Aachi

What a lovely story and so profound too. Your sensitivity, insight and compassion are so inspiring.

I did a very painful and long research on male child prostitution in Pakistan once and we had tried to access the children (because the pimps wouldnt let us get near to them) by pretending we were clients. When the researcher finally managed to get into a room with the child, the child was eager to have sex and get it over with. The researcher refused saying he was here to chat with him and not have sex. The result was that the child flung open the windows of the hotel room (located in a very busy bus stand) and shouted out "yeh namard hai, isko yahaan se lay jao He is impotent take him away). Needless to say the researcher was mortified and I had to spend many hours comforting him. Funny as it is, it is also tragic for as you rightly say all options are dead to these children and women. Beautifully and sensitively written piece Aachi.
God Bless my friend.
lots of love

Good Morning Aachi!

That was a very sensitively done piece! Though your description was in a very subtle and light manner, but the sadness comes across very powerfully.

Its so true that they dont know that there is a whole other world that exists out there! Wonder what their thoughts are when they see any other girl (their age) walking on the street, wearing nice clothes with her parents, or boyfriend or just friends and generally having a good time. Wonder what goes through their minds .....

Good morning Aachi

Loved it !! Its not everyday you read about prostitutes from such perspective, who are always victims of stereotypes.

"Goodbye sweetie, hope you have a better life someday..." We all hope & pray for that day.

beautifully written article
i believe even the thought coming in the mind of treating them with dignity, and not pity, is a great achievement, even if under intoxication.

But yeah its always that final step towards making the thoughts a reality, which is the most toughest.

nice post

Hi Dhruv, good to see you again:)
lots of love

Hello

I am sorry to be the one to burst this bubble of senstivity, but the thoughts were very fine.

How about the action? Is your embarrasment at being called a "namard" or "gay" etc bigger than the prostitutes.

He/She is in the sex trade for lack of choices and not for the sexual pleasure (as indicated by you, Aachi). I assume they are embarrassed to talk it out with their families and friends. Ocassionally they must feel some embarrassment with a customer too.

Once again i do apologise for having a different take on the matter.

A beautiful story that I came across and thought of sharing with all of you.... its called 'The Cup of Life'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of working adults got together to visit their University lecturer. The lecturer was happy to see them. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

The Lecturer just smiled and went to the kitchen to get an assortment of cups - some porcelain, some in plastic, some in glass, some plain looking and some looked rather expensive and exquisite.

The Lecturer offered his former students the cups to get drinks for themselves. When all the students had a cup in hand with water, the Lecturer spoke:

"If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal that you only want the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup, but we unconsciously
went for the better cups."

"Just like in life, if Life is Water, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold/maintain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."

"If we only concentrate on the cup, we won't have time to enjoy/taste the water in it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May be we should stop obsessing about the cup and focus on the water.

Cheers! :)

Hey Aachi buddy,

Powerful message in Simple words.
Admire your sensibility and the feelings buddy. I Hope our wishes / prayers help those who are having to live it each day/night.

As Dhruv said even the thoughts of such kind show a step towards a better world.

A recall:
I recall a friend mockingly pointed at some young girls near the Defence Colony Fly-over in New Delhi about 3 yrs back. I couldn't help but notice some kind of anxiety on a few (very few though) faces. Perhaps they were 'new entries' to the ever growing list. But sad how some people around us think of them. Although I tried to bring to him the possible reasons they might have been into this 'business', he just didn't take it.

Feels helpless to think how difficult it is to help them.

Feel good that in IFSHA, we have something to look upto. :)

With you all :)

Shubhosree,

Inspiring indeed. :). Go the message loud and clear.

Seems to me that all of us are okay with prostitution only if we can see it as something that women were forced into. I wonder what people's take on prostitution would be if one just chose to do it as a profession....would it invite the same sympathy? Just playing the devils advocate here.

Sorry guys - its 'Got the message loud & clear' in my last comment.
:)

Hey Anusheh,

Playing along (with the Advocate) ;-)
Can only express how I would feel -
Being forced into anything is not right (as you said).
But if someone choses it then - Devdasi's used to be part of our system as one could argue it.
Personally, I feel that the root cause of their decision may be our society, our neighborhood & how ppl look upon women as objects of desire has perhaps given rise to such 'lucrative' easy money-making thing. We should consciously start with talking positively about this to our friends and close ones who can further this into their circle.

Somewhere down the line, none of them is happy when one decides to take up this option.

Just thought out loud again. Looking forward to seeing more POV's of course.
:)

Dear Anusheh,

Sympathy .... not sure, but Compassion yes. I make a distinction in the two words coz compassion I believe is 'with understanding'. Sympathy is just pity.

