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Am I Right? (5)

By Meenakshi and Vinay Rai - 7:37 PM Thursday 21 September 2006

Am I right?
How to inform? When to inform?

It was a casual evening and we got delayed in office. Shruti was with us. It was 9 p.m. She was getting restless to go home. I thought playing badminton would be a better idea to keep her engaged to which she agreed. Park outside our office is well lit (thanks to MLA of our area though I haven't seen him) The locality out here has a good number of PGs (paying guests). On one of the rooftops there was a party going on. It was evident since stereo was at its best playing latest numbers. The music helped us to feel upbeat. Shruti started dancing while responding to my shots. It is always a nice feeling to see your child enjoying. I too felt the same.

As we went on playing, she felt more charged. Slowly I saw her steps getting pelvis centered. The pelvic movements were so suggestive that I felt a bit uncomfortable. But I chose not to pay attention conveying that it is okay since she copied one of the latest numbers but with the finesse I didn't expect. I tried to seem okay but then I told her that that her steps were a bit vulgar. What is the meaning of vulgar? She immediately asked back. I asked myself for a definition, which she could understand. I was quiet for sometime. Then I explained to her that it is a form of dirty dancing. And by dirty I don't mean that it is taboo to dance like that but it is a name given to a dance form which involves too much use of pelvic area and suggestive thrusts. It is fun to learn it and do it and we all like to dance like that. But it is done with close friends or in an environment that is not judgmental.

”Aren’t you my close friend?” she asked. “Yes, I am” I answered.
“So I was dancing with you only.” Intelligent connection she made on her own.
“Do you go in panties to a market or a party?” I questioned.
“Ho…What are you talking? How can we go in panties in a market place? It will look awkward” she replied.
“But you do roam around in your room like that at times” I reminded her.
“That’s my room and I can do that in your presence” she reasoned.
“Similarly Park definitely doesn't fit into the place where you can do dirty dancing. One can always avoid shaking bums with all her/his strength and pushing their pelvic areas straight in somebody’s face” I got a corner to push my point.

Badminton rackets kept lying on the ground and we were sitting on the bench discussing. I realized that she has grown up. I didn't quite make out if she could understand anything I was trying to explain.
We were silent for sometime.
“Why don’t you and papa make a film on dirty dancing since you are close friends?”
It's so important to let silence prevail sometimes. It is the silence that gives time to think of connections that are childish yet mature in their very observance. I learnt one thing though. Parenting is all about learning to be silent at times. Am I right?

Posted By Meenakshi and Vinay Rai - 7:37 PM Thursday 21 September 2006

Comments

Watched your movie at Open frame & it was nice seeing you both there.

I agree with you about your suggestions to your daughter.

Cheers, Rohit

Posted by

Rohit Malik

on September 22, 2006 03:49 AM

Silence is great,sometimes, speacially when you need to think before successfully presenting a picture of the unknown to a a young child.

There are times though, when i prefer to say,to my child, "i think we need to inform you on a particular topic when we think you and your young mind is ready for the burden of this information".(the age is right when you think and your child shows that they are ready)

To give you an example.

On one of my birthdays i was presented with a graphic novel "Persoplis"written by Marjane Satrapi.It is a narration of a young 7to 11 year old, living in Iran during the Shah regime,her perspective.

It is a well illustrated and interestingly told story.I asked Nayantara (11yr old)to read it.As a family we were very excited when we got to know that the sequel to the book was coming soon.We of course went and preordered it.

The day came we bought the next novel.Nayantara immediately asked if she could read it first.Now it was my turn, i started reading it and realise in the 1st 15 pages that this novel may have been inappropriate for young Nayantara,as it was now the coming of age narration by the novelist, so it had a lot of sex,drugs,masturbation etc.Initially both (husband)of us were a little confused,what do we do next,how do we approach the topic sensitively,appropriately for our child.

Finally i spoke to her.When i questioned her about the book she said it was interesting but not as much as the previous one,i told her i agreed (it was true too)When i spoke to her on if she understood it all and she said well largely no,she did not ask me because......????

That's when i felt that it was probably too early for her to be made aware of drugs,sex in detail etc.My simple explanation to her was,i can clarify all your doubts but i am not sure if it will help clear your mind totally,plus would she like to burden herself with this information right now or come back to it when her mind will be readier and more accepting of the knowledge,as it is something she will need to be aware of sometime soon.She took the latter option.

Now its been 2 years she is now 13 and i am ready when she is. :)

Posted by

mads

on September 25, 2006 09:21 AM

Meenakshi

Another excellent post on the subtle conflicts between silence and protectiveness towards the young. There seems to be suddenly such a mayhem of sexual messages all around and I cannot imagine how parents are finding the language (or the silence) to create a sense of comfort, well-being and self-preservation for their children. Sometimes I really feel it is perhaps the hardest time to be a parent right now, epscially middle-class metro life where everything is being stood on its head at a pace which is almost unprecedented. Thank You for bringing both the insight and the poignancy of your efforts as parents to this blog.

love

Posted by

Jasjit

on September 29, 2006 12:23 PM

It's always a pleasure to read your posts- always simple and clear. I think you should come out with a book on parenting called Am I Right? . It would be a bestseller. :)

Posted by

Ananya

on October 4, 2006 10:47 AM

If only parents could be half as thoughtful, sensitive and open to their children everything would be so Right. wonderful thoughts here.

Posted by

Merwan

on October 7, 2006 07:35 AM

Am I Right? (5)

By Meenakshi and Vinay Rai - 7:37 PM Thursday 21 September 2006

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