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Am I Right? (4)

By Meenakshi and Vinay Rai - 2:11 PM Friday 09 June 2006

Am I Right ?

I think Shruti was busy appreciating herself in the mirror and observing her body for a long time when I made an entry in the room. At eight children have a distinct sense of what would be liked by the adults and not. She got conscious but acted as if it was just a casual gesture of looking at the mirror before one goes out. So she combed the already combed hair. I pretended to believe what she expected. However I enjoyed the visual and it reminded me of my childhood. It is a restless wait to grow big in no time. I knew I had to tackle it as a parent someday. But I wanted it to be little late not at just eight. I wanted to talk to her but also didn’t want to spoil the sweet taste of mirror game that is so much a part of every individual.

Being a woman I could feel the girlish emotions she must be treasuring during this phase of her life. The similar visuals kept repeating and I kept behaving as expected. So I was an ignorant on the watch. The thing that bothered me was not that she started spending time in front of the mirror but the consciousness that was visible when I chanced to see her. I wanted her to accept and take it as normal and natural. Not something to feel ashamed at or something to cover up which showed in the way she was behaving when I used to enter the room. It was during one lazy afternoon that I knocked at the issue of bodies and images with her. My experience of workshops with children came handy here. Opt for telling than asking. Children are very much interested in knowing about what their parents did when they were children. So I started.

“Do you know what I used to do when I was your age?”
“What? Tell me.” she seemed curious. By this time she fitted herself in my lap.
“I had this desire of growing up fast. Everyday I used to look at the mirror just to see how much I have grown. I wanted to wear all those dresses and look like a lady. Yet it always disappointed me to see that bodies are so lazy when it comes to visible growth.” I looked for an affirmation. It was missing.
“You really felt sad !!” , to my surprise she was rather in a consoling mode.
“Yeah” I started enjoying her concern.
"Sometimes I even used to worry if I have stopped growing ?", I made an attempt to knock into her inner thoughts. There was no reaction. I did not know where to go from here.
I almost lost the thread of the issue till she pulled out this one. "Didn't your mom help you?" she questioned.
"Yes... she told me that it was natural to have a desire to spend time with the mirror. Everyone does that as a child. She also told me an interesting thing that body behaves like a tortoise when it come to growing up."
"But tortoise wins in the end. Didn't she tell you?" she interrupted.
"Yes she told me to be patient and enjoy the race of the body and its image." I concluded.

Soon she started talking about her friend's birthday and I did not feel the need to dig deep. She seemed to be in a mood for a nap. So I got up to catch with other things. As I was about to leave the room, she threw this question.
"Mom do you still look at your body before you wear clothes?" I didn't know what to answer but I wanted to be honest. I said, "Mirror game is very interesting. Even I like to play it sometimes."
"But mom don't feel sad again... bodies are like tortoise they take time to grow " came the little advice.

I wished to tell her that they seem to behave like rabbits at my age.
I learnt one thing though. Children are not sleeping when they seem to. They are still thinking about what you told them rather what you asked them. Am I right?

Do send in your own joys...sorrows...on attempt of discussing sex and sexuality with your children.

Posted By Meenakshi and Vinay Rai - 2:11 PM Friday 09 June 2006

Comments

Very Sweet! ; - )

Posted by

Rohit Malik

on June 9, 2006 04:15 PM

Hi M & V,

Reading about Shruti took me back to the days when I was her age. Watching oneself in the mirror and then quickly pretending as if it was just a casual glance at oneself when somebody came into the room... yes most of us as kids are like this- girls and boys.

But like you have said there is nothing wrong with it. As parents we only need to see to it that an uncomfortable consciousness with the body does not develop.

Thanks for sharing these wonderful experiences.

Posted by

Chaitali

on June 10, 2006 09:46 AM

Dear Meenakshi and Vinay

Another wonderful story. Loved your line about aging like rabbits:-) I think what's really wonderful about your parenting is the quality of attentiveness that you bring to it. Shruti is lucky to have parents like you just as you are lucky to have such a bright and wise child.

love

Posted by

Anusheh

on June 10, 2006 10:02 AM

Dear Dear Meenakshi

Such a treat to read you always. Your insightful mommyhood is as rare as its wonderful. The hundreds of ways in which you carefully side-step the pitfalls you experienced as a little girl and raise the bar of her space just that much more. Its rare to find such individuals (particularly parents) who are so judicious and alert to 'doing it right' for their children, specifically when it comes to stepping out of their own patterns. I just love they way you 'listen' and 'learn' from her.

As always a great joy to read your written-from-the heart posts. Shruti is indeed blessed to have you as her mother. Love and hugs to your both.

Posted by

Jasjit

on June 10, 2006 10:07 AM

What a lovely Story.

I can only hope that someday when I'm a mother I can be as light-hearted and attentive to my child. You have really touched me with your love and openess. Lucky Shruti!

Thanx for a gr8 post

Posted by

Shagufta

on June 10, 2006 01:45 PM

Namaste Meenakshi & Vinay ji,

I think children too have their ups & downs ,just like us. There are many factors espically at growing age which can make them feel fine & others that can bring them way down. Here shruti seems to be obsessed with her looks as she seems to be conscious of her looks & talks about the hair,nails ,ear rings etc like a teenager.
Shruti looks at her image in the mirror & likes what she sees it sounds usual.Generally girls tends to struggle with body image in far greater numbers than boys. Her attention to body size & shape is part of normal growing process. Taking her approach in a positive way i.e discussing the same will result in healthy relationship between both of you.
Such examples helps parents & other understand how they can reinforce a positive image in girls.

Posted by

Shailee

on June 11, 2006 07:33 AM

Esteemed writers I am in agreement with Shaile & others. You are fine parents coz you think about how the child thinks. Many can learn from you.
Regards

Posted by

Kalam

on June 11, 2006 10:17 AM

Dear Vinay and Meenakshi
Bravo! I have same opinions as others have voiced. You both are extremely good parents. Its a very rare quality of seeing the world through children's eyes and understand them. Keep it up.
Good luck to Shruti.
Shyama

Posted by

Shyama

on June 12, 2006 07:37 PM

I liked your observations about child behavier. You two are a very intelligent couple. Keep up the good work. Pl note down your all experiences and write a book on child psychology.It will be very helpful for future young parents. God bless you all.

Posted by

Shyama

on June 13, 2006 08:58 PM

Posted by

Shyama

on June 13, 2006 08:59 PM

Am I Right? (4)

By Meenakshi and Vinay Rai - 2:11 PM Friday 09 June 2006

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