In my view, even when a girl 'agrees' to take up this profession there has to be a deeper connection somewhere. It could be her childhood. May be her need to be loved is so intense that it pushes her to this profession. Just enjoying the false notion of love may be. Or it could be a distorted idea of sexuality that has been passed down to her by her family, society, friends (as Surya rightly points out), that makes her think that its OK! It could also be an extremely low self-esteem (attributed to her upbringing) that she comes to believe that this is actually the best that she can do! I am sure there can be many more reasons that I cant even think of right now.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that even when someone says that "I want to do this", it actually comes from an unhealthy sense of sexuality (she herself being oblivious to it) which doesnt need sympathy but compassion.

Just my take....

Shubhz, Surya

Well said...couldn't have said it better:)

Dear Anusheh,

thanks for sharing the story. It obviously is the case everywhere. I wonder how we can reach out and help people who dont understand what we are trying to do. I think it is the toughest job, to not only fight the world, but also fight the person whom we are trying to help. In this respect IFSHA has made a wonderful beginning and I am proud to be associated with you all.

Shubosree,

I thought of that perspective once. What really would have gone through these minds when they saw other people having a much better slice of life?...I think the first reaction would be of bitterness and then of resignation. sad but true.

Prasun,

I am sure that day will come. Lets wish for it together./

Dhruv,

In college our gang was like a retro gang.:) We were a small bunch of 6 people and everytime we boozed, I got to see the innate beauty in my friends which I loved and was so proud of. Their sensitivity and compassion amazed me also. This idea in fact was suggested by a friend in the gang and gave us a new perpspective in seeing things.

Surya,

thanks for the share. You are right about how hellish it might be for first timers who are forced into the trade to see their dreams going up in bubbles.

Madhavi,

thanks for showing a different aspect to the discussion.

it is true that we should act more. but as I said in my previous comment such action requires a fight against the society and also the victim. For that reason may be most of us dont bother to act.

Organizations like IFSHA have made a beginning in this aspect and I hope we all succeed one day.

and please, do burst the bubbles! :) we are here to debate and reach better solutions and ideas to tackle issues which affect us and our conscience.

so dont bother about anything.

Hi Anusheh

"I wonder what people's take on prostitution would be if one just chose to do it as a profession"

Got me thinking.

I could see it generated some very enlightening view points...Surya's take on it being " 'lucrative' easy money-making thing " and Shubhosree's take on compassion vis-a-vis sympathy..well said you all.

Hey Madhavi
Loved your take on the matter. Its great to have diverse opinions.
"He/She is in the sex trade for lack of choices and not for the sexual pleasure". Agree with you to a great extent on that.
Still there are people who are into it just because of the lure of easy money. I mean we get to read so many news reports of college guys & gals from well-to-do families falling prey to the temptation of easy money and they can go to any length for that. Hardly matters to them. Anything goes. For them its just about the money and "Nothing Else matters" (woow thats a lovely metallica song)

Dear Aachi

Once again in your inimitable style a story well told-straight from the heart. Perhaps, made all the more powerful by the eternal dilemma that life presents between our sensibility and the limitations of plausibility. And yet, today I do believe that nothings is amiss. The moment that you smiled, noticed, felt her heart, is the moment you crossed over a thousand improbable barriers and scattered her with the freshness of love and compassion. And in your eyes she saw what she never does- the dignity of being, shorn of all else which dogs and stamps her.

Perhaps she averted her eyes Aachi, because the intensity of your acknowledgment was a scary novelty.

Thought has that power and we who are caught in forever measuring action and 'doing' forget that all emanates from that one pure energy. And look how the gestation of that very thought/feeling matured to bear myriad fruit for so many on this thread.

A warm hug to you.

Madhavi

Just to share a kind of long road of similar responses. I was in my late teens and a hugely controversial book was launched in the west instantly being banned by many countries. As was to be expected its popularity and interest went through the sky and over the next decade(70s)many nations relented. It was called The Happy Hooker by Xaviera Hollander. I was 18 then and should have understood the roots of my rather flaming feminist (if somewhat unconventional) future. I laid my hands on the book somehow when I was in Canada having heard every controversy behind it.

The content was 'startling'for my rather protected mind and I don't really remember any great literary depth or wisdom to it. But what I do remember being clearly set aflame by was the 'freedom' that this woman experienced and possibly set off for many sex-workers like her. She was the first to cross over publicly into the no-woman's land of not calling herself a victim but someone who 'enjoyed' what she did.

many years were spent 'analysing' this 'brazen'woman through chat shows, studies etc etc. For me I was left with the 'irreconciliable' truth. Something humanity calls the oldest profession in the world continues to proliferate even as 'moral/religious police' sigh and bemoan the 'cancer' of society. However laws (at that time) people, art and literature berate the 'prostitute'. Surely she does not knock out men in the still of the night and carry them off to her 'den'. Why were men never adressed, blamed, controlled or banned? why did pimps not matter to the 'holy' and why through history did these women carry such burdensome crosses of moral turpitude, social isolation etc.

And then when a Xaviera Hollander rose to say, right then, I am not a victim I choose- the whole world reels in shock and outrage.

