Butterflies didn’t register that fast to me as was the word Love. I kept cool wondering where it is coming from and then found out the source. She watched high school musical on TV last Sunday where teenage stars are busy loving and discussing chemistry, biology and geography of love. Bit relaxed at the discovery, I resumed to explanation.
I said, “It is not actually the butterflies that enter into our stomach but it is the sweet feelings, anxiety, anticipation and restlessness that love brings along with it is referred to as butterfly.”
“So what is love?” was the next question in my face.

.I needed to explain in her vocabulary what is love? I searched for words quickly and tried to break down complex love into simple words for her.

I said, “Love is feeling good about somebody, wanting to care for someone’s needs, wanting to do things for somebody and also treating the other as your own self and sometimes sacrificing one’s comforts for other’s happiness.” It sounded heavy to me though. I again tried to make it simpler. I said ‘the symptoms of love at times start with getting dress conscious, self-conscious or sometimes impression-conscious and wanting to look at somebody again and again or thinking about someone all the time. But there are further tests to confirm if it is really love or just fake.” (Last note was clearly from the baggage of my upbringing. ‘’Words of caution’’.)

It seemed to click with her level of understanding. But at onset of her 10th year whether she would make out, I wasn’t too sure. Days passed and then came the D-day.
“I am in love”, she declared.
“Who is he?” I asked
“Harry Potter” she replied.
“But he is too old for you,” I wanted to wash him off her mind at first go.
There was a silence. Our eyes met. I did not dare to ask anything further as we both saw “Cheeni Kum” a night before.

Next week a huge cardboard with a Harry potter’s printout neatly pasted was decorating her room. As a woman it was a special moment for me. I truly celebrated the growing girl in her and secretly missed out on not having done so in my childhood. But soon the parent took over. I needed to discuss with her about the crush and love. The sanctity and purity of love in her life should not get mixed with heartaches and breaks of crushes that strengthen you as an individual. She needed to aware of thin lines between loving crushes and crushing loves. But how was a question that needed a preparation from my side.

It was night time and we both were preparing for sleep. Vinay was yet to arrive. I initiated the discussion. “You are a grown up girl now and I can share my secrets with you”, I told her. The word secret evoked the child in her and the grown up girl was left behind. “So child like” I said to myself and smiled. “Please share your secret I will not tell it to anybody”, she assured.
“I also had a crush on a film star when I was your age.” I admitted to her.
“What is crush” she interrupted.
“Crush is something which you are going through right now” I lovingly looked at her saying this. She didn’t want to discuss her own new secret. She was feeling shy. Her coyness and shyness about this new phase of feelings gave such a pure glow on her face that I was touched at the purity of the emotion called love. But to enable her enjoy this pure emotion and to celebrate it in true sense it was important to make her comfortable about this passing phase and discuss with her.
I then explained to her that it is a wonderful phase in her life to have first crush and I do respect her emotions regarding Master Potter. But we should call him “first crush”. I also told her that it is an exciting phase as one learns many things about one’s own self during first crush. So she should not exhaust herself in being very secretive about it rather discuss and enjoy coping this passing phase.
“When will I be in love then?” she enquired.

“After some crushes we are able to experience and identify love on our own. In the beginning the crush seems like love. Even the butterflies get confused. So sometimes people treat crush like love. Since you are an intelligent girl, you can treat it as crush and you’ll slowly develop the sense when it is not the crush but love” I wanted to simplify.

I didn’t know how much she understood but for two months each international film festival we went to, she kept helpdesk girls busy with printouts and information on Harry Potter. She even had cards and letters from her friends who all had crush for Harry Potter’s other friends on each of our foreign visits. After two months the D-day came and she announced.

“I have second crush”,
“Who is that” I was eager.
“Jack and Kody- they are really cute and funny. They are real comedians.”, she was talking about the teenage artists of a new foreign series imported for Indian children on the television.
“So Harry wasn’t really good”, I said.
“Mummy Please don’t say a word against him”, came a curt reply.
“Is it okay that I first liked Harry Potter and now I like Jack and Kody also”, she asked seeking an affirmative answer.
“Yes it is okay to have numbers in crushes. Perhaps that’s why we call them crushes. Slowly when this number game stops and the number doesn’t change for a long, it means we can discuss about love.” She seemed interested. I continued,” As we grow our tastes, habits, likings change and also our role models, favorite heroes/heroines keep changing. But gradually when we mature in body as well as in mind, we get a clear idea of what we like and what we do not like and then our choice of people we want to love also gets clearer.”, I replied.

I am sure she would not forget Harry Potter. Why should she?
Even I remember my first crush. Am I right?

Do send in your own joys...sorrows...on attempt of discussing sex and sexuality with your children.