It is dysfunctional because through it we attempt to escape or suppress reality; fantasize things to satisfy our own desires and lust; it keeps us focused on the future or the past and we miss out on the present. This dysfunctionality is generated and created by the great monster called MIND!

We come across emotions of fear, happiness, resentment, anger, obsession, guilt, blessings, passions and much more. To achieve the aspirations of his/her life one has to deal with all such emotions. But for this one needs to be really cautious and conscious about his/her thoughts. For instance, there is a thin line between an obsession and passion and in a flash we can cross that line without even realizing it.

“ The passions are like fire; useful in a thousand ways and dangerous only in one through their excess.” Christian Nestell Bovee

For example love is an intense feeling and a mother’s love is something that no one can explain. It is divine, patient, endless and made up of deep devotion. Still, there is a time when love becomes possessive; shadows of over- protection turn situations from heaven to hell. When a mother’s love turns obsessive, the mother forgets to let the child breathe and her love becomes destructive rather than nurturing. So, obsession is unlike love, not just passionate, it is ferocious and cruel.

Before my voyage on the path of truth, I had many obsessions towards men, material objects and work. Whenever any man used to come into my life, the first question I would ask myself “Is he the right and perfect person for me? Does he have all those qualities and traits which are needed to sustain a relationship? Will he keep me happy?” Sessions of such endless questions would keep erupting in my mind, fill my thoughts and lead to distress, fear and confusion.

Along with these obsessive thoughts I would get obsessed about materialistic things and try to acquire as much as I could today as if there was no tomorrow.

The strong urge of achieving these obsessions became so entrenched that I started becoming an escapist, manipulative and dishonest with my own self. Engraved into my thoughts they started to shatter, distort and deprave my sense of self and self-perception. My life felt futile and distorted.

As I gradually started moving deeper into my inner truth and learnt the art of witnessing my thoughts, I started realizing that the roots of my obsessions was my own fear of loneliness, created by own self. A self where my wants and desires were my only priority, where there was not enough faith and confidence in my own being and where I was living a life without any insight and cognizance.

As children we were taught to approach life from the perspective of fear, survival, lack and scarcity. We were taught that life is about set goals and that when we get to a point- be it marriage, or education, or fame and fortune or whatever- we will live happily ever after. But today I realize this is not the way life works.

Gradually, I have begun to ‘see’ that everything is within us, nothing is external, nothing happens by chance. Everything has a meaning. I began by questioning myself on “Who am I, what’s my purpose and what does my existence mean?”

Now I have come to know that life’s aim is life itself- more life, deeper life, but life always. There is nothing higher than life. And love is the only answer to all our problems, whether it’s obsession or fear- but not the love of another person but learning to love oneself.

Today when I recall my past, I realize that those obsessive thoughts were just absurd and irrational which had accumulated over a long period. It is not that they are going to disappear overnight. It is an ongoing process. But I know that one only needs to be watchful and focused. The thoughts still exist and sometimes manage to swamp me but now I have the strength and the insight to grapple with what I perceive as ‘obstacles’ of my life to achieve the path of success, well-being and happiness.

Transformation, awakening, enlightenment, grace, blessing- all these words had no meaning for me. But all these started making sense to me when my mentor (guru) entered my life and that was the time when my inner journey began; when my barren life turned fertile. Each breath, which I take, is an endowment from my mentor.