Some years later President Bush senior(if I'm not mistaken) flew in the US Airforce and bombed Columbian 'dope' fields to extinction. Again I felt the same outrage at human myopia. You will march into the boundaries of an autonomous nation because you are focussed only on the 'evil' of supply. Do we not understand that all economics gets seeded with demand? And isn't sex work that too- economics?

For me Xaviera pushed a frontier of thought and emancipation which merly wanted to know if women 'must' live it then those who 'choose' it must be allowed to say so. It was a littl seed which surfaced in many way in my work much later.

this is a long post so I will continue with the second one a little later.

Dear Jasjit,

"Do we not understand that all economics gets seeded with demand? And isn't sex work that too- economics?"

Indeed an obvious conclusion! And it creates such restlessness because I couldn't seem to think beyond a point. Will wait for the next post and eager to know about: "It was a littl seed which surfaced in many way in my work much later."

Dear Madhavi

To continue my story. I was then heading an NGO called Sakshi which was a violence intervention centre. The papers carried this horrendous story of some morally stunted politician waking up one morning to 'clean-up' his constituency. It was where Delhi's GB Road wa situated. In an awful swoop down the police broke into the brothels , dragged all the children out of there and rounded up some 70 kids claiming that these boys and girls were child prostitutes. In fact they were children of the prostitutes and not into prostitution. As the frazzled women screamed and protested outside the courts we decided to take up their case and filed a writ in the Supreme COurt. It took some doing but we freed the kids and restored them to their mothers. Meanwhile we came into close contact with about 15 women who were petitioners and got to know them well. The close contact verified that indeed they were the genuine mums and not madams. Many were sending their kids to school, many children did not realize their mother's profession so you can imagine the kind of emotionl damage control we and they had to do.

However a fascinating anecdote was my legacy from that experience. Some of these women had one regular 'man' who looked after them. This particular woman (since we had established a great camaderie now) told me how he took her to Singapore. Excited I asked her how wonderful to see a new country and what all did she see. Equally excited she told me she went straight to the red light area and was amazed at the health services, the Aids support programmes and the great video system through which a woman could first appraise her client before she decided to be with him. My bemused expression caught her off guard and she suddenly broke into an embarassed giggle which made me immediately reach out and hug her. Of course, that was her world and she needed to check out the cutting edge of her professional environment!

I was now convinced. My work would be to restore the inner sanctum of these women. I was not interested banning or marching for their 'victimhood'. It was not a task I was moved to do. Some years later the oppurtunity presented itself and in collaboration with an NGO (Diksha) in Calcutta we set up a worhsop with sex-workers and their children. We took them to a resort far away from Calcutta where they were undisturbed, allowing them to pamper themsleves with food, song, dance and long walks by the Ganga. Ifsha facilitators held two simultaneous workshops-one with the kids and one with the mothers. It was a week long affair, with wonder, pain, lonliness and self-discovery. My broken Bangla and their broken hindi dissolved into a field of communication where the women went through amazing meditations, wept for the lost self, found the road to self dignity and taught us all, over and over again how courage and beauty are infact indestructible treasures within our hearts.

the children left us speechless is all I can say. And the final session between the regenrated mothers and their articulate, 'hopeful'children reduced us all to tears which in their silence and intensity washed us all anew. We who learnt how to bow to the courage and 'purity'of the most 'wretched' women in the world and they who blossomed simply under the thought that there were others in the world too who could 'see/know' them beyond the ignominy of their life.

Diksha grew to do amazing things, especially with the children. But in my heart that workshop was the most powerful truth of love is healing.

Dear Aachi

You have a lovely heart. And can I just say without being condescending that to hear a man think & speak like you convinces me that the world is a much better place today & there is so much hope for tomorrow.

Jasjit wow! loved the anecdote about Singapore & Hollander brings about interesting thoughts. And of course Bless Ifsha.

Hi all!

Surya

I guess looking at it as 'economics' scares us because the truth brings up many faces. Women can 'sell their bodies' for money? Men 'pay' to have sex? What then is sacred and what profane?

Not much actually! Life carries on with the unwitting fervour of both. I remember one of the sex workers telling me that the problem with men was their sexual identity rather than their sexual 'drive'. Boys who needed to be 'men' felt a sex-worker was the best way. Men who were divorced/abandoned/stuck in aggressive marriages needed sexual 'relief', men with low sexual self-image felt the sex-worker would be 'sensitive' and help make them more confident, gay men(struggling to deny their attraction) felt the sex-worker would 'excite' them with her 'wildness' and bring them back to the straight and narrow and of course impotent men came to be 'healed' by a 'wanton' sex worker.

