, chant like a mantra that North means the apex, the pristine and the crown. It is there you are headed and even though the trail maybe long, solitary and the cold winds blow you know its where you belong and getting there is your unique journey and blessing.
While its true moving away from the crowds of the past will be scary but also consider how many new friendships have come into your life through the net- gentle, loving and caring of you-unintrusive and non-judgemental. IS this not Grace's way of reassuring you that all is well, just trust the new.
Much love and hugs
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A perfect perspective Jasjit!! I treasure this place; and though I don't respond too much; I am still here, more oft than not(smiles.)
I suppose, I touch base with the blogs which will in part, inspire me towards a growing spurt?
It's odd; but as I reflect this moment; the hardest part so far; is the gossip flying around town, as to why I am stopping "involvement" in my community.
A) due to a new prime minister here; about to make devestating effects to Canada; fear I may be primping myself to advocate via the newspaper again.
Answer: No, hell no, is my response.
B) I am dying;
My Response: well, we are all beginning to die, the moment we take our first breath at birth; I am no different in that respect or regard; regardless of health status.
C) I am selfish..
My Response: yeah ok, if self-preservation is considered that way?
D) I am major depressed..
My Response: nope, on the contrary..I feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes of a false sense of north, towards my true North...yes, strong and free(just like it says in our national anthem; though it is a coincidence...wink!)
thanks Jasjit; and all contributors and posters; b/c I have grown tall, in your sun-light!
North
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Dear North
Let them all blow their trumpets in whichever way they feel fit. Slowly they'll get bored and move on:)Nothing in the world is more important than ones own health and sense of wellbeing.
love
a
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North
I love the phoenix rising from the ashes one the best. Why don't you sit and create an image of the same with your beads, or paints or P.C and dedicate it to your self. Print it out in a large size and place it before you as ' My Temple of The Familiar' . That will do the job!!!!
Love
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Dear Jasjit,
Hi! You should know me by this name (chuckle!)since you gave it to me!!! It was a great experience going through your article and I say 'experience' because of the feelings I went through.
I could relate to this story in a very strange way - I often feel guilty that I did not nurse my little one because of meds and the rest you know - I just hope she will not grow up with any feelings of ill well. I guess there is a lot of pressure I feel in trying to live up to my children's goodwill, trying to make up for my own feelings of guilt. That was why this winter I collapsed when they were both unwell because somewhere I was feeling responsible and guilty and this lead to sleepless nights and all the rest....
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Dear Chipmunk
Love your name:) Welcome to the blog
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Hi and welcome to the blog Chipmunk! Damn cute name :)
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Dear Chipmunk
You are wise, insightful and a fighter. How can you ever let your little one down? I guess this winter was just a reminder that you can now leave the past behind because this time you have come out so much stronger.
Is it not interesting that you have started on this blog with 'Connecting the Dots' as you first piece? Consider it as the message from Grace that you are now on your way to finally connecting all the dots that you need to.
Love & hugs
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Dear Anusheh thankyou.. you are so right!!
Dear Jasjit.. good idea!! I just may try that.. lol
Much love, and gratitude for both of you; and to all contributors: for your knowledge/wisdom on very important human issues!!
North
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Reverent Jasjit,
The feelings of Listening to mind yet following the heart is somwthing i can realte to. North's decision of not being a volunteer in the form of community service has brought alive an old pattern in me. i can again witness it surfacing it's ugly head.
Like North i too left my initial work field after being associated with Ifsha. though i have moved ahead in my journey yet i find myself being exactly where i sarted in the beginning. ifsha has helped me in unmeasurable forms - especailly deep insights of Jasjeet moved me inch by inch towards light.
Jasjeet, reading your inspiring words for North brought tears in my eyes as it felt that the words are for me right now, right here.
With mush love, admiration & Proud to board Ifsha Bus.
sahaya
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Dear Sahaya, we are all standing on common ground.. I wish for you..a steady growth...I've learned that to start anew, one must first come full circle...to themself...
sounds like you have just about completed that circle of self to Self..
awareness is the open door, it's the fragrant perfume of internal freedom from binding ties which prevent our flight to freesom of choice.
May your freedom BE clearer with each rising sun and moon...
North
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Good Morning All
North those were lovely words to Sahaya
Dear Sahaya
How wonderful to see you here and how inspiring to see that you have steered your course with care and attentiveness.
Sahaya to share something that may help. There are circles of transition when we decide to walk the road to the Self. As awareness of old patterns sink in, the mind at one level 'understands' and becomes clearer but the old fears, ties and desires still pull at us. A strange fatigue, confusion and restless then become part of this circle because we keep feeling like we are still where we are. But how can we be there now, for now we actually 'know' where we are and that makes all the difference.