This was the bag which made up their clientele and I remember thinking back then -well heal men sexually if you want to erase prostitution. That is what I meant about concentrating on the 'demand', trying to figure out how it got so prolific in the first place, working out why the beauty of sexual intimacy ended up in the squalor of brothels where furtiveness/shame/aggression/exploitation/disease and distaste reign? And money is the negotiating instrument which continues to keep it all in its place.
Perhaps that is why I saw through the fallacy of banning/legislating sex-work so early on. Instead I have always felt that if made legal at least the women could claim rights to health care(especially with AIDS), hygiene, better negotiating power and protection. Now, whether the pimp or policeman, the lawyer or even the social worker- everyone manges to push them to the brink of survival.

Dear buddy,

thank you. your story about the happy hooker and the anecdaote of Singapore was very beautiful.

I think another such book recently became evry popular in Kerala by a sex worker. I think it is called "Autobiography of a sex worker" or something like that.

warm hug to you too.:)

Dear Anusheh,

my take is that if someone resorts to be a sex worker as a matter of choice rather than circumstance then the inital human reaction would be of repulsion or misunderstanding. maybe through time people would accept it.

I personally have nothing against anyone who will resort to such practises provided they practise safe sex.

Shubhosree, i am sorry i misspelt your name in a previous comment.:)

radhika,

thank you. :)

was wondering as to where Harb, Shalini, Sukanya and Venkat are...

Hi there Aachi
Sorry pal was tied to the work post last night.
Lovely story and many disquieting thoughts. Like Jasjit said it is economics and like Surya said it makes you restless.

What is it then? Like if a man talks about being with a hooker you can think he's desperate or a little weird but you move on from there. But if a woman says she's a hooker it changes your whole response to her. I know like you Aachi I don't have a moral issue with it. But I know at a feeling level its discomfort. Why?

Recently there was some crackdown on a call girl racket in Delhi. Seems they were college girls, well-off families etc. Why was my question. A colleague jibed 'coz they want to, they probably enjoy it.' And I know I was both annoyed and uncomfortable.

I wonder if anyone has any answers. Jasjit
loved your Calcutta story.

Dear Jasjit

I am simply amazed at the amount of upliftment work you have done and that too spread across so many regions.

Salutations & warm hug to you.

Good Morning everyone

"When I Asked God for Strength
He Gave Me Difficult Situations to Face

When I Asked God for Brain & Brown
He Gave Me Puzzles in Life to Solve

When I Asked God for Happiness
He Showed Me Some Unhappy People

When I Asked God for Wealth
He Showed Me How to Work Hard

When I Asked God for Favors
He Showed Me Opportunities to Work Hard

When I Asked God for Peace
He Showed Me How to Help Others

God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted
He Gave Me Everything I Needed"

Any guesses, who wrote these amazing lines ?
Well none other than the Man himself..Swami Vivekananda..

;-)

P.S : Its raining here in Assam yet again.

Dear Jasjit,

In response to Anusheh's question, I had focused on how the unhealthy notions of sexuality need to be addressed among the women who go into the profession 'by choice'. But you are so right that it has to be both ways. If the rise in demand can be thwarted, it will take care of the problem to a great extent.

Dear Aachi,

Not a problem at all :-)

Dear Prasun,

"God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted
He Gave Me Everything I Needed"

Love those lines! Thanks :-)

A big Hi to Surya, Venkat, Radhika, Sukanya, North, Madhavi, Shalini, Annie and everyone else!

Hello everybody

Sorry the devil disappeared yesterday:) But I was running in eighteen different directions. However I have read each and every comment and have really enjoyed the discussions here.

Aachi I second Radhika. Just so proud to have you here and to be associated with you. Love your sensitivity and the ways in which you express it.

Surya and Prasun you make us all feel warm and your words bring light, hope and sensitivity to the blog. Thank you for that.

Ok I'm only talking about the men today:)The women will have to wait.

lots of love

Good Morning people!

Aachi, Kolkata is an amazing place indeed and so is your experience there. Few years back I had gone with my cousin brother and his friend to the book fair (which is just fantafabulous) held in Kolkata every February. After we finished our purchase at the fair we decided to go to a bar and chill out before heading for home. I think it was Park Street in this case too. It was around 8 pm. We entered the bar cum restaurant. As we entered the bar most of the people (mostly men)turned towards us.

At first I thought I was probably looking very attractive ;) No that was not the case. With two men flagged on either side the message that people were getting was that I was a prostitute and my Cousin and his friend my pimp and client.I got to know this when the waitor took us to seat far in the corner without us asking for it and inspite of the vacant tables in the main area.

My Cousin and his friend were so embarrased that they became absolutely stiff and couldn't even look each other in the eye forget me. We decided to leave and do our chill out session sometime else.

Just the sight of a woman entering a bar with two men was enough to set the imagination racing.

Venkat, remember Anusheh's piece on the Virgin and the Whore. Well it's just that.

Jasjit

That sure was a wonderful piece. Thank you for expressing all that i would like to have said but probably could not due to very little experience with the world of prostitutes.

My next comment was to be on the issue of legalisation(example,The Netherlands)in my opinion it is a better option than trying to rid the society of their presence.