If you wish to return to comunity service as you say, the Sahaya that will return there will know the patterns she brings. In knowing, the awareness will disallow you from drowning in the false expectations and the 'selves' that such work create. More importantly every hand that you reach out to hold, you will know is in fact a part of you, some self within too that you are healing. And so the cycle will end and the next step forward brings greater clarity and firmness in your heart.
You have walked a very difficult road with great discipline and faith. You must always remember to look to that Sahaya for the courage you seek and be able to smile at her beauty. all else will just be.
Also Sahaya please call me only Jasjit. Remember we are all fellow travellers, none more reverand than the other.
Much love and hugs
Posted by
Dear Sahaya,
Good to see you on the blog! Welcome :)
Hello everyone!
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AS I was reflecting a little on this blog subject tonight,,,and of me and Sohaya; each struggling to understand our need/want/desire to be a volunteer.
I see now, my false pretense..
but, tonight, I remembered my first initial "desire" to be a volunteer began with my health decline, as I could not work anymore..
IN my college studies and learning of the patterns of human life and death, I'd learned how imperitive it was, for a person to remain active.
This became my catapult; into snagging some form of social "normalcy" I suppose?
IN that perspective, I feel it was not a selfish or obscured behaviour(of past) motive? I sought to regain community mingling.
I think, it was not until middle or later; when I began to realize, I was NOW trying to "prove" something valiant of myself; which already existed within me; and needed NO fanfare as such..to remind the hearts bearer; she was worthy and valuable.
So, now I have seen both sides of this coin(issue) and can honestly say; I do not regret now, being a little idle right now; I indeed, need self-attentiveness now, to my own being and healing..that is not selfish,,that is logical(smiles.)
Jasjit; I hope the words which flew out of my thoughts when I read Sohaya's post; brings her a smile too..it would seem it was a fast-giving, heart-felt universal hug of sorts.. thanks.
It is almost a comfort Sohaya, knowing I am not the only spirit on this path, I hope that doesn't sound wierd; but, I thought I was the only one with this issue; deciding when to Do; when not to Do...when to DO for ME> as I"m important too...
May we both continue to walk forward with Grace,,and the Spirit of excited Adventurers...
North
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Hi Shubhosree,,how is your day?
North
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Hi North,
Ur last post has certainly brought laughter to me. As i read ur post, u sound like i was in my initial days. And certainly the lines reassures that the step i took couple of yrs ago is in right direction. Though times of confusion, uncertainity do come by on the path. And then i guess existence shows me the way to express thru a space like Blog.
>
Hello Jasjit,
Thanks for a warm welcome.
Yeah...the whole feeling of returning to a new - self is in itself rather new. Especially when a totally new experience of father's ilness came up in my already unsettled life phase.
I must correct myself here that i do not willfully intend to join the community service again. I would rather continue on my spritual quest though i'm aware to meet the goal i have to meet the ends. And i ceratinly do not want to compromise on my ends this time.
I'm trying patiently & definatley ideally
waiting for an answer to come by. As today it self i declined a NGO sector(help poor people) job offer.I feel good and relieved to be able to follow my inclination - my heart. Something deep inside tells me that the light is round the corner. But how can i access it surronded by my current situation? Will i hold on till that long? Same repeated Q's - Will they ever end?
Hito Shubz, Anusheh& everbody.
sahaya
Posted by
Hello Sahaya
Great to see you on the blog. Sahaya when there is powerful and clear intention then all things become possible for us because the entire universe conspires to make it so. So dont worry about what the future will hold. Whats important is that your present (desire) is clear and you feel rooted in it. Then wherever you go and whatever you do will be your spiritual path. For being on a spiritual path does not mean living a life of isolation, in fact it is about learning the steps in the middle of the dance of the world.
Lots of love
Posted by
HI Sahaya,,, good for you, in sticking to your mandate...to stay on your path to self-realizations which are in motion with you too...as they are with me in mine.
AS it's not been a full week since I quit my last post as a volunteer; it's still amazing, how some people are rallying around, all declaring Im depressed, I'm sick, I'm "mad" I"m everything to society it would seem, but the real truth! lol
It is like I am the spaces in between trees in the great forest, and this community cannot see me, b/c of all the trees; not that I find importance in that or anything; it's just that I wish people would just "live" and let me live too...without imposing their expectations OF me, onto me. lol
North
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how you see the it depends on that the spirituality would like to know more about this subject -
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Aachi, please write at the following email address: harb_singh@yahoo.com
Jasjit,
Although I have somethings to write for this ... I want this comment to solely Congratulate you to be able to achieve the wholeness & the true goal of you intentions - Inner Healing.
I'm so sure that anyone who is still in touch with that childhood of self will have a lightness & a sense of direction after reading through this piece.
I wish I could send the immediate smile & emotions to you. Well ... this comment is an attempt.
Accept my gratitude for bringing that to me.
:)