The sex worker plays a fairly important role in society, specially in the indian context.We are a sexually repressed society,all the westernisation and modern thinking is tossed out of the window as soon as we have to tackle anything to do with sex.

Thus a prostitute helps in various ways, she/he can be an educator,a mentor,a therapist etc etc....if only we were less digusted and more accepting of these citizens of our country.Yes! and they are a part of our economy.

A small personal experience. We had some visitors in Bombay and as is they had heard of the Dance Bars and wanted to go to one.

Five of us, took off to local Dance Bar. We ordered our drinks, my husband got the money changed and we sat down to watch the ladies swing to the latest filmy music (they were more covered than any of the item number girls or remix videos on TV, today)(their dance moves too were restrained and not bawdy and loud like our "U" rated films).

One of the girls caught my eye and i offered her some money, she then took to dancing around our table. After an hour she came across and asked me to dance with her, initially i hesitated and then i figured "Why Not" after all i do go out dancing with friends and family. So i did and i had a lovely evening of fun and dance without any murkiness.

The other nice thing was, though it was a male dominated place, not once did i feel uncomfortale,i did not face any stares, lurid or otherwise.I did not even see any of the girls being touched or hassled by the clients.At least on the floor at that time it was what it said it was. " A dance bar"

Dear Madhavi

Thank You for sharing that. I think the dance Bars have created quite an uproar and one that seems to be still going strong. Few have offered a wholesome picture like you have. The fall-out of the closure apparently, is that Bombay is being seen as a 'less safe ' city at night by women. On a CCN/IBN poll nearly 50 per cent women said that, because the night life has just been wiped out.
The other shocking figure was that 90 per cent people in Bombay agreed with the 'moral policing' and felt the bars were 'degenerate' places. What it has done to all those women's livelihoods is another issue altogether.

I wish there was a more dynamic debate on what is at stake here and how did a 'cool' city like Bombay fall victim to this kind of crackdown?

Dear Chaitali

About your experience in Kolkata..well its unfortunate to say the least.At the same time must admit its rampant.
"Just the sight of a woman entering a bar with two men was enough to set the imagination racing"
That too in a metropolitan ! Wonder whats the plight in smaller towns.

To some extent i feel Hypocrisy is the genesis of all this. I mean how often have we heard guys commenting "She is Girlfriend material not wife material". Its a shame. What's worse is these comments come from the so-called Highly educated fellows.

Hi Madhavi
It was heartening to read about your Dance bar experience.
Have never been to one and thanks to the clampdown i doubt if i can ever be !

Dear Jasjit
The poll results are disturbing. It defeats the purpose of crack-down (if at all there was any in the first place)

You're right Prasun. It's not only in Kolkata. My sister has had numerous such experiences in Delhi. It happens everywhere and in small towns the case is worst. It's sad but often women too make remarks when they see a girl hanging around with men- "She must be a hooker".

My own feeling is that Education is a very superficial word. Education in what is the question.

Madhavi,
It must have been a wonderful experience. I was very infuriated and still am with this ban on dance bars. What infuriates me the most is the kudos that these poiliticians are getting for taking away the means of livelihood of these women in the name of 'samaj sudhaar'.

Personally, I have never had such encounters as I have not visited dance bars, but I just wanted to say that its not only about Dance bars. Even if a girl is found sitting with 2 guys, chatting and laughing and generally having a good time, she will be looked upon as "loose". The look is very evident. It doesnt matter where they are. They could be just sitting at a park and it would invite the same reaction. bcoz at the end of the day its all in the mind. So no matter where you are (Dance bar or a park), its the same mind you carry and hence the same reaction.

Really shocking to hear about Mumbai. It was the one city that was supposed to be the safest for women. And the hypocrisy is a little too much to take!

Hello Aachi'
I read your article yesterday and wanted to comment on it.I sat for quite some time in front of this box trying to pour out my feelings.But the right words just wouldn't come.So,I'm here again today with just a simple statment....I enjoooooyyyyeeeeedddd reading your article.

Hello Prasun,

Again a simple statement....loved those lines by Swamiji.

Hey Aachi!

I am very much here. Reading through the blog. This is another heart-warming piece you have written. It really moved me. I have never been exposed to anything like this (meaning the red light area, dance bars etc). So this is all quite new to me. So i was just trying to absorb all thats being written here.

Learning .... learning .... learning all the time

Hi everyone,

nice to see all your comments and thoughts.

Venkat,

I think the scenario has taken birth due to the overexposure that growing children get nowadays.

its a demon we have to learn to share the bed with.

Chaitali,

It must have been the Park Street Area. I went to night club there on the last night and danced with my friends ala college style ( to be read as boys dance). One of my friends approached me and said...yaar this look like a gay joint...( I dont know how he could tell...probably by the flashy clothes)...it stopped me dead in my tracks...then I thought what the hell and danced on. :)

Jasjit,

I think in a society somebody has to become the beating bag. I feel sex workers in their own right are responsible for bringing down a lot of crimes against women by loosing thier own 'izzat'.

I dont support anyone falling into the trade but I feel the bad deal that society gives them is wrong for they help the same society in much more subtle ways when you take in the practical aspects.

Madhavi,

thanks for the share.

Sunrise, Shalini,

thank you very much.
:)

Hi Guys!

Aachi your life seems to be very eventful. So you got a new hairdo (or should I say hairundo!)

I find the whole debate around sex workers very puzzling. First they are (mostly) forced into the flesh trade, then they are accused of trading their body, spoiling men, polluting the society, then they are pitied for being victims of power, patriarchy and lust, abuse, AIDS, then they are denied legalisation (which could help them protect their rights as human beings)in the name of morality and cultural values.

Chaitali even I had a similar experience years back here in Delhi. Two of my school friends (a guy and a gal) and I had gone to this place where a lot of young people hang around. We were sitting at the parking lot chatting, when we noticed a car drive up and stop a few feet away from us. A man probably in his mid-fifties was in the car. He looked at my male friend and seemed to be enquiring about something in his own code language. At first we didn't quite get it. Realising what the guy was trying to enquire from our male friend, my girlfriend immediately told us what was happening. Unfortunately we were too young to say anything and to certain extent got a bit scared too. We simply ignored the guy and after sometime he left. We immediately left the place.

Hey Jasjit,

About your share about workshop with sex-workers & their kids: Wish I were there.

Thanks for your response about the relating the 'economics' with 'demand'.

Hi Shubhosree,

Yes its true - the seed of 'demand' is majorly the reason for this trade to be an 'option' for earning (to many) - whether its the pimps and the likes who force someone into this trade, or those who choose it for themselves under some influence - societal, economical, or any other. It is this root that we must focus on - to cure.
At least having good intentions with some readiness to accept them as normal humans should be a start. With you there :)

Hey Prasun,

Good to hear those lines after a long time. Have always been humbled by the simplicity, discipline & strength of the 'mind' the man had.

And I guess the rain Gods are happy with that place eh!? ;-)

Dear Anusheh,

"Surya and Prasun you make us all feel warm and your words bring light, hope and sensitivity to the blog."

I Thank You & IFSHA team for contributing to this place :-).
I guess its this place that makes us all open up so easily.
I'm sure Prasun & everyone else is with me on that !? ;-)

Hi Chaitali,

Was sad to hear about your experience in the Bar. Another pointer towards a repressive society (as Aachi rightly said) where friends, cousins or even a brother / sister walking together are seen that way.
Was reminded of a time when I was travelling with a cousin sister (a li'l younger to me) on a bike. At a red light, I noticed the constant 'stare' from some people (with that different smile on their faces), eyes scanning her posture, every inch.

It left me thinking if they were really to blame. Wasn't the root somewhere else? Once again, it got me thinking about an influence of the circle they might have lived/brought up in.

I guess it is on all of us (our generation) to put it right into the minds of the next one. Only then can we hope of a better, cleaner tomorrow - with a new crop of positive, healthy minds.

Hey Madhavi,

As you narrated: "After an hour she came across and asked me to dance with her, initially i hesitated and then i figured "Why Not" after all i do go out dancing with friends and family. So i did and i had a lovely evening of fun and dance without any murkiness."
Must admit that there not many who can do that and then say it out. You are blessed with a free mind / spirit.

And when you say: "not once did i feel uncomfortale,i did not face any stares, lurid or otherwise.I did not even see any of the girls being touched or hassled by the clients"
Thanks for showing another face of Dance bars that is rarely touched by the Media today.

Hey Sunrise - a Name full of optimism :-)

Nice to see after a long time.

====================

I guess when everyone sees this, it'll be next morning.
So Good Morning in advance to All of you - wonderful people ;-).

====================

Hey Aachi,

Chose to say this in a separate comment ;-).

A really well written piece with a visible purity of mind. Has brought out so many things about sex-workers, their place in the society, pointers towards our attitudes, and much more in this one piece making it a great experience to read & absorb - Adding to what this blog aims at - "Reclaiming Sexuality as spontaneous, joyful and central to the well-being of Mind / Body / Spirit" (as the top banner says)

Best Wishes to you & everyone!

dear Aachi,

Prostitution has been legalised in few countries around the world ..In ancient rome prostitution was actually considered a suitable profession..To look down upon people and blame them for the down fall of society is wrong ..even when it comes to movies i find most of the Indian movies degrading and lookin upon them as degraded people.Pretty women was a movie which showed prostitutes as people who along the course of life just lost direction and if give a chance they could shine in any field like everyone else...

Good Morning

Hey Surya
"I'm sure Prasun & everyone else is with me on that !? ;-)"
Righto bro !! I am right there with you on that.

Thanks Anusheh !

Dear Sunrise
thanks for your kind words of appreciation.

Have a great day !!

And a very Good Morning to you too Surya. Hi everybody! Hey Preethi nice to read from you after a long time.

Aachi to tell you the truth I was quite amused at the the whole incident. But my companions were so troubled by the whole thing that I thought it was best for us to leave. But we did carry out the plan of chilling out after a few days in another bar. We did get a few stares but I told my cousin to just enjoy and not bother about the 'looks'.

Annie,
Indeed it is a puzzle that needs a lot of tolerance, patience, sensitivity and open mindedness to be solved.

Hi Surya,

Glad you like my 'name'.Don't know whether I'm an optimist or not but I do try to bring sunshine into the lives of others :-))

Good Evening Sunrise :-)

You "try to bring sunshine into the lives of others :-))" Now if that is not being positive, nothing else is. Kudos !! way to go.

An afterthought : Do u drive the "sunshine car" (hyundai) as well ;-)

Keep smiling

Aachi, I've heard that in Hindus the goddess Durga's idol is incomplete without the dust/clay/mud which comes from a prostitutes house. Is that true? Coz if it is that shows that even they are Gods children.

Hey Sunrise - That's ok. You just proved the positivity within you in your answers again ;-).

Extending the thought further - Sun keeps shining all the time irrespective of the fact that it only rises at different places at different times. :-)

What say? [Proshoon ;-)]? (I feel like learning all of it in a day)

Annie,

your info is absolutely right.

it is an age old cusom of Bengal during Durga puja.

Who and why it started I am not sure.

To understand the ritual ( my opinion ) I think we have to understand what the goddess signifies.

There is a book on the goddess called Chandi which has a line " The goddess is the luck of the lucky and the bad luck of the unlucky"

In other words...She is everything, both defeat and victory, both pain and pleasure.

Equating this to society I feel overtime a ritual was started that tried to bring into the common man's notice that the goddess was present even in the so called sex workers.

By doing such the apparently sinful lot was elevated to a position of power and respect when the most important day of the year came about in bengal religious calendar.

and the ritual stuck.

Very fascinating! Thanks! Must look up the mystery behind this ritual.

Dear Annie,

Thats such an interesting point you have brought up here! And isnt it sad that it is practiced merely as a ritual, without realising the meaning that it carried. I guess thats the sorry state with all the rituals in our country. Just followed blindly.

Good Morning Aachi!

Hi Aachi,

You write so well. Though the theme and feeling running under the words are so deep yet the story is so lightly told.... almost like a tear on our cheek...it so tiny yet so heavy a weight to bear.

Annie

I had heard about this ritual of taking the mud from the prostitute's house to make the Durga idol during durga puja. Actually there are several places from where a little mud is picked up and then mixed with the clay to make the idol.
I asked my mother if she knows about the significance....

she said, "it is do with the concept of SHAKTI. As Durga was not born she was created with several powers of all the Gods and she was given various weapons of the gods. So the mud from a prostitute's house is a depiction of a kind of "strength borne by women". IT's like taking different kinds of depiction of strength of men and women and creating one unified idol."

I guess you will still have to search a little bit more to get the authentic reasons behind it.... do share it with us....

And about feeling discomfort....i guess it boils down to the the same thing "being a woman it really is not honourable to ask for sex or say that you enjoy it or would like to take it up as a profession". yet some liberal societies think otherwise.... like Amsterdam... Though I can't say that those who do take it up by choice like it or would be glad to do something else given a chance... It's something only they can tell us.

Ancient India (as I have read) however seemed to have had a very liberal outlook regarding, prostitution and the status of such women. Wonder how and where it got distorted...

------ to chaitali --- An anecdote

on how people percieve people from a distance ...

I have a spanish friend Aran. I met her at the trade fair....One day she pulled me out and pointed out to some guys. She was very excited, flustered and looked surprised.

Aran -- "sangeeta, sangeeta look at those boys there." I rolled up my sleeves cause I thought they must have said something to her.... "ok tell me what did they do, did they tease you?"

She looked even more surprised, "No. look at them. They are walking hand in hand and putting arms around each other. How come?"

Now it was my turn to be surprised, "Well they must be friends."

Aran -- "but getting so close, so physical and intimate. Doesn't the police catch them? In spain men can't walk like that. They will be suspected as something unntural. They would be put behind bars."

I laughed, "welcome to India Aran. In India if a a guy and girl walked hand in hand or with arms around each other they would be suspected as unnatural and be beaten up by police."

-- so it's all the same everywhere ha ha... only the subject and the object changes....

Good evening shubhosree, I couldnt log in, in the morning. :)

Sangeeta,

thanks for the share.

about the incident involving your friend Aran, I am still smiling. :)

Preethi,

sorry for the late response, but pretty woman is my fav movie too...I love the OST.

I am usure if I only saw south asian or Indian or Pakistani names of writers. I am too an Indian born, Social Work trained with over 13 years residencing in Australia and fortunately globe trotted in 17 different places before I settled down.
Is there any reason why you people stopped writing or stopped patting each other on this site to put it bluntly? Forgive me unconditionally if I have misunderstood you. Accept my unconditional apologies if you have already acted upon your altrusitic nascet motives.
But the impression I had was that none of you did anything that made a difference.
There are no responses beyond feb, 2006. What have you achieved other than complimenting the original writer. I am surprised this has not resulted in something that could help if not in calcutta, in Tirupati or Knaykumari or Laos. Prostitution in developed world has earned a different respect. My collegue's wife ( in the recent past I was Senior Lecurer in UNI- ) she is a respectable prostitute- but this is west)
I am unsure where you live. what motivated you to stay so much time- with out work in that direction? Are you going to act at all? Is this seen as a problem that you wish to give some time and dont know where to start? If this is an indication that you are like me who wish to learn overtime to treat all as equal, then as human you will move mountains- you will become spiritual f you are not already inclined. If you are looking for ideas - ask me- I will bring the best of your own thinking for you as a facilitator.

Unfortunately I am not a moneyd guy and a single earner.But even if I had I would have given it away. Just as I do with time now.Money and power are time . Time and money to give away. You become more powerful when you share.
Write to me if you are looking for action.
Story telling is inspiring. All voluntarism starts with what your thoughts begin. Don't stop.
Be kind and listen to me -all of us need to grow from thinking 'that we need to do something for them to- 'they need that'- those things that 'we wish to do for them' - as matters of rights.
Truly we did not cause inequality in the society. We did not produce male or female prostitutes.
The day we move from 'I did not cause this' and accept 'we casued this' as 'you', and 'I' belong to that 'we' - we can make the difference.

God Bless you even if you are not a believer.
If you need to calrify thoughts write to me.
Dr Venkat Pulla
dr.venkat.pulla@gmail.com
Brisbane. Australia

Dear Dr. Pulla,

Welcome to the Blog.

Yeas Is It About Sex? is a South Asian blog and our contributors are from South Asian countries. But as you can see our commentors are from all over the world.

This blog is run by an NGO, IFSHA, which is a healing centre. IFSHA has worked with sex workers and on issues of violence and sexual abuse,gender and sexuality.

The blog was created to provide a space where dialogues and debates could be raised on various such issues. We are not just back patting each other but also trying to give people a perspective on, sharing their experiences and engaging them in what is happening around them in the area of sex and sexuality.

The issue of sex work is very relevant to us and in India (and in South Asian countries too) many organisations and individuals are working and acting on this issue. We are also very pleased to hear that you are doing your best in trying to give everybody equal opportunity and rights. We wish you all the best in your work and we hope that you will share your work with us too here on the blog.

i love to do sex because sex is a thing which is never repeated in life it helps the boys for sex and i want to say that all the girls must do sex and make the boys happy

I think sex make the girls very hard and dashing because sex is a thing that for the men lives if there was no sex then there would also be no prostitution but from when the sex came from that time prostitution has started sex is nothing but hardly it matters the life or spoils the life of a girl.These all thing will not be understand by a boy but if these thing is stopped by anyone then it will causea huge problem for all the young chaps because for example if there would not be sonagachi or any prostituion place then there would be a problem that all urs sister would have been raped in houses and houses so if there is any body to make us understand that sex is a horrible thing for the girls it spoils the life of the girls .So stop sex

I think IFSHA is a great place to share thoughts- and its not always necessary that action must happen immediately. What Dr. Pulla says is not incorrect, I think its important to get thoughts moving in one direction first- and sometimes thoghts need to become movements- and sometimes movements take years.

Prostitution cannot be eradicated just like that- anywhere! Be it Australia, or even America.

Education, on its perils, must be spread so that women who willingly get into this know its flip side, and those who are 'forced into it' know their rights!

Way to go, IFSHA!

Hi Rajiv

Thanks for the encouragement.

Just an observation and therefore a question. Why do you think we always focus on the supply end of prostitution and not the demand end of it. I mean we always talk about empowering women/saving them/keeping them from entering the trade, but what about all the men who create this supply what about the crucial and rather central role they play??

Anusheh, Correct! Thank you for pointing out my myopic view on this.
Men equally, if not more, need to be educated that women must be respected.

Hi Rajiv

I dont know if its just about respect. IMO its also about sexuality and how men are conditioned to respond to it. But let me tell you looking at the supply end only is actually a conditioning which inflicts the most well meaning individuals/groups.

I was invited a couple of years back to the World Summit on Child Sexual Abuse and Exploitation which was taking place in Japan. And the one thing that really stood out for me there was that 99% of the organisations/funding agencies etc. were talking about the plight of children, programs for them, intervention strategies etc. but no one (other than one paper which was presented) was talking about the men who desire these children and abuse them. Made me really wonder about what we are doing, what our agendas are and how jaded/narrow our perspective really is.

Last time I read economics it clearly stated that demand created supply. This is not to say that we dont need to support women and children but if we only do that we're not really going to get anywhere in the long run.